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Primary education

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Original poster

Inappropriate teacher behaviour?

123 replies

urbanite · 18/06/2011 10:51

My son is in reception and one of their newish teachers is a young male nursery worker. He has singled out a few of the boys, including mine, as his favourites, calls them 'my [name]' and 'my favourite boys'/ my gang - tickles their necks. It all feels a bit intrusive. All the other staff, male and female, have quite clear (possibly too much so) boundaries and don't seem to get close to the kids at all. It just seems slightly off - maybe more appropriate in nursery but even there I think it would be a bit odd. Not just because he's a man. Would you say something to a manager - not to try and cause a storm, but maybe just to alert him about appropriate boundaries? Or am I being silly?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

mrz · 19/06/2011 22:47

who says it was tickling for tickling sake?

MrsDistinctlyMintyMonetarism · 19/06/2011 22:48

I realise now that I was a terrible teacher.

I used to try and make the children I was with smile. Sometimes if they were having a rough time of it I would tickle them to make them laugh.

I held hands with my class, gave hugs where required, comforted and counselled them.

I got headlice more times than I want to remember. Scabies once. Scarlet Fever once (!).

I taught in the east end of London - most of those children needed reminding to be children, and I know that when I then moved areas it took a little while to realise that other children were not as needy.

So hands up. I'd have tickled them too. Probably told them they were my favourites (although I used to tell them all that).

Just as well I'm not teaching at the moment, eh?

fairydoll · 19/06/2011 22:50

There's a TA at our school who aklways says 'I know I shouldn't havr favourites, but I do like your little Tarquin' The joke is that she says it to all of the parents.
TBH OP I think you are bonkers, and your sort are the reason there aren't more men in primaries :-(

efeslight · 19/06/2011 22:50

who says it wasn't?
i think its an odd thing to do, to children that he doesn't know that well, in a school where the parents don't really know who he is.

mrz · 19/06/2011 22:51

I am also a terrible teacher and will provide Tattoo dates and times so I can be punished

mrz · 19/06/2011 22:52

You think it's odd to hold hands

efeslight · 19/06/2011 22:55

no, its lovely to hold hands with children in your class, the op was talking about tickling, as were we.

mrz · 19/06/2011 23:00

Sorry I thought you were EvenLessNarkyPuffin who doesn't think contact is appropriate

efeslight · 19/06/2011 23:04

no more tickling nonsense from me, off to bed.

PastSellByDate · 20/06/2011 12:14

Hi Urbanite/ all:

Gosh apologies for starting such a storm.

Perhaps naively I imagined a scenario like this.

Urbanite asks a mother/ father of her DS's best friend. Hey - do you know anything about this special boys group of Mr. XXXX?

Friend replies... Yeah, it's great. He's getting them to set up a stall at the summer fete to raise money for charity. They've designed it and everything. He's really proud of all their hard work.

Who knows? The point is that urbanite doesn't really know and is worried.

I thought a gentle question to a friend whilst dropping the kids off may well solve it.

I was presuming there's an innocent explanation.

Holding hands/ not holding hands - all this grumpy discussion - which appears to be by teachers (?) just shows what a minefield this is for teachers/ parents alike. Worse yet - I don't actually think there is any one right answer.

However, given how everyone has reacted to this thread urbanite - I absolutely don't blame you. Do nothing/ say nothing may well be the best policy.

WowOoo · 20/06/2011 12:23

Favoritism is not professional but he will learn to keep his comments to himself.
I can't judge anything else but I do get creeped out by certain people so I think I know how you feel.

I didn't like my son's nursery nurse kissing him on the lips, I told her so quietly and nicely. She was mortified, but said I was right. At the time i was teaching ds1 about not kissing random strangers and people he's only just met.

WowOoo · 20/06/2011 12:24

Meant key worker. NOT nursery nurse.

clemetteattlee · 20/06/2011 12:49

Wowooo, but surely she was neither. Your child, your rules but that makes me feel a bit sad. Why should love and affection be curtailed in the important people in a child's life?

Feenie · 20/06/2011 13:25

Holding hands/ not holding hands - all this grumpy discussion - which appears to be by teachers

No - all the teachers on this thread are appalled that a colleague would refuse to hold a child's hand, not grumpy. This was reported not by a colleague, but by her friend.

mrz · 20/06/2011 17:46

Well I've held hands, tickled and have been tickled and had a thoroughly enjoyable break time

clemetteattlee · 20/06/2011 20:04

And I, for one, am glad to hear it. I would rather DD be tickled by every adult she knows, than be treated coldly and kept at arm's length.

Hulababy · 21/06/2011 14:27

I cuddled more than one child today and ruffled the back of their hair for a couple too. I also held one little boy on my nee comforting for a bit as he'd been quite nastily hurt by another child. I pretended to bash two little girls heads together when they were squabbling - I obviously didn't really do it and they know I wouldn't, but it had them chuckling again within seconds and back to being friends. I called another child sweetie and another one poppet.

All totally normal when working with little children imo.

Purpleprickles · 21/06/2011 20:34

I am a Nursery teacher and keep getting tickled by one of the children in my class. Is that allowed ?

EveryonesJealousOfGingers · 21/06/2011 20:45

This thread has gone bonkers!

mrz · 21/06/2011 20:48

No the thread started bonkers and has finally come to it's senses

ticklers of the world unite!

EveryonesJealousOfGingers · 22/06/2011 20:48

What I meant by that was that initially I thought the 'inappropriate' part of the behaviour was the blatant favouritism, I am at the no of people who think that carers should have no physical contact or affection with their carees - I know that's not a word BTW!

fazedanconfused · 22/06/2011 21:44

Sounds very inappropriate conduct - think you are quite right to be concerned.Agree with BeerTricks who sounds like they know their onions. Important for your child to learn that trusted adults in a school should not say they have favourites anyway.

Buzzybeeme · 23/06/2011 09:46

If you feel uncomfortable and your DS has flagged this up too (has he?) then its not unreasonable to raise the matter with a manager, without making a fuss. I wouldn't like the favouritism, but the tickling is bordering on over-familiarity-especially if this man is new and unknown to the children. What's this teaching them-that staff can tickle and its ok? Where does it stop being ok? and are they big enough to know and bold enough to tell if its not all innocent?

Your instincts tell you it seems wrong...act on them-don't chance it. What do other parents think? Are they worrying too, but afraid to raise their concerns?

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