Etiquette for Birthday Parties in Reception - gulp

[Eggrules]

Hopefully some of you will have experience of children's parties and can help.

My DS has a class of 22. As there were only 2 kids he didn't specifically add list to invite, we asked them all. There are 5 others coming from nursery so 27 in all (yikes). So far 17 have responded with 2 weeks to go.

The party is in a church hall and space is limited. I was expecting a parent to stay with the child. A mum asked today if she could bring her other child. I was a bit but said I would need to see how the numbers go.

My DS is an only. Question is - will people bring siblings without asking?
Anything else I should be aware of?

My question was 'will people bring siblings without asking?'. DS must have loads of classmates with siblings and they haven't attended any parties held so far. I would rather know in advance so I can plan accordingly. I still think that is impolite to bring siblings without mentioning it in advance but at least I am now aware it will happen .

In my case the sibling in question is expected to be an added extra and this is rude imo. Siblings being upset because they haven't been invited/ like the look of the entertainment isn't my problem. Uninvited siblings in the care of their parents are welcome. We all will need to breathe in.

His from nursery have all had quite large parties every year. We promised a party this year but as he only started school 10 weeks ago it was hard to pick whom he actually plays with. Teacher said he played with one child but is friendly with all.

My OH and I both work full time and split this over 7 days to cover childcare - I work weekends. We have no family support and this is unusual in our circle of friends with children.

In future I may go with amount of children equals age. My DS has been to 3 parties and his closest school friend has not been invited to any of them. He was really upset not to get an envelope in the playground and felt very left out. I haven't invited my friend's children to keep numbers under 30. I agree that 27 is a lot, however I am happy not to leave anyone at school out.

eggrules I'll let you know (if I still have the energy to type)

FWIW, dd1's party in Reception we invited the whole class - she's a winter baby and she hadn't yet made clear friendship groups, as she knew no one when she started. The party was fine, though dd herself didn't enjoy it much sadly...turned out (we learnt through our mistake) she's not a 'big party' type and much prefers small, intimate groups. One thing she did find particularly stressful was handling the mix of school friends and a few old nursery friends - she felt sort of torn between them, maybe something to keep an eye on??

I would never expect dd2 to attend a party dd1 was invited to, but if I was stuck for childcare I would ask if it was ok - with me present to mind her, of course. There is one mum in dd1's class who tends to bring her other dd along to every play date and party in the hope she'll be allowed to stay (minus the mum) and its not appreciated, on the whole.

Elibean I would answer 'yes of course' and make dd2 food and a party bag. Thanks for asking

I have invited older siblings to play. I would rather parents left their child however so far they have all come too (in one case with OH and baby expecting a meal).

Not sure how I would react to an additional sibling WITHOUT parent.

Thanks for the advice regarding split loyalty. I'll bear this is mind on the day.

Best of luck and I hope you all enjoy the day, especially DD2.

I may stretch to spare food but not party bags for siblings, some parents have asked for bags and balloons (helium) for siblings at home! I'm always happy to say no.

I have found this a really useful thread, thank you! Out of interest, for those of you in favour of staying, would you find it acceptable to have drinks, snacks, drawing etc laid out in side room, so away from party but still near your child if needed? Am thinking for dd2 party in feb, she doesn't like big noisy parties, but has too difuse a friendship group for our house, so I really don't fancy the idea of having lots of extra people in addition to those she wants there, especially siblings she doesn't know. That way I guess we are saying the party is for those invited but there is somewhere parents can wait. Her birthday is at end feb so they will have been in reception for six months then.

Just a word about non repliers- whilst I agree that it's very rude, unless you have handed the invitation to the parent personally it may not have got there. My DDs go to after school club and sometimes the invitation has not made it to the book bag!

We are going to a party this afternoon and DH is working. I shall be taking all 3 of them to drop DD2 off (she's 4.5) but I can't stay as I would automatically have to bring the 3 and 7 year old. I can't imagine that would be popular but equally I wouldn't have any choice as DH is not here and I don't have any spare family who could look after the other 2. Not paying for a babysitter either!

I always say "no siblings" on invitations to deter people who have a choice (and indeed only take the invited child when DH and I are both here). However, if people need to bring siblings because they are single parents or single on the day and their child needs them to stay, that's fine too. A couple more added into the mix is usually not a problem.

Hope the party goes with a bang!

In my DCs school the norm is: parents leave from reception age; siblings do not stay; car shares are recommended; you can ask some parents to stay and help.
If you put name labels on the kids, it can be a good place to record a contact phone number. I also email/phone around anyone who hasn't RSVPd, that normally narrows it to 1 or 2 no replies but turn up or no shows.

PosiesOfPoinsettia helium balloon and party bags for siblings at home

3duracellbunnies how many children will be invited? I would be happy to wait in another room or help as required.

sybilfaulty I can understand the principle that people may NEED to bring siblings. Expecting additional, uninvited children to be treated the same way as a guest is selfish and entitled. I would also expect a parent to mention this in advance but appreciate some won't.

mummytime the entertainment are providing nametags - good idea about contact numbers. I don't have contact details.

You live and learn:
. I now have 6 out of 28 replies pending. I thought hoped there would be some people saying no;
. The hall was very difficult to find and does not have the capacity for a large number of uninvited guests.

Well whatever happens I'll cope.

Can I apologise now, didn't realise the entertainer charges more for extra children. Of siblings can't stay.

Really think you need to operate an emergency contact list for some parents to be able to leave (because they really can't stay!)

Any way you can rope in a few extra grownups to help?

I don't think many people will realise that there will be an additional charge. Also the more children there are, the less interactive it will be.

Have asked for help. Party is for 2 hours - First hour is entertainment. Then I was planning happy birthday/cake; food, playing with balloons; party bags to signal go home.

Eggrules there will probably only be about 14; we will do the entertainment ourselves as dh works with children and I help to run a toddler group where we do party games each week. For dd1 we had most of the class, organised chaos, but fun! It's not for us as much for her, she isn't too keen on big groups or big parties, and especially if there lots of siblings that she doesn't know, she won't enjoy it as much.

I would never bring another child, but then I wouldn't have expected to stay either. I would have stayed if you gave me the "it's up to you but he's on his own..." spiel because it would have worried me. But I'd have been a bit taken aback.

3duracellbunnies 14 sounds sensible and I am . I just didn't feel confident entertaining so many children and 2 hours seemed like a long time to fill. One of the parties my DS went to had about 30 children and the entertainment did keep them occupied. I have picked something my DS likes, but some kids may be bored. Party games sound great.

I think here a lot of people tend to stay because if a party is 2 hours and you have to travel it is pointless going anywhere.

TheFallenMadonna you would be right to be concerned. I don't think I would say 'he's on his own'. I do think it is only fair to warn parents leaving that I haven't planned for this eventuality - I would want to know. The norm is that all parents stay, so hopefully this will not be much of an issue.

Eggrules I am in the exact same boat as you, dd is in reception and we are having a party for her, had dilemmas about who to invite. It's in a hall plus entertainer, so we have compromised on all the girls in her class plus her friends from outside school, so about 30 kids. So far there are I think 5 or 6 who simply haven't bothered to reply at all which I do think is quite rude. I'm assuming they're not coming, actually.

I forgot to put no siblings on the invite, but I assumed parents wouldn't just turn up with them without asking first? Maybe I am naive. No way do they get party bags I'm afraid.

I'm new to all of this too, sorry to hijack your thread, but I actually namechanged to post about this (am a regular), because I am seriously put out about our situation - I gave the invitations to her teacher to give out to all the girls in her class (as like your son she named about ten out of the 14 anyway, so I didn't want to exclude anyone), but 2 days later, one of these girls (who she was also at a different nursery with so we know her and the mother) gave out party invitations of her own, it seems to everybody except my daughter.

I am aghast at the rudeness of this, is this normal practice? I just can't believe her mother didn't include dd out of politeness. The irony is the girls are not especially good friends, but I deliberately included her because I can't bear the thought of one or two girls being left out. Sorry for length of hijacking rant.

No worries GreyGardens. People do seem to have one set of rules for themselves and another how they treat others. I thought I would have advanced warning but now know I will have additional siblings and non responders.

In answer to you question I think it can be normal practise and I have prepared my DS that he will not be invited to all parties.

Invitations have tended to be given to children whilst their parents are there for drop off and it is obvious when someone has been excluded. In my case the lovely TA helped - but I realise this doesn't mean the invitations made it home. My DS's friend has been excluded from parties that most boys have attended. He has been upset and crying in the playground . I think his mum is more upset than he is. It seems like the norm is the child themselves picks the people they want at their party (fair enough). I think it is a bit early to have made firm friends - my DS's change during the day.

TheFallenMadonna Haven't seen my OH for a few days. I have just asked if he thought kids would be dropped off or come with their parents and he has assumed a mix. . He is going to be busy.

The lady that brought along her two other dcs, one 9 in my DS's class and one 2 (because she was a sinlge parent) allowed her 9 year old to be one of the volunteers with the entertainer and won an amazing balloon thing ( think it was a gun made out of balloons). I think had that have been me I would have told 9 yr old that she couldn't do that at a five yr old's party. Said 9 yr old is also a bitch to my DS.

My dd had a party the same day as another girl, we invoted everyone as dd was five on 6th Spetember and hadn't started school. When I discussed bringing in invitations for her party 1/10 the other mother said, we're the same day and we've already arranged ours!! I think she thought I'd move dd's. So we invited the whole class and she only invited ten. DD didn't care. Everyone still came to ours!!

THanks Eggrules, I think I just need to take the lack of invitation on the chin, I am probably over reacting, just thought it was a bit mean. If it was me, I would have politely said something like 'dd is having a small party for just a few friends, please don't be offended' or similar, but I'm most likely over thinking it!
Posies that is extremely bad manners, allowing the 9 year old to take over like that!
It's a bloody minefield isn't it? Party politics for 5 year olds!

At least they are only 5 once! From yr 1 on it gets easier as they know who their friends are, so easier to say pick 5 or 10, though of course you still can't keep everyone happy.

All done, all loved it, blood pressure can now return to normal

Thank you eggrules, it went well. Treasure hunting (stones in sandpits), picnic on the 'beach', pass the Pirate parcel, pin the parrot on the pirate, toilet paper Mummies. Which last was by far the favourite, as they got to throw toilet paper all over the place and go wild: very easy to clean up - recommend!

Then dd1's wonderful godmother came and told a story all about pirates and princesses, involving the kids and giving out teeny gifts that fit the story, ending with the wind (in the story) blowing balloons to them to say thank you for helping. She had them utterly calm after a ton of birthday cake: miraculous.

Now we're back to normal (ie dds arguing, dog eating the sausages, etc etc) and resting on our toilet paper laurels

Re original discussion: about 3 or 4 mums stayed that I wasn't expecting as their LOs were insecure and/or they had no transport. I had food and drink for them, which they weren't expecting, and helped a lot, which I wasn't expecting.

The big sisters, OTOH, didn't really want to 'help' at all - or go off and play - they just wanted to join in and I didn't have enough props/prizes to go around. That one was a mistake - I thought they'd feel too 'big', but nope! They were a bit disappointed, though as dd1 has her party in 3 weeks am sure they'll get more than enough then

So now.....over to you, Eggrules, let us know how it goes! Am sure it will be lovely - and if it helps, remember that by Y2 no one will remember a thing about it anyway (including you)

Maybe you will think I am an awful mother...but I don't do parties! My kids (19,14 and 11) have only ever had 2-3 FRIENDS round to tea or a treat like cinema or a play area. I am in control! Parents don't stay nor do their siblings! I am not in the business of providing entertainment for a classfull of children who may or may not even like my child. It's a complete waste of money and totally stressfull having seen other people do it! My kids are perfectly happy with the way I do it. We have had some lovely times with the children's real friends.

Not remotely awful - dd1 loves just a few close friends and a movie: her idea of birthday bliss

dd2, OTOH, is a party girl

Elibean I am so happy things went so well . We had toilet paper mummies for Holloween and it was great fun.

I agree that the extra children will just expect to to be able to join in - who can blame them? I also think that parents may not want to segregate them. In that case it is a bit entitled but at least I know it will happen.

I can't wait to hear how dd1's party goes. Have a well earned

Jamdonut - not in the least bit awful. My DS is obsessed with the idea of a party and this will get this out of his system. I am very sociable much prefer smaller informal get togethers with just a few kids and their parents (now friends too).

Hi Eggrules, I would like to make suggestion: I think that one hour is much too long for 25-30 six-year olds to be entertained with cake, food etc. Letting them play with balloons - hmm, maybe but be prepared for the party to descend into chaos. We have never done a party as big as that (we usually had about a dozen children) but even with a much smaller number, I think that it is still the case.
If I were you, I budget 30 minutes max for the cake and food and would think of some other party games to fill the remaining half hour, e.g. Pass the Parcel and some of the games Elibean (17:01:31) listed. I have also found that, as the grand finale, you can play some disco-ey music (bring a portable CD player if you have one) and get everyone to dance for the last, say 7 minutes or so. The kids at our parties always enjoyed that, it allowed them to let off some steam and because the party was about to end, it never got out of hand.

Good luck and do let us know how it went! And happy birthday to your DS and I hope that he has a ball!