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Original poster

Parent's Evening this week - How honest do you want me to be?

138 replies

nalubeadsgirl · 12/03/2012 18:51

Parent's - asking honestly...What do you want your child's teacher to tell you at parent's evening? What questions would you want answering? Finally, would you want to know if your child was 'below average'? If so, how would you like me to phrase this?

Just be good to hear honestly from some parents. Teaching is very political, as I'm sure you all know. Help me to help you! (i'm already working my socks off for your kids!)

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Original poster
nalubeadsgirl · 12/03/2012 19:29

:) 5 minutes!!!!!!!

OP posts:
IndigoBell · 12/03/2012 19:36

5 minutes!

School really don't believe in communicating with parents, do they :(

juniper904 · 12/03/2012 19:40

Don't talk about a child's position in the class. It's unprofessional and a breach of confidentiality.

I would tell parents the national expectation. In year 4, it's meant to be a 3b. If they are a level 1 then that is massively worrying, and it's not far to parents to fob them off by telling them everything's ok.

If you absolutely cannot discuss levels, talk about how much progress they're making and how you have high hopes for them reaching the age expected levels.

Original poster
nalubeadsgirl · 12/03/2012 19:41

Oh trust me. Most of the parents I don't need 5 minutes with! I'm constantly talking to them! TBH, almost a waste of their/my time them coming in! ;)

I think that's why they only give a 5 minute appointment. If you want longer time, you're expected to make a totally separate appointment.

BUT having said that, I do think it should be a 10 min appointment minimum. On the grounds that I have never ever managed 5 minutes yet! :D

OP posts:
madwomanintheattic · 12/03/2012 19:47

ds1's last parent's meeting took an hour and a quarter and then she burst into tears.

i'd say 5 minutes including an accurate portrayal of attainment in context would be grand.

Elabella1401 · 12/03/2012 19:47

I want to know where my DC's are in relation to: where they should be at this age and their own potential. Also whether they are kind, tolerant, polite, respectul, participate well etc. I don't understand why people need to know what position their child is in the class. A neighbour told our teacher (after she responded to such a question, that his daughter was "better than some, not so good as others") "OK....but she WILL be top!" Ugh!

Sittinginthesun · 12/03/2012 20:02

Our school won't give out levels, although I can usually work them out roughly from homework sheets.

I agree that the sandwich approach is important, and also concentrate on the effort the child is putting in. I would be more worried about a report which said that DS wasn't trying.

Then suggestions about what I could do to help at home, and what he was going to work on in school.

Iamnotminterested · 12/03/2012 20:15

dontrememberme Why do you want to know your child's position in the class ?Confused.

Surely a good teacher would never tell you this?

DeWe · 12/03/2012 20:15

I want honesty. A few statements that show how well the teacher knows my dc is great. If a teacher only gives +ves then it waters down the compliments because I don't know whether they mean them, iyswim.

If you have children that far behind, and can't give levels or -ve remarks then I think you need to speak to one of the senior management and say what do you tell the parents because imo it's not fair to them or the child.

One local school when I was little used to refuse to give exam marks/positions/any idea how they were doing except "he's doing very well". And they frequently had upset parents at 11+ time who thought their dc were brilliant and had failed the not-very-tough exam.

Optimism · 12/03/2012 20:25

If you were my child's Year 4 teacher I'd really like you to be able to use apostrophes correctly!

Avoc · 12/03/2012 20:39

I want to know:

is the little b**r behaving himself?
what is the nc level expected nationally at this age? What is the nc level expected in this school at this age? What NC level is squirt achieving? Is he making an effort or just coasting?

How best can we support squirt at home?

I think it's a shame some schools feel they can't tell parents nc levels. What do they think parents will do with the levels that threatens them??

Original poster
nalubeadsgirl · 12/03/2012 20:41

optimsim fair point, but even typing without typos is an achievement on a smartphone!

Parents' Evening...and 'Parents' ..I am aware!

OP posts:
Original poster
nalubeadsgirl · 12/03/2012 20:41

I would also say that I have just worked another 60 hour week and I'm exhausted!!! Some leniency would be nice ;)

OP posts:
IndigoBell · 12/03/2012 20:43

Avoc - this school are concerned that 20 parents are going to learn their child is behind. Then those 20 parents might ask school what school is going to do to help their children.

Much easier for the SLT if the parents dont know.

learnandsay · 12/03/2012 20:48

So, half the parents are pushy and the other half are in the dark.

Do I kill myself now or later?

MerryMarigold · 12/03/2012 20:49

I assume the 12 SN children's parents already know they are struggling as parents need to know when kids go on SN register (by law I think). So that leaves 8 who are 'struggling'. I don't think it's helpful to have that pointed out, unless there is a specific concern which parents can help with eg. behaviour is causing it. I would also recommend a longer appointment than 5 mins to deal with something like this! Imagine that parent leaving. I would be in bits if it were me and also wonder why something had not been communicated to me before half way through this year!

IndigoBell · 12/03/2012 20:53

That's a very good point. Do the parents know their child is on the SEN register?

I was never told when my 2 were put on. This school sounds like they may not be keen on telling either.

Is this 5 minute slot also an IEP review meeting?

pinktrees · 12/03/2012 20:54

You have to judge parent by parent I think. Say something a bit negative and watch the reaction to judge whether they can take more.

I want brutal honesty but I don't get it from our school. I know for a fact that my 6yo is a little way behind his friends and I also know my 4yo is at or near the top of the class. When I go to their parents' evenings, the stuff that their teachers say about them is virtually identical. You would think both were in the middle of the class.

What I would like to hear is something as blunt as:

  1. 6yo is not good at x, he is (say) in the bottom quarter of the class. This is how you could help him with it.

  2. 4yo is great at most things, just let her carry on.

I do have to warn that some parents don't want to hear it. I have a friend and her DD was struggling with reading. She was (kindly IMO) provided with some extra reading books (more than the rest of the class) and her mum went mad and said education was the school's job, not hers.

I have another friend with a DD and her school told her that her DD was fine. The mum felt that her DD wasn't fine and asked the majority of the mums in the playground what reading level their child was on. She found that her DD was the lowest in the entire class and was absolutely furious the school hadn't been honest about her DD struggling. She feels she found out a year after the school knew and was robbed of the opportunity to help her DD.

You can't win!

IndigoBell · 12/03/2012 20:58

You can't win. But all you have to do is be able to sleep at night.

If it was your child, would you want to know your child was well below where they should be?

Lying by omission is still lying.

Feenie · 12/03/2012 20:59

I know for a fact that my 6yo is a little way behind his friends and I also know my 4yo is at or near the top of the class. When I go to their parents' evenings, the stuff that their teachers say about them is virtually identical. You would think both were in the middle of the class.

However, your 6 yo class could be a super brainy cohort and your 4 yo super thick Smile - so they could actually be nearly identical in attainment. Which is why comparisons to the rest of the class are meaningless and irrelevant.

Iamnotminterested · 12/03/2012 21:01

pinktrees Shock Fair play to that mum for asking the other mums what reading levels their children were on! Bet a few answers were inflated Wink.

At my DC's school reading levels are like religion and salary - never discussed.

jinsei · 12/03/2012 21:03

Indeed, feenie. My dd is in one of those "super brainy" cohorts, so a lot of very bright kids in her class never even make it onto "top table". I imagine it can be a bit of a shock to some of the parents, but against national averages, the kids are still doing really well.

BogeyNights · 12/03/2012 21:08

OP tell the truth, tell the truth, tell the truth.

I was told that my DS1 was 'fine' for almost 3 years in his infant school. We changed schools just before the end of year 2 and were shocked, to say the least, that his SATS produced a 'W' for maths.

For two and a half years I had asked the previous school 'how is he doing? where is he in the class?' and was told he's fine, don't worry.
Forget the lies, tell the truth. He's spent the last two years catching up (at our financial expense) and it's dented his self esteem.

cece · 12/03/2012 21:12

I want brutal honesty.

Warts and all please.

startail · 12/03/2012 21:13

Please be honest,

I know I have the worst and best readers in their respective classes. One DD who makes friends at a drop of a hat and one who who never will.

Please don't pretend that everything's fine if my scatty, eccentric, dyslexic DD1 is driving you barmy and her written work is still as awful as it was a year ago. I know you've met her, a few platitudes at parents evening on top of a bland cut and past report is shear cowardice.

Also try and find one negative thing about DD2 its embarrassing.

(I should add that, both these girls are actually equally intelligent and DD1 is much less of a pain at home than DD2)

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