Growing number of children 'don't know their own name' when starting school

[mrz]

www.telegraph.co.uk/education/educationnews/8668117/Growing-number-of-children-dont-know-their-own-name-when-starting-school.html

Custardo, your story made me so angry for you! That's crap.

I can believe some children not knowing their names. I do think there are some examples on this thread that are a bit precious - a child who answers to 'princess' may give you middle-class hives, but she and her parents are presumably quite happy with it as a pet name.

My DH, when he first went to school, might not have 'known his name'. In his culture, you almost never call someone - especially a child - by their full first name. You always use nicknames, and each name will have as many as ten or twenty nicknames to go with it (before you get into family made-up nicknames). I think that's quite important: not all cultures would want a child to learn their full first name that early on; it'd be seen as odd and cold parenting.

and what about the nurseries? Aren't most children going to some form of preschool these days? I thought that the whole idea of subsidised 15 hr a week childcare from age 3 was introduced to address this sort of problem.

Surely the nurseries would address the child by their first name and even teach numbers and colours if that child has not been taught at home?

Rita I struggle to imagine the situation in a large family, particularly multi-generational as I would imagine the need to distinguished between people would be higher whereas I can easily see it in a typical nuclear family as that was my own experience - parents with "better" things to do, family and talking is a low priority, and lots of electronics to be plugged into. So swings and roundabouts, neither group can really be stereotyped - though larger households aren't actually more likely to be chaotic or neglectful than smaller ones and people who are not literate aren't less likely to use oral communication. This problem is crossing all socioeconomic and family types, possibly because society as a whole puts a far lower priority on family/conversation than on economic worth and leisure.

There are cultures where each family member picks a nickname for a new baby. So the baby might grow up not knowing their 'real' name but knowing a lot of other names which is actually a lot more clever and social.

My DD starts school soon and she goes by 4 or 5 names at the moment, I could imagine her stating the 'wrong' one for a survey quite easily.

NotJust - I meant "chaotic" as in chaotic drug use/alcoholism/mental health issues rather than just a busy, disorganised large family.

On the nursery point - pre-school is not compulsory, therefore not all children attend one.

Rita And the typically sized family are just as likely to have drug use, alcoholism, and/or mental health issues as a larger family - my 'picture perfect' middle class nuclear family has parents with all three. Drug use particularly is viewed as a 'white collar' crime. So, back to as I said, you can't really stereotype that one type of family is more likely to have a child with this issue than the other - one is just put forward by the media as 'the problem' more than the other (which may allow those that appear perfect to get away with it more).

mrz- using "oi" or a rude term to address a child - that's really sad, isn't it? I know it does exist. That's the thing The Telegraph doesn't address which I suspected.....I have seen some parents on the street (from challenging backgrounds) either addressing or admonishing their child - and you're right, no name was used, and certainly not a pet name. You wonder what happens to people when they have so little respect and worth shown around or to them that it's mirrored in their behaviour to their kids.

While pet names are cute and my child has one, I felt we shouldn't use it exclusively - if a child doesn't get used to their real name, if you decide to drop the pet name when they start infant school/junior school/certainly secondary school (!!) it would come as a huge shock when their identity suddenly got changed, so to speak!

It's very sad kipperandtiger and makes it understandable how children can grow up unsure of their identity.
Yes pet names and family names are cute but it is distressing for a child to get to school and the people there calling him/her by a totally different name and insisting that is what they are called. Given out of love but can you imagine how confusing it is for a small child.

Hmm. I think that depends on your culture, though. I might be equally upsetting to be the only child in your extended family who doesn't get a multitude of pet names. I am an adult, and my in-laws still would not call me by my full Christian name - it's not very polite in that culture.

I am not having a go at teachers at all, but I do think it is important to respect other cultures. Obviously this doesn't cover children who're called 'oi' at, which is very sad.

Oh dear. DD denied that her name was [full name] at nursery last week as we always call her by a diminutive of it. (She is almost 24 months.) I shall have to start using her full name, but as someone else said above, it just seems a bit cold to use a full name for such a little thing.

On the "Oi!" front, our family has history there, too. About ten years ago, I was at puppy class with our new puppy, and realised that she didn't respond to "No!" but she DID respond to "Oi!" (as in "Oi! Molly! come away from the rubbish bin!"

Nothing wrong in having a multitude of pet names as long as you are aware you have another "official" first name. It might also be helpful for parents to inform staff if their child has a shortened form which is usually used at home.

Really? At four years old?

I think it'd be better if the teacher knew there were pet names in the mix - surely there is plenty of time for a child to learn that she's Alexandra as well as 'Princess' or that Katyshka is short for Katherine? It just seems like an odd priority to me, but maybe I'm wrong. I do get fed up with people bulldozing over cultural differences. But then my DH has a name no-one British can say, so it was utterly pointless for him to tell them his 'real' name since they'd only say it wrongly anyway - don't you think that might be quite as bad for a small child?

community.tes.co.uk/forums/t/508580.aspx?PageIndex=7#6910322
sorry but as a teacher I will not be using the pet name in the final post

At DCs school the registration forms have space for 'known as' as well as 'official' names, and the staff check what the child would like to be called.

mrz, did you mean to link to someone saying disposable nappies lead to lack of toilet training?!

Final sentence

I have only ever had one child not know her name and that was about 15 years ago, she was 3 and thought her name was 'sexy baby'. I kid you not!

I am told that the Russian short forms for Katherine/Katerina/Ekaterina are Katya and Katyshka/Katushka, exactly like the English short forms Kate and Katie........so they should be allowed if teachers allow Bill for William, Beth for Elizabeth, Nate for Nathaniel, etc etc. That's different from arriving in school thinking that your name is "boy", "oi" or "princess", though....poor kids. It really is the parents' fault. Kids are intelligent enough to learn they can be called 2 or 3 different names (as long as all are civil!). I even started teaching my child what my and DH's full names were in case he got lost...."Of course, we'll help you find your parents - what is Mummy's name?"..."Mummy"...."Oh...what is your Daddy's name?"...."Daddy"...."Oh dear, this could be difficult". Hence he knows both our first and last names.

What's wrong with princess? It is pretty and clearly affectionate. I don't see the issue.

My point with a name like Katyshka (and there are about a dozen more short forms of that name that work) is that a teacher may not recognize it as a nickname, but that doesn't mean the child doesn't know her name. After my DH's experiences, I do wonder how often that happens - as an adult, he's not infrequently told he doesn't know his own name (no, he's not called Katherine! ).

It's just so hard to believe, but I'm sure it must happen, but it can't be very common? 3yo DS knows his full name, mine and DPs full names and our address excluding postcode. Took very little effort too, its not that hard and there is no excuse

kipperandtiger we aren't talking about Katherine who knows her name is Kate or Katie or Katya or any other derivative we are talking about children who think they are called "sexy baby" or "boy" or "oi you" or "princess" ...

nojustificationneeded no teachers don't hate parents and I think most of the posters work in secondary education swallowedAfly so don't even have to cope with toilet training or children who don't know their names (hopefully)