If you had the money would you send your only child to private school?

[lostboysfallin]

Assuming that they generally have better facilities, more resources, smaller classes.

OP, you do what's best for your family.

It's easy enough to say 'don't go private' when your state options are decent. If yours are not, and you can afford better, then I don't think you should feel guilty at all.

I really hate the idea of politicising our children.

I would argue that sending to private school is a politicisation of their education as much as not, though.

And don't assume that everyone who wouldn't go private lives in a leafy suburb with outstanding schools on the doorstep, either.

cremeeggs I was the very poor kid at a shite comp and badly bullied. Once at (the equivalent of ) grammar school no one gave a toss where the other came from and I thrived. It really depends on the child and the schools.

Depends on the child (warning - anecdote overload coming up).

One person I know, from well todo family in NYC. Parents decided that they would send him to the local (US) public school, rather than going private. About six months in, he'd barely learnt to read, was really behind and being bullied so they removed him and sent him to a private school, where he thrived.

Second person - went to very competitive, very demanding all girls school in London and is/was one of the most anxious people I know - she just couldn't handle the pressure and level of expectation that was the norm in that school (really high proportion of students went to Oxbridge) and I'm pretty sure that in a regular school, without all the pressure and more diversity she would have been a much happier person.

Just to comment on something happyhorse said a while back - you certainly don't need to keep up with the Jones's, the sort of kids that notice or think about things like that are not the kids that you would way your DC to hang out with anyway.

On another note (and to ditto someone else) - there is a very big difference between a small independent 'private school' and a prep school. If I couldn't afford the latter (which we do with a struggle) I would go good state with tutoring if necessary.

"Seeker, you are very welcome to your own prejudice opinions but it is one thing to have an opinion yourself, it's another to challenge anyone whose opinion you consider wrong."

So, let me get this straight. I am allowed to have an opinion, but I'm not allowed to express it? Because I really can't see how I can express my opinion without it challenging the opinions of others on here!

society I do agree, it isn't something I would have coped well at at my local private school, DH experienced it at his, didn't like it, but coped okay with it and the other benefits out weighed it for him. My father was always a child that everyone accepted and liked and would have fitted in anywhere, his background didn't matter at all at his private school because he was so good socially (and sport and everything else! why didn't I get those genes?) so noone would care, he had a magnetic personality anyway and it background wasn't the main thing at his private school, it is at others (and at some state schools too, yes!)

Original, I imagine they're at least decent schools though, right?

I don't see anyone here admitting they actually send their DC to a school with gangs and wretched teachers when they don't have to.

My point about politicising is that I think everyone should just do what's best for their family and not judge others for the politics of it. If we think the system is unfair let's blame the bigger factors that drive it, not judge each other or feel guilty.

I wouldn't for primary but would for secondary.

We sent DD to a private primary - the state options hereabout are all 'faith'. And it was a very good, unposh school where, unlike the local village schools, DD would meet other ethnicities. Lesser of two evils, IMO.

Would be nice if both politics and religion could be kept out of schools and they could just get on with providing 'a good and equal education' as the OP would like.

seeker - the thread title is 'If you had the money would you send your only child to private school?'. A simple 'no' would have sufficed in your case as your opinions are well known.

In a heartbeat.
I have a highly gifted dd who is being failed by her state school,her needs are unrecognised and her giftedness and associated issues/problems are ignored.

@ mrsshears - have you tried asking for scholarships at local independent schools?

sometimes I wonder if some parents have ever met their kids!, once they chose private then there is a whole HUGE spectrum and some make very odd choices IMO, like the dreamer sent to the very sporty school or the high energy kid who needs and enjoys the sport and discipline more sent to the progressive school. I'm so glad I didn't end up at the private school that my parent's considered, it is a FANTASTIC school... for other people, would have hated it so much myself!

Its the same (to a lesser extent, because there's less choice) with state preferences, it baffles me! its not just about state vs private, or outstanding vs satisfactory, people need to look at their child and look at the options available with them in mind

dreaming I agree with your last point

A simple 'no' would have sufficed in your case as your opinions are well known.
I may well have read seeker's opinions on this before, but I'd forgotten. And the reminder is fair enough. I'm very aware that I was bloody lucky I could thumb my nose at the state options available, it infuriates me that most people just have to suck it up.

I may have read seaker's posts about this topic before too, but I don't tend to remember what username said what TBH, a lot of them are so similar and then there's all the name changes so I don't bother trying to build a mental profile

Headfairy - I do believe you and think you are very brave for being so honest!

Conorsrockers - what is the difference between pre-prep and a small independant school, why is a small independant not good enough? I am not being funny I genuinely don't know what you mean and what the difference is!

I have done teaching placements in a struggling state school, a fabulous state school and a fabulous private school. If I were to have children inthe area that I am now, these would be my three options. Knowing what I know about these three schools and if money wasn't an issue, I would choose to send my child to either the struggling state school or the fabulous state school.

The struggling state school had fantastic discipline and teachers that loved those children. 99% of the children there were from socially deprived families but I can honestly say that the teachers gave them the best start that they possibly could and I was proud to do a placement there. They may well be only 'satisfactory' in terms of Estyn (Welsh OFSTED) but they are extremely well thought of locally.

The fabulous state school is exactly that, fabulous.

The private school was undoubtedly full of good intentions and the teachers were lovely (as were the children and parents.) There were Harry Potter days where the parents were sitting in the school kitchen making decorations for weeks before hand, we had free rein to teach whatever we wanted and yet the heads couldn't afford dinner ladies so the teachers had to supervise lunch hour, which was spent in the class room with no hot option - lunch boxes only. There were no after school clubs (although this did not matter really because all the children, without fail, were lucky enough to have wealthy parents who could afford to enrol them in things outside of school) and the class sizes were tiny. Think 14 children in a class from reception to year 3. I am all for small class sizes and can talk all day about the benefits of bespoke learning, but I also enjoy advocate the social aspect of school.

I think what I am trying to say, in a very long winded manner, is that for me it would depend on the actual school. Private, to me, does not automatically equal 'better' just look at Queen Ethelburga. As well as that, for reasons that I can't quite articulate, I would not consider teaching in one.

"seeker - the thread title is 'If you had the money would you send your only child to private school?'. A simple 'no' would have sufficed in your case as your opinions are well known."

Thank you so much for the posting guidance. I do hope that you are sending similar advice to all the posters on here for whom a simple "yes" would also suffice?

Oh, and incidentally, you have the advantage of me- I can't remember meeting you before.

s'all right dreamingbohemian I was spoiled in many other far more embarrasing ways :o

I would happily transfer my dd to state if me moved into a good catchment area. Unfortunately we are in the crazy position that we can just about afford to send her private (it's not one with really massive fees schools) but we cannot afford to move!

yes, societyclowns, this is our crazy situation too! Luckily there are grammar school options for secondary...

seeker - I think maybe there's a confusion between MN talk guidelines and the rules of Just a Minute. 'No hesitation (well, OK), repetition or deviation'.

lou2321 I made a similar comment about small private schools. Some small private schools are very good but others may owned by headmaster / headmistress and a bit of a personal fiefdom. Additionally, very small schools sometimes don't have enough pupils to ensure a suitable mix in the classroom and may be more vulnerable to financial difficulties because they can't afford to lose many pupils before they hit their breakeven point.

My sons' prep as over 300 so there is a good mixture within each year group (3 classes per year group) and classes get mixed at the end each year. It is a charity so its accounts are available online and there is a strong board of governors.

It really depends on each individual school.

I'm happy for everyone's opinions, I don't know anyone from Adam on here!

DS is very sociable, but he reminds me of myself in so many ways.
My reports always said things like "could go far, if she applied herself" " has excellent potential"
I think that's what his will say.
I did have the opportunity to go to private school, parents could have afforded it for me, but not for my siblings. I think my parents made a fair decision for our family, but I often wonder what could have happened.

Don't get me wrong, I haven't done too badly, but "could have done better!!"

Maybe I am underestimating the wealthy lifestyles of the parents, but this is London, and I know ordinary people just like us who pay for schooling, so not sure we would be the poor family in the class.

On that basis, there are several posters on both sides of the debate (including me!) who need to find something new to say or shut the hell up!