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Parent's Evening this week - How honest do you want me to be?

138 replies

nalubeadsgirl · 12/03/2012 18:51

Parent's - asking honestly...What do you want your child's teacher to tell you at parent's evening? What questions would you want answering? Finally, would you want to know if your child was 'below average'? If so, how would you like me to phrase this?

Just be good to hear honestly from some parents. Teaching is very political, as I'm sure you all know. Help me to help you! (i'm already working my socks off for your kids!)

OP posts:
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Optimism · 12/03/2012 21:17

Sorry, I couldn't help myself Grin

Turniphead1 · 12/03/2012 21:18

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

cassgate · 12/03/2012 21:23

I want honesty as well. I have a ds year 1 who is below average, I know he is below average but it annoys me when I ask about nc levels and get told we dont talk levels just progress. As it happens I know my sons teacher well as she taught my dd a couple of years ago so she knows that I want to know everything warts and all.

stealthsquiggle · 12/03/2012 22:07

LOL at 'super brainy cohorts' -my worry was/is always the opposite. I know DS is doing well in his year group but always worry that it is a thick below average year group. Independent school, so no NC levels - very hard to gauge how he is found vs national averages, etc.

WordsAreNoUseAtAll · 12/03/2012 22:14

I would like a list of levels, and for you to highlight any particular areas of concern or achievement. I would also like to know if my child has friends, if they seem to be finding anything about general school life difficult, what the are like at school. I also love the "learning journal" they do in DDs reception class with little pictures and notes of things she has done - it shows me that she is "herself" at school. It helps if you can give a genuine way in which the child is brilliant, even if it is "she's very...outgoing and assertive" :)

seeker · 12/03/2012 22:14

And if you really don't like my child, do try not to let it show. And be jubilant about achievement. My ds's year 6 teacher obviously can't stand him (genuinely not sure why) and managed to make being a 5a for reading and writing sound like a very minor achievement.

MrsHeffley · 12/03/2012 22:55

I would like proper levels for each area of the curriculum on entry,the present and predictions for the end of the year ie hard evidence of actual progress.I'd like to see all their books and to know how they are socially.None of this age related/above age related crap,it tells you sweet f* all.

simpson · 12/03/2012 23:05

I have parents eve tomorrow and I would like to know the areas that my child is finding harder and how I can help/assist the school in helping my child.

I would like to know NC levels now and predicted for end of yr.

I would like to know how his confidence is in and out of the classroom (we have had bullying issues) and whether he has friendship issues etc.

I do want the truth not hidden behind "he is fine" (as others have said).

birdofthenorth · 12/03/2012 23:18

As an SEN parent (autism) I'd say I'd like to know how I can replicate any successful classroom strategies at home, and what topics sparked any degree of interest (DS fails to communicate about his day enough for me to tell what he enjoyed, if anything).

Totally honest is fine, so long as there are current interventions/ possible next steps to be discussed, not just "zero progress, sorry"

birdofthenorth · 12/03/2012 23:19

PS well done you -12 SEN and 8 strugglers, you deserve a medal!

CURIOUSMIND · 12/03/2012 23:29

Op,
If I am a parent with a child achieved below expectation, I would be particularly looking forward to hearing your plan to work with my DC ,to improve AND also what do you suggest me to do at home(Except get a tutor).

You are brave to bring up this question.You got my thumb up!

Looksgoodingravy · 12/03/2012 23:30

I would want total honesty, strengths and weaknesses, whether I could help at home, as already mentioned think you do have to mix positive, any negative and then end the meeting on a positive. I'm afraid my 5 minutes with ds teacher lasted about 15 but then there was no-one waiting behind me (meeting in hall) for the first 10 and I don't see the teacher often due to rushing away to work in the morning so I felt ok, nothing worse I think than feeling rushed on what most parents feel an important discussion about their child.

CURIOUSMIND · 12/03/2012 23:31

Problem is not a problem.Lack of plan to sort out a problem is a big problem.

Looksgoodingravy · 12/03/2012 23:32

and just to say how refreshing to hear a teacher asking for a parents view on parents evening Smile

goingmadinthecountry · 12/03/2012 23:47

I'm a teacher too. I never tolerate bad apostrophes - my Y3 child (dc4) would have corrected you. I know because she corrects her teacher from time to time. At least she gets a house point for it!

Round here (grammar area) I'd want to know that she's on course for passing 11 plus (or not). What does she need support with? What can we do at home to help?

Anything personal that shows how much the teacher has sussed exactly what my child is like is always good.

If I was a Y4 parent who didn't teach, I'd probably appreciate a quick run down of how chunking works Smile .

goingmadinthecountry · 12/03/2012 23:53

As a mum of a dyslexic child I would also need to see that you were aware of his brightness - ds changed school in Y4 and his teacher's expectation was a big part of what changed him from no-hoper to someone who now does very well at his selective school. Disclaimer: have SEN experience and qualifications and know that all circumstances are different.

I love to see that spark that shows that the teacher actually does like teaching.

caffeinated · 13/03/2012 07:32

Op if parents specifically ask for levels and the school has said not to share them what will you say to the parents?

I plan on asking myself this week because I'm findings
the 'fine' response tedious now.

r3dh3d · 13/03/2012 07:59

I think professionals working with kids (education, NHS, whatever) tend to misinterpret parents' reactions sometimes. Yes, if you suddenly give a parent bad news about a child, they will be upset. Sometimes they will be cross. I've known doctors (in particular) use this as compelling reason not to tell them, and just let them work it out for themselves, because obviously parents are too weak to handle the truth and it's kinder not to tell them. Hmm Meantime, months - years - of the kid's life go by where the parents could be helping them but aren't, because they are being "kindly" kept in the dark. Less of a problem in education because when it's bad news it's generally less drastic - but still.

So yes, you tell them the bad news as well as the good. Of course you do, how is it ever a good thing to fail to equip a parent to help their child? On the other hand, I'd agree that there are good and bad ways of saying it, and different parents want to hear slightly different info. Some want to know where the kid is against the class, some against the benchmarks, some want to know progress, some want strong and weak points. And that can be a bit of a minefield. But you can always ask them before you launch off into one, what sort of info is most helpful for them to hear.

Personally, I want it all. And in particular I want levels and I want to know where they are in relation to the rest of the class.

jalapeno · 13/03/2012 08:10

Completely honest please!

cory · 13/03/2012 08:44

Honest about how my child is doing, where they are in relation to expectations for their year group, what they should be working to improve, how we can help as parents, what you intend to do as the teacher.

Not necessarily completely honest about your feelings, particularly not about aspects that cannot be helped.

Some of dd's teachers were perfectly honest about the inconvenience of having to deal with a wheelchair-bound child. Tbh I don't think that achieved much: viewed as information it was hardly news to her father and me, it took time from discussing matters that could be improved, and it made dd feel very uncomfortable about inflicting her presence on the school.

So I wouldn't say absolute honesty- but perhaps as much honesty as is likely to achieve any desirable end. And yes, I would think levels would be part of that.

BigBoobiedBertha · 13/03/2012 09:49

I disagree that comparisons with the class are meaningless. For example, if your child gets to the end of KS1 with a 2b this might appear to be fine but if you are in a high achieving class and everybody else has a 3b it highlights a problem the scale of which is not apparent until you compare with the rest of the class. Why is that child not making the same progress as the majority given that will undoubtedly be a mixed bunch in terms of ability? This isn't a stick to beat them with but a means of trying to find out what the child could better. Nobody is asking for a 1st 2nd 3rd etc place ranking (well I am certainly not) just an idea if they are in the 1st, 2nd, 3rd or 4th quartile.

rabbitstew · 13/03/2012 10:06

Honesty, please (except for statements of personal dislike of my child's personality!). I know my child, I know his weaknesses. I'm also pretty sure I know his strengths. Failure to mention the weaknesses is merely proof of the teacher's ignorance, after which it's hard to take anything seriously, and failure to mention the strengths would be a cause for alarm...

PastSellByDate · 13/03/2012 11:17

nalubeadsgirl:

First off - Wonderful to see a teacher considering parents perspective/ desires. I really am pleased to see it. I say stick to your guns - parents will welcome honesty - but given what you've said, tread carefully - your school (and the Head) clearly do not welcome transparency. Possibly best to argue this from the point of view of OFSTED expectations (which now require this information is known by students/ parents).

Second: What on earth? Indigo & nalubeadsgirl - why on earth wouldn't a school communicate to a parent they've tested and indeed put a child on SEN register. Surely if a child is struggling and the school identify that there is a problem and attempt to assist with it that's a good thing and parents would be so grateful for the help.

Back to the hiding NC Levels fro parents thing. (warning: here commences rant...)

What is going on here? I had to really fight to get NC Level information out of our school and basically things only changed when OFSTED was about to inspect and it was clear that they required that both pupils and parents knew how their children were performing against NC Levels. I've had a rather heated exchange with another teaching professional on another MN feed because she refused to provide some form a brief written summary for parent/ teacher meetings and said that she gave all that information verbally (which being fairly ancient would mean that I would only forget it 30 minutes later).

Personally as a parent I am not angry, upset or likely to go 'postal' should I learn that DD1 was struggling. I would just be concerned. I just want to do all I could here at home to help my DD1 and the school with whatever the learning issues might be. In our case, it turned out the main problem was that maths was taught in KS1 by just giving the poor kids the same test over and over again (11+ club for those of you who have this scheme) and because the children weren't progressing the teacher had them spend other numeracy hours practicing (read memorising) the answers so that they could pass the test. When it wasn't 11+ club days they were endlessly doing pattern sequences and colouring in segments of caterpillars, train cars, etc... By Y2 DD1 was functionally innumerate - she was completely missing the skills to add numbers over 20 or subtract at all - not because she was lazy or goofing around in class, but because the basics quite simply were never taught. My complaints to OFSTED which ended up with a personal interview during inspection have resulted in the school going on one year notice to improve maths provision. (OFSTED I'm your biggest fan!)

What concerns me here as well nalubeadsgirl is that the school (as was also the case with our school) has a tendency to just repeatedly tell parents 'everything is fine, your DC is doing well' rather than honestly convey the information that DC is struggling with reading and writing, could you try and do a bit more at home?

I may be mad. I am clearly ancient. But...why oh why do schools refuse to see education as a triangle between child - parent - teacher (school), where the child, parent and teacher can all work together to help with learning (whether they're struggling with a learning disability or they're a high flyer who needs more challenge). Why is this so difficult? so impossible?

I have just witnessed the distress of Y6 parents at our school (many of whom have had years of 'your DC is doing fine' parent/ teacher meetings) come to terms with their child not passing the 11+ or failing to get a high enough score for the grammar schools in the area and then on top of that deal with the fact that the catchment for the one well-respected state secondary schools in our area has greatly shrunk, so their children are now going to the rough sink school where

rabbitstew · 13/03/2012 12:41

PastSellByDate - you'll be pleased to hear not all state primaries are like that. I'm constantly a little bit surprised by the amount by which my dss' school opens itself up to parental criticism, makes information available even if not entirely flattering, responds promptly, publicly and constructively to feedback, and makes clear on its part what it would like parents to do in return... All this came from the Headteacher's vision, though. I think if you don't have a headteacher who wants things to be this way, it is very difficult for staff to intiate it, because it requires ALL teachers to behave in this way.

gabid · 13/03/2012 13:22

Is he where he should be? In terms of the curriculum/national average - I wouldn't want you to talk about other DC in the class.

Is he working/trying hard? Is he working to the best of his ability?

Is he well integrated in the class? Who does he get on/work well with?

His personality in school. Polite, helpful, hard-working or silly, lazy, disruptive.

What can we (parents) do to support him?