Etiquette for Birthday Parties in Reception - gulp

[Eggrules]

Hopefully some of you will have experience of children's parties and can help.

My DS has a class of 22. As there were only 2 kids he didn't specifically add list to invite, we asked them all. There are 5 others coming from nursery so 27 in all (yikes). So far 17 have responded with 2 weeks to go.

The party is in a church hall and space is limited. I was expecting a parent to stay with the child. A mum asked today if she could bring her other child. I was a bit but said I would need to see how the numbers go.

My DS is an only. Question is - will people bring siblings without asking?
Anything else I should be aware of?

Ha! My DD is in reception and had her party a few weeks ago. She is an only as well, and I had the same issue

I had lots of siblings (older and younger) come along too, and realised that if I invited 4 year olds to a party and I wanted the parents to stay, then I need siblings to be made welcome as well. The more the merrier really.

Yes, people will bring siblings without asking.

People will also turn up without responding to the invitation.

Have spare party bags at the ready!

Yes, there will be siblings if parents are staying. I have 3 & have never bought the others (if not invited,) but I'm definitely in the minority (from my experience anyway & ds is in yr 3 so have had 4 years of parties). You wont be expected to give them party bags but they will probably nick a few sarnies. When I host kids parties i always put a date to RSVP by, (5-7 days before party,) because you can guarantee that you still get a few replies 2 days later than that & if there's no date you'll get people telling you the day before the actual party! Good luck!

So 27 kids PLUS siblings. Feck I did not bank on that. I am a twin and my OH (so to speak) was NEVER invited to or came to the same parties I did.

I did expect to need to cater and have party bags for 27 - will I need to have party food for extras? I am making up 30 paper bag lunches so that clearing up will be easier.

We are having entertainment that tiddlers will not be interested in. NOOOOO!

Thanks for your responses - I am though.

RSVP date is tomorrow. I don't know half the class and can't chase the stragglers anyway.

But how did you think the invited kids parents would beable to stay if they couldn't bring other kids? Hire a baby sitter?

You don't need to cater for siblings, nor do you need to provide party bags for them. Only the child who is invited is a party guest.

Some people will turn up with siblings. They should let you know ideally but some won't. But you don't have to have them join in, eat the food or have party bags. Hopefully the parent will bring something to occupy them and some snacks for them.

If there is any food left after the guests have finished then I'd offer some for siblings.

nailak - that is something that parents should check first though, not assume they can turn up with siblings. They should check it's fine first before accepting the invite, surely?

We had dd2's 5th b'day party last weekend. We invited 12 from her class (and a few others from eleswhere). 10 replied (9 could come) to never bothered (but didn't turn up). No unexpected siblings stayed. We had 12 4/5 year olds, 2 2yos and then 5 older children (8-13).

2 parents stayed - 1 because their child gets overwhelmed so they felt it would take the pressure off us (and it did) and the other because she had nothing else planned and was happy to watch.

We did fish fingers and smiley faces followed by fizzy jellies and birthday cake. Party bags consisted of some chocolate, a badge and windmill they's made and a cupcake they iced.

I don't know if any of that helps or reassures you?

As dd2 is child no3 we have learnt from mistakes made with the older 2 ;) . What is your entertainment btw? I am just being nosey...

Can you send out an email saying space is limited so unfortunately please do not bring siblings. This is common practice in my school because none of us can do parties for that many kids and parents understand. Most parents I know would ask before bringing a sibling

I invited ds's class of 18 plus cousins - it was in a sports centre hall. Not many parents stayed so we didnt have a siblings problem. We just did drinks, sweets and crisps as food (not supposed to take food in the hall at all) and then had plenty party bags. I chased parents for rsvp's at the school gates once ds pointed out who was who. We werent able to phone/email as we do not have those details for the other parents.

I always buy extra chocolate buttons (or whatever is in the party bags) and balloons so unexpected sibling don't go home empty handed. Always goes down well and avoids toddler tantrums

nailak - I only know from my own social circle. Siblings would stay with the other parent. In the case of single parents my friends have family support and would not need to hire sitters. My DS has a close friend with 3 siblings - she attends the same parties on her own with one of her parents/ grandparents.

Hulababy Until today it hadn't occurred to me. I suppose I thought infants may come along but not siblings as a matter of course. My DS has a close friend with 3 siblings - she attends the same parties on her own with one of her parents/ grandparents.

BadRoly your party sounds perfect. There have been 3 parties so far (that DS has been to) and at least one parent stayed. I am doing a simple pre-prepared lunch. We have already said this is it for parties. Next year tea party or cinema for a few friends.

helpmabob School doesn't have an email list. I can only contact parents before or after school.

OMG 30 kids at least!

Seona1973 I will chase the same way next week.

upthealdi Party bags have space dust in them so I will get chocolate buttons. Badroly science show. I have had it.

Grown ups staying at parties has been the norm up to now. I would have been shocked had anyone asked to leave their child. At least now I know they may have uninvited siblings to worry about.

Round here I would expect a small number of younger siblings, but these wouldn't be catered for.
Usually at least half of parents would stay, but some would leave. Have a sheet for contact details.

In DD1s reception class, all 30 children are invited, invites go out with mobile numbers for you to RSVP to, and siblings/one or both parents come. Then again, the done thing seems to be hiring the local community hall (including bouncy castle) and that easily fits 50 kids, so I suppose it is no big deal.

One parent who left their child at a recent party was discussed in horrified tones. Not so much from the point of view of the child, but that it was rude of the adult to expect someone else to watch his child without even asking and to reject the hospitality offered to him.

When my daughter was in primary school she had parties at an after school type club place. I could use the room for a couple of hours which had music and flashing lights and have the bouncy castle up in the next room. It was great and only cost about 20 pounds to hire it. But i always did my own buffet food, as i like doing it (sad or what?). The room i hired had a kitchen as well so that was really handy. I used to have the whole class of thirty usually turn up, plus brothers and sisters, sometimes 3 extra in some families. PLUS the parents but not all. So i used to take tea, coffee, milk and sugar and my mum who was helping used to make hot drinks for the parents. They did help themselves to food too, but i used to do too much anyway so it was fine. But i never did extra party boxes for siblings. I did this party for age 5,6 and 7 and we had a brilliant time, although it was hard work. From age 8 i used to take a smaller group of about 20 to the local bowling place and that was fine. Good luck to you and don't panic.

In reception I would say that 90 percent attended, most of those were dropped off (i.e. Parents did not attend), especially those with older siblings. I bring our class list prepared by class reps so I have contact numbers in case they are needed, if I don't have someone's number I ask for it when they drop off. When going to play area we are more likely to bring siblings - only because it is cheaper as we only have to pay for two not three, also they find it harder driving away from play area. Often one of us has work to do so keeps them all quiet. Even so we will totally cater for our other siblings and send invited child back to party group. Dd2 going to first drop-off party soon, she doesn't particularly like parties but determined not to loose face by having me hang around, she wants to be like her big sister, and even by yr1 no one will let their mother come! I think you will find that some children do come alone, if you want to encourage it then say 'drop offs welcome' in reception I do check with hosts that is ok to drop off.

Why don't you print off some pictures of space rockets etc and put them in a corner with some crayons, drinks and a few snacks and send the parents there. Don't do teas or coffees, as hot drinks and parties don't mix and takes ages to sort out. Cartons of fruit juice and wine if feeling generous (most will be driving so fairly safe)! You may find that although your son will enjoy science show, as would mine, there will be a few of the just 4 year olds or those who haven't learnt to sit still who won't engage as much, so a drawing corner will benefit them too. Am hoping by time dd is 5 at end feb most children will be sent without siblings, as are making fairy houses which will become the party favour, so not getting lots of spares. Think will say 1 per family and put a few extra sweets if there are siblings. If you haven't already discovered them, 99p store and poundland have loads of good cheap things you can use for spare party bags if you feel you need to give one. I think older siblings need to learn that if not invited don't get more than a sweet, harder to refuse a 3 year old! Enjoy it, I love our LO's parties!

Some stats from my little boy's recent party. Invited whole class of 26, 2 couldn't come, 15 replied yes and 9 didn't reply at all (so rude!). In the end, 13 came along and 1 brought an uninvited sibling, a toddler age about 18 months so not a problem really. All parents stayed. Nobody asked if they could bring a sibling and I know quite a few did have siblings.

Siblings may (or more likely, not) turn up. If they do, have a plate of biscuits or something for them. Re party bags, just do them for the children who are there and do overcater on that front in case kids turn up whose parents didn't reply for whatever reason. Put a bottle of wine in the fridge before you go. Above all have fun - your DS will love it - parties are such big events in their lives (and yours too!).

Around here, a parent will always attend parties with their pre-school children. Siblings sometimes come also. From the moment (and I mean the moment) they start Reception though, drop offs become the norm, although its fine to stay if your child is worried about being left. Parents also stay if the venue is miles away (eg soft play across town), in which case siblings are brought along too and paid for by the parent.

I seriously over-catered for ds1's 5th birthday party cause was expecting 14 parents and got 2. We ate little buns for weeks .

SenseofEntitlement I would never just leave my DS. So far I have spoken to parents hosting parties and asked if it was OK if I came as well and they all expected it to be the norm. I would happily take my DS and a friend to a party they were both invited to - if agreed in advance.

I have picked things that my DS loves. I agree that a show may not be everyone's cuppa but I assumed parents would stay and look after their own kids. I will be charged extra for uninvited siblings.

Thanks; added to checklist:

List of kids names for contact details
Colouring in sheets and crayons
Cold drinks for adults
Extra food and drinks (but not party bags)
Biscuits/choc buttons/organix crisps and water for little siblings.

Clearly did not think things through. My OH and I will be doing it all and I wanted to see our DS enjoy his party as well. I am not confident enough to say 'drop offs welcome' but at least I won't freak out. In fact I am now prepared for extra siblings but am worried about drop offs instead.

Next year a tea party for 5.

I think that the culture probably does vary from class to class. In dd1's class of 30, 22 were younger siblings, and I think their viewpoint does vary from first borns. Most of them wanted to go on their own, as it is seen as a right of passage, so then my dd1 didn't want me to be the only one hanging around. For dd2 she wants to do things like her sister does, fortunately her first 'drop off' is just round the corner with someone she has know since she was 1; and I know I can be there quickly if needed. Don't forget they are used to being all together in class with only a few teachers. Don't necessarily expect parents to help with party, in my experience they often just sit in the corner chatting, if you want them to participate in the show you will need to shepherd them over! One other tip, for when he goes on his own to parties, most people don't keep contacts, when I drop off I bring a note of our numbers. Oh also bring sticky labels with guests names on to label them as you prob don't know everyone's name yet, esppecially helpful if you have children being dropped off. I am sure you will have lots of fun.

One parent can stay without all children. We had 34 children to dd's party a couple of months ago. Two people asked to bring siblings, I said no.

I did allow one sinlge parent to bring hers, but with others I said that just one parent would/could stay.

I had an entertainer and a very ;arge hall, and a face painter.

Brilliant party.

I wouldn't provide anthing for uninvited siblings. I would maybe expect the odd baby or toddler perhaps. I think it is rude to bring siblings.

My dh also works weekends, but I still arrange things so I'm not dragging all the kids to a party.