Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Original poster

AIBU - Permission for school trips

89 replies

IndigoBell · 02/12/2011 11:32

Minor complaint alert :)

DS2 brings home a letter about a school trip to the ice rink.

He says he doesn't want to go.

I know he won't be able to skate, because I know he has gross motor skills problems and will not physically be able to do it. I also took him last year and he couldn't do it.

So I send the permission form back, saying I do not give permission, as he won't be able to do it.

School don't know he has gross motor problems, because they don't know what to look for. They haven't taken him skating, swimming, cycling, walking and seen all the problems I have. (But on the form I say 'I don't give permission because he has gross motor skill problems and won't be able to do it'.)

They haven't even realised that the reason his handwriting is so messy is because he can't sit up straight in his chair. (Which really does annoy me - they should have realised this is his problem)

They don't think he has any SEN at all. :)

So, when faced with the permission slip, why does his teacher convince him to go ice skating and tell him he should try?

Was it reasonable for his teacher to talk him into going, without talking to me about my concerns?

Now I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Nothing bad will happen if he goes ice skating, he just won't be able to do it, and an adult will have to sit off rink with him. School probably won't even believe he can't do it, they'll just think he was mucking around.

But nothing good will happen either, and he'd be better off just staying at school and doing absolutely anything else.

AIBU?

OP posts:
maybenow · 02/12/2011 22:33

the temporary christmas rink in edinburgh definitely has plastic penguins to hold onto...

but when you say he 'wont be able to do it' what do you mean? most of my guides can skate but there's a significantly large group who NEVER let go of the wall, ever. they still enjoy it.

Original poster
IndigoBell · 03/12/2011 09:00

He's obsessed with penguins (obsessed, even though school can't see any ASD traits in him :) ). If this rink had plastic penguins, he'd be there!

It def does not have plastic penguins or anything else. It's a very small, very temporary Christmas rink.

There aren't lots of staff at the rink. The school has not done this trip before, and the more I think about it the more I think it will be a disaster.

When I say 'he can't do it' I mean last year, when we went, he got very distressed as soon as we got on the ice and he had to be taken off by a staff member. He couldn't stand on the ice, because he does not have the core strength to do so (I think).

It's not nice to get very distressed in front of your class. Also he is likely to play up to hide the fact he can't do it.

But I don't actually mind whether he goes or not - if he wants to go, he can. This thread was only about the the teacher talking to him before she spoke to me. And several teachers have responded and said she shouldn't have done that. So now I know it was just a mistake by an NQT and not common.

And, just to clarify his difficulties a bit more because wellThen annoyed me so much - his behaviour at home is frequently awful, and he is normally non-compliant. We were putting this down to 'ASD traits' - and he has lots of them.

But recently we changed his diet and started giving him lots of multi vitamins. This has made him far less angry and hard to manage and has made it blindingly obvious that the reason he is non-compliant is because he can't do it. And the reason he can't do it is because he has gross motor skill problems.

I have been thinking he has dyspraxia on and off for years, but the other two are so much worse than him that I never get to focus on him properly.

His brothers dyspraxia is far worse, so DS2 by comparison looks fine. I was surprised when he was out on a handwriting intervention in Y2 and Y3 because his handwriting is far, far, far better than DS1 or DD.

I think some of you can't imagine what it's like to juggle multiple kids with SEN (and a full time job :) )

Anyway, thanks to most of you for being helpful. I have the answer to my question.

OP posts:
cory · 03/12/2011 09:22

Both my children have gross motor difficulties and dd also has a lot of joint pain- I'd still expect them to go on trips like this and the school to work around it. I kicked up a hell of a fuss the time the junior school said it wasn't safe with dd's wheelchair.

But you know your ds and we do not. As long as it's genuinely because he wouldn't like it and not because you suspect the school wouldn't do their bit.

Original poster
IndigoBell · 06/12/2011 10:53

School trip is today.

Teacher came over to find DH at drop off, and asked if he gave permission for DS2 to go on trip. DH says no, we don't want him to go.

We'd discussed it with DS2 last night and he didn't want to go.

2 minutes later DS2 comes running over to DH and says 'please can I go, it's going to be really good' so DH gives permission. (This is totally unlike DS2. It's not the way he talks)

I'm really cross with his teacher. She should not have undermined us like that.

I don't care if DS2 does or doesn't go skating. He'll either have a good time or a bad time or a bad-time-but-won't-admit-it. Neither scenario matters.

Undermining me and DH like that though makes me furious. Angry

OP posts:
NatashaBee · 06/12/2011 11:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

coronet · 06/12/2011 13:14

Maybe, just maybe he will surprise you - and maybe his teacher has something in mind to help him enjoy the trip. It's nice that she wants him to go (isn't it?). Anyway, do post an update - it would be interesting to know what happens.

Btw Indigo, is it you who has set up a website for dyslexia? I know one regular poster has done that but can't remember who - would like to direct a friend there.

Original poster
IndigoBell · 06/12/2011 13:40

Yes, I've set up a dyslexia website - but it needs updating Blush

His teacher can't possibly have something in mind, given that she doesn't understand what his difficulties are - and that the problem is going to be going on to the ice.

I think everyone's backed into a corner now. She'll have to say he had a good time - and he'll have to say that he had a good time, seeing as he begged DH to go.

But she's totally lost my support. And I'll probably complain to the HT. Which I really didn't want to do at the start of this thread.........

Anyway, I'll update you when I hear how it went.

OP posts:
Original poster
IndigoBell · 06/12/2011 15:47

Teacher and DS said he had a good time.

OP posts:
NatashaBee · 06/12/2011 15:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
IndigoBell · 06/12/2011 16:27

I think I wasted a day of my life worrying about him :)

and the relationship between me and his teacher has now been seriously compromised :(

School want us to support them - but they can't show us parents even basic common curtesy back :(

OP posts:
coronet · 08/12/2011 17:58

Thanks for the link, Indigo. I hate it when it reaches a standoff like this, but guess it is just one of those times you have to brush off. Glad he had a nice time at least.

forceslover · 10/12/2011 12:54

My daughter has gross motor skill problems, she went iceskating once a week with her old school. She fell over, she got up, she skated on, fell over.... you get my drift. She loved it. Let him go once and see if he enjoys it, you never know until you try. I'm off iceskating for the first time in over 30 years over Xmas, I think I will be falling over a lot too.

lilackaty · 10/12/2011 18:53

Have you or dh spoken to the teacher and explained that you feel undermined by her? She may not have intended to undermine you (although that is obviously what she she did) and may be mortified to realise that you feel that way. You will know better than me but I know that I would be devastated to think that a parent thought I was going behind their back.

Original poster
IndigoBell · 10/12/2011 19:08

That would be far too confontational for me Blush.

I'll talk to her when we get the OT report.

She's a NQT. She made a mistake. I'm over it now :)

Now I just want to concentrate on getting school to work with me in following the OTs recommendations.

And also, I want school to learn a bit more about how to spot a kid that should be referred to an OT.

I would far rather school learnt that, then anything else.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page