Etiquette for Birthday Parties in Reception - gulp

[Eggrules]

Hopefully some of you will have experience of children's parties and can help.

My DS has a class of 22. As there were only 2 kids he didn't specifically add list to invite, we asked them all. There are 5 others coming from nursery so 27 in all (yikes). So far 17 have responded with 2 weeks to go.

The party is in a church hall and space is limited. I was expecting a parent to stay with the child. A mum asked today if she could bring her other child. I was a bit but said I would need to see how the numbers go.

My DS is an only. Question is - will people bring siblings without asking?
Anything else I should be aware of?

It is a bit late now, but if it was me I would limit it to 10 DCs, have it at home and get the parents to drop and leave.

Just after the nick of time exoticfruits

Summersoon I may be able to stretch to music/disco and who doesn't love tp mummies? The invitation says 1hr 45 mins. I will think about a contingency.

What's the time mr wolf just before food always goes down well. I also make the cake more of an event too. So all sit in circle on floor and sing happy birthday, candles etc, BEFORE food, as it takes a surprising amount of time to cut, wrap and put into 30 bags. Also depending on design/ size etc, buy/make two smaller ones - decoration on spare one only needs to be approximate, have one pre cut and wrapped and in bags, ready to go.

would agree about only half hour for food

Can hardly stand up now, am not going to think about dd1's party . What was I thinking, having both dc just before Xmas

Just to butt in. Dd did have one fancy dress party with any theme and i gave out small prizes to the best boy and best girl and gave all the other children a pick from a sweetie box. Also when i did the bowling parties, i wrapped up some prizes for best boy bowler, best girl bowler and again the others got small prizes of sweets. My parties were always full! Good luck with yours.

I am fairly relaxed about my own DC's parties. To be any other way is to give yourself a headache

Start from the point that:

Not everyone will RSVP.
Some will RSVP yes and not come.
Some will RSVP no and then call on the morning of the party to ask if they can in fact come.
Parents of reception and above (esp where they have older sibblings will likely drop and run).
Uninvited sibblings will always attend
Whatever you do, no matter how much money you throw at the party it will be stressful and you will need copious wine to recover.

Once you have accepted that as your starting point, remember that parties like this tend only to last a few years. My 7 year old is already in the realms of a few choice friends doing a specific activity.

Then most importantly parties are supposed to be fun and you are a hostess which necessitates acting with a little bit of grace and goodwill even in the face of spectacular rudeness. If you don't like people or events, don't have a party. Truly it's not worth the bother.

So top tips are:

Never provide catering where numbers matter: Providing a specific meal each is a recipe for disaster and kids love a buffet even if it is essentially party rings and quavers

Gender neutral party bags - there is nothing more stressy than realsing you have somehow run out of the "right" bags because either Charlie wanted a tiara, Emily's sister wanted a bag, DH gave someone two by mistake.

Bring a long some packets of crayons/chocolate buttons/playdough so in the event of too many sibblings not enough party bags no one is totally left out.

3db just had to google 'What's the Time Mr Wolf?' Totally doable.
I will buy 2 cakes and cut one up for the party bag before teh party.

Thequeen The last party we went to had about 30 children and had a massive buffet. There was hardly any food left for children at the end of the queue. I have paper bags to make lunches which will be my DS's faves: cheese sandwich, choc brownie, plain hula hoops, apple, juice box. Have to tidy up in a rush.

I have gender neutral bags at the ready. I have an hour so will look for colouring pages to copy.

I will definitely go for 'bit of grace and goodwill even in the face of spectacular rudeness'.

I can see your point about having to tidy up in arush but I have tyo say I have never see the lunch box option work out well at a party (and I have been to way more than my fair share) . For some reason they just don't.

I also certainly wouldn't have children queing for a buffet - sounds like madness- sit them round the table/on the floor/whatever and then start dumping plates in front of them.

If you don't have enough help and are worried about getting it all out "in time" get some of the kids to help - they love doing it.

Good luck.

same menu plan? more party rings?

Personally I'd do at least two varieties of sandwiches and cut them into small fingers (aiming to get 6 small sandwiches out of two slices of bread) IME most children will only eat two but extras quickly get hoovered up by any adults who have hung around, especially when they are bit sized

I'd put crisps in bowls - and again two varieties. There will always be a couple of children who wont like what you serve if it is just one type and whilst there is no need to cater to every whim (as you will be repeatedly tokd on MN!) It is a party and they are kids , the aim is fun!

I wouldn't bother with fruit unless you do strawberries, pinapple chunks or grapes. Apples, unless chopped which is hugely labour intensive, will all be left with just two bites missing.

Juice cartons are great and cut down on spillages compared to squash in paper cups but you will need loads. As soon as the kids start running about they'll be thirsty and if you have only allowed one each you'll forever be fending off requests for more. Another alternative is to do squash and buy the plastic lids an straws for paper cups. You will also need water.

Finally re chocolate brownies these are the sort of things that a lot of DC's don't like. I'd probably stick to fairy cakes.

Sorry if that sounds like I have totally trashed your lunch plans, you just need to imagine 20+ totally hyped slightly psychotic kids who wont sit still for more than 5 minutes. They almost certainly wont appreciate a conventional pack lunch.

Hey queen in what way doesn't a packed lunch work? I've never been to a party that has done this?

Cheese sandwich, choc brownie, bourbon biscuit, plain hula hoops, apple, juice box. Not exciting but all his faves and sufficiently bland that most children will be OK with?

There was a party at school last week. There was sufficient for one each of a few different things. Some children were allowed to run riot and just grab handfuls of what they wanted - it ended up on the floor. I think they are too little to understand fairness. It will be too ££££ to over cater due to excitement or greed. Am I trying to organise the fun out of the party ?

sorry cross post.

I have enough for 2 juice drinks each. I will take water squash just in case (and hope not to need). I couldn't find lids.

I was going to do wraps rather than bread. I will add another type of sandwich. Any ideas?

Will scrap apples/fruit.

I won't know how the tables will be set up until the day but suspect there will be 4/6 tables. I only have 1/2 an hour to set up.

Clutching at straws - does anyone think my food plan is plan of packed lunch sound OK for their 4/5 yo: cheese wrap, choc brownie, bourbon biscuit, plain hula hoops, juice box.

Ps I was trying to keep lunch veggie just in case.

At that age with parents and possible siblings I tend to do a large table at the side with a bit of everything children help themselves between games as and when they want. Then do the cake about 30 mins before the end of the party - ALso ask a parent to supervise the pouring of drinks etc and the writing of names on the plastic cups so each child has their own. For siblings I have a few spare items as a token not the full bag ! Sometimes the elder children are great in helping the brother or sister to participate in the game and I find are a help rather than a hindrance!

The reasons that (IME) pack lunches don't work is:

The numbers are always wrong. You either have to many or two few depending on who actually turns up (your RSVP list will not help you here )

Lots of young kids are fussy and just wont eat even things you consider to be basic like a brownie or a cheese sandwich. This is annoying for the parents who are always grateful their child is at least full (even if it is of crisps and smarties) after a party and annoying for you because the waste is huge - children don't tend to pick other kids leftovers but if the food had just been left on a plate those who wanted it would eat it.

Kids ultimately love the freedom of party food and there is often a sense of disapointment at a pack lunch - esp if they have a packed lunch at school.

I have seen packed lunches work ok, lots of waste, but less setting up. One of my friend who is organisational queen, sent round a multiple choice checklist, i.e. Ham, cheese or jam sandwich. Raisins, strawberry, or fruit pouch, etc. She then had each box labelled with child's name and gave them out. Would help you chase up non-responders and will highlight that catering is just for those invited, also means they have the fun of ordering and get what they like. Will highlight any allergies etc too. Lots of organisational hassle before, but calmer on the day. I have always just done food on table, but always forget to put something out and is harder cleaning up. There are pros and cons of both ways, don't worry too much 4/5 yr olds aren't the most discerning audience, and generally they always say they had fun, and are either of the group who hardly eat anything at the party or later, or like my girls are at the table eating all the scraps, and still expect food when they get home.

You could do packed lunches but leave the sandwiches (choice of 2) separate to be added in - as per lots of public places? I would do ham or cheese, personally. Though tuna went down very well at dd's.

Grapes went down well too, if you want fruit, and carrot sticks. Lots of the boys did'nt like chocoate, I had digestive biscuits, party rings and chocolate mini rolls: several chose digestives

Rosa Having witnessed this crowd swarm of locusts I would be worried about some children getting nothing/ no treats.

3DB I can't even get people to RSVP and so pre-organising the menu is out. Your girls sound like my DS.

How about make your own packed lunch for crisps, cakes and apple or orange juice? I could give them the bag to fill and supervise what goes in so all the good stuff get shared fairly? I could put sandwiches and biscuits on each table for parents/ siblings and guests?

Mumoftwokids your party sounds exactly like what I was expecting. Still 6 without an RSVP and so I will cater for them just in case.

MaggieW wine in fridge

Today, I had two parents ask if they could bring baby siblings. I of course said yes.

Eggrules I admire you for taking on board everyones comments and really hope that you and your DS enjoy the party because at the end of the day, it's your party and your family is the most important. I'm sure all the children will enjoy the party as you have put lots of thought into it but imho it is a priviledge (not sure about that sp!) to be invited to what is essentially a lovely treat!

I like the idea of lunchboxes (because I hate the idea of children taking amounts that they just won't eat and leaving none left for other people) and would perhaps have plates of other things ready to hand out too e.g. sausage rolls, fairy cakes etc

On the subject of the entertainment I think its a lovely idea to have something different for the entertainment, and something that your DS is really keen on - perhaps it will spark a new interest for some of the other children too!

Having given that advice - I also wanted to comment to say you don't have to do what what everyone else tells you - it's your party

I for one can't wait to hear how it goes! Good Luck!

PS my dc is only 2 so I have all this to come!

Ah thanks jetzombie you seem like a good egg . The original idea of lunch bags was so I could do stuff in advance and enjoy the party.

To be fair I did ask what people thought. Drop offs and additional siblings turning up and expecting to be party guests would not have occurred to me. People have been very kind in offering advice. I need to read through again and pick what suits my situation and what will work best for MY FAMILY.

I LOVE parties and my DS has inherited this from me.

Also I have picked food my DS loves and left veggies and fruit off so it doesn't feel too much like a packed lunch. I would have thought ALL children would eat brownies and cheese wrap even if they weren't favourites.

Just looked at feedback and quite a few people have sent thanks for 30 children kept enthralled for an hour. That will do me.

Have got help so drop offs not a problem
4 days to go

Was shocked to hear that at a friend's DC's school (reception) every time there's a party one of the mums organises a collection (suggested contribution £10) so that the party child can have an "extra special" gift from their classmates!

So if 20 families gave a tenner, that'd be £200! What could a 5yo possibly need that costs that much!

Madness.

£10 contribution?! I wish I had thought of bring £1 coin for money box. If I have time, I take my DS and let him choose the little toy and wrap it and he would miss that if it was a collection type thing. Just thought - are you supposed to buy a pressie too?? Yikes. Just say no!

re lunch boxes - this is what we did at DS1's last party - each child got a Capri Sun, 4 cocktail sausages, half a cheese sandwich, a bag of Pom Bears, a wrapped Cars chocolate mini roll. Everyone was happy enough with that. It DOES cut down on waste, and means everyone gets the same (but they can trade items if they like).