What witty, non-aggressive and clever retorts do you give to parents who

[Technoprisoners]

ask what reading level/book band/nc level etc your dc is on?

This really annoys me. I have no wish to discuss my dc's levels or whatever with other parents at my dc's school, least of all random nosy feckers in the playground. Some really persist, no matter how I try to skirt round it.

So, what do you say to to shut 'em up for good?

indigo if someone ever says wow your DS is really good at reading or something I always say oh but he's rubbish at x though. How awful I know but I don't want people to think I am boasting or anything.

Maybe you should say - 'they are a free reader so I am guessing they are not on a level yet?'

I don't know who comes across the most paranoid - the mums who ask or the ones who won't say?!

What's the big deal? We surely mostly appreciate there is littel correlation on what reading level anyone is on aged 6 and what they become in life, and more importantly whether they turn into a reader for pleasure.

As has been suggested perhaps they are only asking because they are worried, and if not but instead because their child is doing well I would simply laugh and point out examples i know of of friends DCs who were unable to read aged 7 and then ended up at westminster, or another who was in a 'special 'school' till aged 16 and then oops, they realised he was quite bright and ended up at oxbridge 2 years later

I don't keep track of the colours books the children are reading at school - as long as they are enjoying books (being read to or reading themselves) I don't see what the significance is.

I have been asked several times and I've always just looked at the other parent with a baffled expression and said I haven't the faintest idea. In these instances the other parents have without question been stealth bragging.

I had an old boss who when asked how employee x was doing in comparison with employee y simply looked down his nose and said

"comparisons are invidious"

How marvellous to be so snooty and right at the same time!

monkey, I;ll tell you what the deal is.

It is fine if your kid is average or above.

But I never forget the mum who came over to have a chat, asking how my DS did in his SATs. I would never lie, I am not a paranoid person. So I just told her that he is two years behind where he should be and it was all a bit of a shock and an eye opener (this was before his dyslexia diagnosis). She then said: "ISn't it funny, my DD is 2 years AHEAD!. Haha, isn't it funny that children who are academically 4 years apart are in the same class" Then walked off again.

That really made me feel great...

There is a lovely part in 'How not to raise a perfect child' by Libby Purves where a Head deliberately keeps changing the colour bands so that parents can't do this sort of thing!

I've never asked (or been asked). If I were to ask it would be because I am insecure about DS's reading and I don't know what's expected of a 5yo and where he should be. But I therefore ask the teacher and she tells me. When I ask her I also try to get a gauge on where he is in the class, ie bottom, middle or top, as that is useful to know but I don't need specifics and see no reason why I need to know who is at the top, middle, bottom. I do think a lot of this competitiveness is just masking insecurity.

I usually pluck a colour out of the blue that I know isn't a colour used in that key stage. EG black as there is no black band - leaves parents wondering if DS is some reading genius or on on such a low level their DC's skipped it.

I discussed this when my dc were littler with a close friend- just as a comarison- I had no idea if my dc was above/ below- but I was comforted to know he was at the same level as his friend.
But I would never ask someone other than a good friend.
Just say you don't know.
As a teacher of post 16 students, I often find that the students who do well all the way through school in the lower key stages, find it hard when everyone starts catching up. They find they have to work harder (they don't ususally find it hard to do well at KS1 and KS2- it comes naturally iuswim) as the content becomes more challenging. Those kids who have had to study hard, just carry on studying and often overtake those early bloomers. The kids who were always top of the class can't handle it and have a crisis of confidence as they are so used to being the best (and it being easy).
So-do not assume a kid on a high band in Y3 will carry on being TOP of the class. That accolade usually goes to the hardest worker.
And I often find, that students who crashed and burned at A level do brilliantly at degree level too- everyone blossoms in their own time.

Chandon, that's awful I hope you were able to tackle her in some satisfactory way afterwards? If you are the sort of person who would never in a million years make some such odious remark (as I guess about 95% of us are), it really comes from left of field when you get something like that.

"Comparisons are invidious." Another classic.

KlickKlack I totally agree with you (secondary teacher)

Youarekidding - yes, have made a good note of the fake-colour response!

I can see why parents would want to know if their child is near the bottom of the class. If for example they have been putting loads of effort in with reading at home, if the child is still behind their classmates then either they are doing smething wrong at home, or the child may have a problem with reading. The teacher won't necessarily know how much reading is being done at home so may just assume that the child is behind because they don't get much practice at home iyswim. Whilst the parent should of course discuss their concerns with the teacher, the only way of finding out how the child is doing compared to their peers is to ask other parents, as the teacher isn't supposed to tell you.

But how does it help at all to compare with peers?

It doesn't!
your child is still in the same place on the reading scheme regardless of where everyone else is and unless you ask every single member of the class what does it tell you really?

I have no idea what my sons peers reading levels are and I dont want to know. My son has dyslexia and therefore I know that he is not the "best" reader in his class.

I know what level a lot of the kids in Y5 are on as I am a parent helper in that class. I would NEVER discuss this with ANYONE let alone the child parents!!!

Thing is...all this competition in ks1 and 2 and its so pointless...studies show that dc who are above average in ks1 and 2 do not neccessarily stay ahead in later years!

You could always laugh and say "are we comparing?"

or put on your serious face and say "If you're concerned X isn't progressing, then it's better to speak to the teacher and they'll be able to help, rather than try to compare with other children in the class."

or you could say "Why are you so interested in what level my X is on?"

Or you could just tell them, on the grounds that it doesn't actually matter if they have that information

Or you could say "really, that's none of your business and I find it perplexing how intent you are on finding that out, why are you so desperate to know?"

Or you could find out what the very top level is and say that.

Or you could put on your concerned face and say "you ask me that question all the time, is everything ok?"

or you could say "oh, I don't do that stupid school gate competitive stuff" and laugh.

there's loads of stuff you could do.

Of course, it's best to first make sure you know that that they aren't asking because they are actually worried about their child.

Ohh I feel awful now.

I asked a school mum ive known since nursery how her DS was getting on with his reading. She answered perfectly fine and said how well he was getting on, I then told her how my DS struggles to concentrate and I sometimes have to get a hold of my impatience with him.

I really hope she didnt think I was just trying to be nosy.

"But how does it help at all to compare with peers?"

If you know that your child has similar reading support at home to several of their peers, but is 5 book bands below them, then you might realise before the teacher does that something may possibly be wrong. The teacher might just assume that your child is behind because you don't support them at home.

Say "tell me yours first"
Then say "well my child is on a higher level than that I expect" with a massive comedy wink
Then physically tickle the parent in the ribs

That should put a stop to it

She's writing her own.

Techno, karma bit her in the bum so badly I feel really sorry for her now, and I am glad I did not put her in her place. She had her moment of superiority, and that was it. A moment.

HouseofCheese - you need to have more faith in your teachers!

Do you really think that if you give "similar reading support at home to several of their peers" that they will all have the same reading ability? And that you could argue your way out of a "5 book bands" differential?

How would you know what kind of reading support someone else's child was getting at home?

Exactly, learnandsay. One parent's intensive support is another's cursory glance.

(and the support you give at home can be another cagey topic, too ...)