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Parent's Evening this week - How honest do you want me to be?

138 replies

nalubeadsgirl · 12/03/2012 18:51

Parent's - asking honestly...What do you want your child's teacher to tell you at parent's evening? What questions would you want answering? Finally, would you want to know if your child was 'below average'? If so, how would you like me to phrase this?

Just be good to hear honestly from some parents. Teaching is very political, as I'm sure you all know. Help me to help you! (i'm already working my socks off for your kids!)

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dontrememberme · 12/03/2012 18:55

where is my child in relation to the rest of his class
what are his strengths/weaknesses
Is he polite
does he have friends
is he nice
Is he the kid in the cleass that you dread

Go on be brutally honest

Lifeissweet · 12/03/2012 18:58

I think be as honest as you can, while remaining positive. Parents want to know whether their child is 'below average' but keep that in terms of age related expectations, not position in the class. I always phrase it in terms of what intervention or strategy we are using to support the child. If you are not honest, then at some point in the future a teacher will be and it will come as a shock.

My DS is at a special school and I worry about his development. I don't want to hear 'he's doing fine' if he's not doing as well as he should be and I want to know how to help. I think it would be the same if he was very bright. I'd want to know how he was being pushed.

The other thing is to recognise the child's personal qualities and show that you know and like them. I always have more faith in my DS's teachers if they show me how well they know him.

jinsei · 12/03/2012 18:58

Yes, be honest - otherwise what's the point?

IndigoBell · 12/03/2012 18:59

I want you to be totally honest.

Below average isn't enough. Is he a bit below average and you think he'll catch up? Or a lot below average and I should be concerned?

And do you mean average or expected level? If you mean expected level you need to say that.

mercibucket · 12/03/2012 19:00

What are his scores? Does he try hard?
Does he have friends? Does he seem happy?
Not bothered about anyone elses scores, ta
Neither do I want 'brutally' honest, unless you (ie my child' teacher) want my brutally honest opinion back, but a 'gentle' honest is fine

mercibucket · 12/03/2012 19:00

What are his scores? Does he try hard?
Does he have friends? Does he seem happy?
Not bothered about anyone elses scores, ta
Neither do I want 'brutally' honest, unless you (ie my child' teacher) want my brutally honest opinion back, but a 'gentle' honest is fine

Beamur · 12/03/2012 19:01

I'd want honesty, but not brutality! I'm interested in the whole picture, not just the academic stuff, but also how my child is socially and emotionally at school.

dilbertina · 12/03/2012 19:03

What age do you teach? I think in reception it's a bit early for brutal honesty, I think it would make parents of totally normal but slightly slower developing children worry too much. I would like to know if there were serious issues however.

I think further up the school I would like to hear the truth, but would appreciate it if you could find a couple of nice things to say as well! I'd rather hear negative stuff than come away thinking you hadn't actually really noticed my child, and their strengths and weaknesses and had just fed me platitudes.

nalubeadsgirl · 12/03/2012 19:05

I agree with you all so far, and of course, I would be professional and sympathetic in the way that I would communicate.

Main problem is, this class had an awful year last year, supply teachers galore, and not much progression (if any) from their year 2 levels. I'm new to the school and without wanting to blow my own trumpet too much, I have worked so hard and I'm pleased to say the majority have made fantastic progress. Great for me, and for them. I'm very proud of them. I was pretty shocked at how poor they were when I took over.

However, some of the lower ability kids parents have been told previously that their child is doing 'just fine' Personally, i don't feel that being at a level 1/low level 2 in Year 4 is fine at all!!!!

School have told me that under no circumstances am I to discuss 'level's' (or to say, above average, average, below average) and that I should just focus on the positive.

fyi...there are 12 SEN children in my class, with another 8 who are low ability!

I know ALL my kids very well - what interests them, what they do out of school. Know MOST of the parents very well too. Just a bit concerned about say 8 or so children whose parents were told last year that their child was doing 'fine' and actually, I think they're very poor for their age.

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nalubeadsgirl · 12/03/2012 19:05

Oh. I'm Year 4 :)

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stealthsquiggle · 12/03/2012 19:07

Same rules as any other feedback - start with something positive, then the negatives, then finish on a positive. I would hope you can find a couple of positives about any child, even if there is a lot of filling in the 'sandwich' Smile

Greythorne · 12/03/2012 19:08

The most impirtant thing is: is he fulfilling his potential?

My Dc might have special needs and be far behind the average / most able, but is he doing as well as he can?

If so, fine.

If not, how can we help him.

TheFallenMadonna · 12/03/2012 19:09

I'm a secondary school teacher, and while it's rare for me to find nothing nice to say about a student, I'm not going to sugar coat any issues.

From my DC's teachers, I want their levels, whether they are working at full stretch or not, whether they have any particular aptitude or specific problem, whether they have good behaviour for learning, and whether they are respectful to staff and other children.

What I don't want is a list of what, for examply level 3a might mean. That's just noise to me.

mrz · 12/03/2012 19:10

We have a member of staff who boasts she never tells parents anything "bad" (parents think she's wonderful because she says great things about their children even if they aren't quite true) which makes it a nightmare for the next teacher

TheFallenMadonna · 12/03/2012 19:10

I would press you for a level. Without question.

nalubeadsgirl · 12/03/2012 19:11

This is all good advice thank you mumsnetters...it all ties in with how I was thinking of handling my feedback :)

I'm pretty sure I can find something positive about every child I teach! Especially given that ALL of them have made significant progress since September.

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MerryMarigold · 12/03/2012 19:13

I think you need to focus on progress rather than where a child is in the class. I am aware my child is in the lower groups, but if he is working hard and not being disruptive, and is making progress than that's fine. If you have SN concerns, you should certainly bring them up, but there's no point saying your child is below average...what does that achieve?

nalubeadsgirl · 12/03/2012 19:13

mrz..this sounds like the teacher my kids had last year sigh!

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IndigoBell · 12/03/2012 19:13

If you don't tell the parents the truth (like SLT are asking you to) you are letting down those children.

jinsei · 12/03/2012 19:16

I think it's lovely if a teacher gives parents the impression that they genuinely like the children (if they do!) but there should not be any sugar-coating of the truth. That would be a waste of everyone's time and destroys the trust between parents and the school.

Tooblunt2012 · 12/03/2012 19:17

I would want to know honestly how they are doing as otherwise how can the parents work with you / the school to help their development.

I would also like clear direction from the teacher as to how best to help my child.

lambethlil · 12/03/2012 19:18

Be honest, but don't let your feelings show. I'm a veteran PEer (on both sides) and find it very hard to respect teachers who obviously dislike my DCs. It's happened twice over nearly 20 years, and invalidated the good points the teacher was making in each case.

nalubeadsgirl · 12/03/2012 19:21

Last parent's evening I handed out some maths booklets I had created to show how we teach calculations (progression from year 2 to year 6)

This time, I have prepared a list for parents on how to support with spelling (as most of my kids have appalling spelling!) and how they can support with reading at home. These are sheets adapted from the Primary National Strategy (not just something I have arrogantly made up!)

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BigBoobiedBertha · 12/03/2012 19:22

I want facts and figures - levels and sub levels, how much progress has been made this year and what the expectation is for the rest of the year. I don't want to be fobbed off with he is doing well or OK. That means nothing to me. It doesn't tell me where he is in relation to the rest of the class, which would indicate if he were struggling or maybe even ready for a move upwards (if there is streaming). I want to know how he is doing in relation to the targets and the national averages and if he can keep up with the work or whether he needs a lot of help.

I want to know if he is well behaved and appears to be happy and what he appears interested in and whether he works well with the children and adults. I also want to know what his weaknesses are so that we can work on them (me, dc and the school).

FWIW my DS's school has started to talk openly about levels with the parents instead of keeping them secret and it is more helpful than some vague chat for the very reason you say. It used to come as a bit of a shock to some parents that their child ended up with poorer results at the end of the year than they were expecting because they weren't given accurate progress reports along the way.

I would want to know why the school weren't being open with me if they refused to say - what are they trying to cover up!?

Of course this is all a big ask for the 5 - 10 minutes you get allocated!! Smile

mummytime · 12/03/2012 19:27

I prefer bad news sandwiched between good. "is there anything you'd like to ask?" is a good start. The most devastating news is "your kid has no friends".
With any bad news try to give the parent an idea of something they can do to help. A take away can be nice, DDs teacher gave us a table grid.

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