Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

AIBU - Permission for school trips

89 replies

IndigoBell · 02/12/2011 11:32

Minor complaint alert :)

DS2 brings home a letter about a school trip to the ice rink.

He says he doesn't want to go.

I know he won't be able to skate, because I know he has gross motor skills problems and will not physically be able to do it. I also took him last year and he couldn't do it.

So I send the permission form back, saying I do not give permission, as he won't be able to do it.

School don't know he has gross motor problems, because they don't know what to look for. They haven't taken him skating, swimming, cycling, walking and seen all the problems I have. (But on the form I say 'I don't give permission because he has gross motor skill problems and won't be able to do it'.)

They haven't even realised that the reason his handwriting is so messy is because he can't sit up straight in his chair. (Which really does annoy me - they should have realised this is his problem)

They don't think he has any SEN at all. :)

So, when faced with the permission slip, why does his teacher convince him to go ice skating and tell him he should try?

Was it reasonable for his teacher to talk him into going, without talking to me about my concerns?

Now I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Nothing bad will happen if he goes ice skating, he just won't be able to do it, and an adult will have to sit off rink with him. School probably won't even believe he can't do it, they'll just think he was mucking around.

But nothing good will happen either, and he'd be better off just staying at school and doing absolutely anything else.

AIBU?

OP posts:

starfishmummy · 02/12/2011 11:46

"School don't know he has gross motor problems, because they don't know what to look for. "

Have you told them???

YABU

DS goes to a special school and klids with all sorts of disabilities go skating (including ones who go on the ice in their wheelkchairs). THe school could help him to enjoy it if they knew what help he needed

starfishmummy · 02/12/2011 11:46

Oops Kids and Wheelchairs, The school.

JWIM · 02/12/2011 11:47

You will know your DS's capabilities and I don't feel able to comment on whether he would be able to skate or not. The thing that occurred when reading your post was, if we all stopped at a first attempt because we couldn't do it, we would all make very little progress. Yes, your DS might still not be able to skate, his motor skills may still have a bearing, but it is one year on from the last time and maybe his skills will have changed sufficiently that he is able to make a start at skating. I acknowledge it is a fine balance to strike between 'giving it a go' and getting something positive from the experience and running the risk of DS not being able to do the activity and becoming very downhearted.

Yes, perhaps you and DS's teacher should have spoken about your concerns (he won't be able to do it) and their concerns (he should have the chance to try, it is something fun for the class to enjoy together) before the form was returned or after you had returned it but before the teacher spoke to your DS. You can still have that conversation now.

NatashaBee · 02/12/2011 11:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sparklingbrook · 02/12/2011 11:49

At our ice rink they have those big plastic penguins to push round.

WowOoo · 02/12/2011 11:49

BUt with some assistance, he could at least try. What's wrong with trying? Or just watching?
Doe he really really really not want to go? Watching could be fun.

tethersjinglebellend · 02/12/2011 11:54

Having taken groups of children skating in the past, IME, about 90% of them won't be able to do it, and there is value in going on a trip with your classmates and getting out of school for a bit and having fun. I think your DS going is a good thing.

However, there does seem to be an issue here. The teacher should not have talked him into going without speaking to you, but I am baffled as to why you have not discussed his gross motor problems with them. Are you waiting for them to notice?

tethersjinglebellend · 02/12/2011 11:55

Sorry to repeat you NatashaBee- I am just as perplexed as you!

Original poster

IndigoBell · 02/12/2011 11:55

They don't have plastic penguins or anything because it is a temporary ice rink.
I have spoken to the teacher 3 times this year about my concerns, but she doesn't have any concerns. I'm now going to pay £400 to get a proper OT report done so that she can understand his problems - but that won't be happening till the new year.
What's wrong with trying? - I don't see why he should have a miserable time for something that's meant to be a fun day out. I also don't really want him to have a proper melt down in front of his whole class.
Watching could be OK. I don't know - that wasn't an option on the form. If she'd asked me I certainly would have agreed to that.

OP posts:

OhBuggerandArse · 02/12/2011 11:58

I'm sure this isn't the case, but you do sound a bit as if you would rather be proved right than see if it's possible to work out a way that your son could enjoy the experience, whether or not he can do it straight off (which most people can't). I'd go in and talk to the teacher face to face, with an open mind, and see what you can figure out together to support him.

Original poster

IndigoBell · 02/12/2011 11:58

The school could help him to enjoy it if they knew what help he needed - How would they know what help he needs?

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 02/12/2011 12:01

Could you go with them?

Original poster

IndigoBell · 02/12/2011 12:02

It's hard to talk to the teacher face to face because I work, and that would require quite a bit of organising and the trip's on Tues.

The hard to organise bit is a time to meet her. I'm happy to take a day off work if she wants to talk to me.

OP posts:

bananamam · 02/12/2011 12:02

YABU. You haven't told them? I'm not sure why....the teacher maybe thinks he is scared? Is trying to include him...talk to the school for goodness sakes. They are not mind readers.

Original poster

IndigoBell · 02/12/2011 12:02

I can't go with him because I can't skate.

OP posts:

Original poster

IndigoBell · 02/12/2011 12:02

I have told them I have lots of concerns about him. They don't have any.

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 02/12/2011 12:04

Sorry, I meant to just be there and watch.

Bluebell99 · 02/12/2011 12:05

The temporary ice rink at longleat has the plastic push along penguins so just because it is temporary doesn't mean they won't have them.

JWIM · 02/12/2011 12:05

You may feel that your relationship with school re DS is failing/has failed, but as you have said "If she'd asked me I certainly would have agreed to that" above, would there be any harm in having a conversation now and finding a resolution to this particular matter rather than further entrenching positions?

tethersjinglebellend · 02/12/2011 12:05

Sorry Indigo, I'm still a bit confused... You say "School don't know he has gross motor problems, because they don't know what to look for." but then say you have "spoken to the teacher 3 times this year"?

What exactly are the school saying?

"I don't see why he should have a miserable time for something that's meant to be a fun day out. I also don't really want him to have a proper melt down in front of his whole class."

Please don't assume he will have a miserable time. Lots of the children will be unable to skate; try not to worry.

bananamam · 02/12/2011 12:06

I don't understand your frustration with them not noticing? Have you told them anything at all?...surely it's up to you to tell them?

Original poster

IndigoBell · 02/12/2011 12:06

I'm not going to take a day off work to watch him not skate :)

OP posts:

tethersjinglebellend · 02/12/2011 12:07

Have you specifically spoken to school about his gross motor difficulties, or have you said that you 'have concerns'?

Sorry, not trying to pick at you, just trying to get clarification.

tethersjinglebellend · 02/12/2011 12:08

Don't think you should go with him- defeats the purpose of a school trip, IMO.

How old is he BTW?

Sparklingbrook · 02/12/2011 12:09

I'm sorry Indigo. I don't know what to suggest. Does he want to go?

Flip

1 2 3 4