Inappropriate teacher behaviour?

[urbanite]

My son is in reception and one of their newish teachers is a young male nursery worker. He has singled out a few of the boys, including mine, as his favourites, calls them 'my [name]' and 'my favourite boys'/ my gang - tickles their necks. It all feels a bit intrusive. All the other staff, male and female, have quite clear (possibly too much so) boundaries and don't seem to get close to the kids at all. It just seems slightly off - maybe more appropriate in nursery but even there I think it would be a bit odd. Not just because he's a man. Would you say something to a manager - not to try and cause a storm, but maybe just to alert him about appropriate boundaries? Or am I being silly?

I would talk to your DS and see how he feels about it. Then maybe consider talking to the teacher and letting him know. If you don't think that would help/doesn't help then I'd go to the head of year.

I wouldn't expect any staff member to be tickling the necks of children in school. I do know of a teacher (female) who referred to all the children as, 'My Darling!' She was a shit teacher. I'd have a word with the class teacher about his professionalism.

"I wouldn't expect any staff member to be tickling the necks of children in school."

Why not?

"So if your Mummy antennae are twitching like mad and your instinct is something is wrong - use that school gate to its best effect. Start talking
to other parents." no, no and no. If you have concerns about someone then you should have the courage of your convictions and bring it to the attention of the relevant people, not go gathering support for your concerns at the school gates and raising the suspicions of parents who otherwise might not even have thought it was suspicious in the first place. As soon as you start "talking to the other parents" you run the risk of this turning into something much bigger and more dangerous than it actually is. It doesn't need a campaign to raise concerns, child protection procedures will state that an alagation must be taken seriously regardless of whether there is one report or several...

"I probably wouldn't be so struck about it if he was female, but given the prevalence both
of male abuse and the atmosphere of excessive worry about it, I think that's reasonable." what prevalence of male abuse? oh, the fact that one male teacher has recently been convicted of child abuse? it is totally reasonable if a parent has legitimate concerns to voice those concerns, but on the basis that a male teacher somewhere was convicted of child abuse does not make those concerns reasonable - in fact it makes them less reasonable, on the basis that you are not basing concerns on the actual events at hand here but on media portrayal of individuals in certain careers.

I would imagine the school are vague about his place in the classroom because he is there to help a specific group of children. Schools cannot afford to just bring in extra TA's at the moment - their budgets are being cut left right and centre, so if they can bring in someone extra then extra funding has almost certainly been provided for it, for good reasons. But those good reasons are not your concern if your child is not one of the targeted individuals.

Seeker, because I have friends and family who teach and it's just not something they'd ever do. Why would they? They're there to teach, not play. And my friend who teaches Y2 always tries not to hold their hands because she's sick of catching things like ringworm.

Foundation stage is different though - they are there to play. That will especially be true of an Early Years worker.

Actually I think that a teacher not wanting to touch the hands of her pupils is in the wrong job!! Sometimes I wonder where my class have had their hands but I would never shun a child and refuse to hold hands or give a hug if the child initiates it.

These are 4 & 5 year old children and sometimes require physical contact and perhaps "a tickle you under there"

I know they 'learn through play'. I just don't think it needs to be hands on play like tickling. I'd expect that in a nursery, not a school.

I agree they're very little when they start school, which is why I'd rather they started at 6. I'm probably tainted by my experiences of reception teachers. From my childhood to my dcs, the most unprofessional and plain nasty behaviour I've ever seen has come from them, from playing favourites to bullying children.

Like others I'd be more worried about a teacher of young children not being hands on, than one who was.

I hold the hands of my Y1s. The sit on my knee if they need comforting. I have stroked their hair when they are sad or ill. I have been gven hugs a plenty. I have been known to ruffle hair, etc. I wouldn't see an unassuming nec tickle as anything wrong.

When I taught at secondary there were times when I had to comfort Y7 and Y8 children from my classes too.

DD is in Y4 now and all of her teachers so far have been very hands on and tactile too. I much prefer tha to one that was more aloof.

As for teachers are there just to teach.....disagree. teachers, and other suppot staff, are there for so many other reasons too. School is not just abut teaching a chidl to read and write. The social and emotional side is extremely important too.

Neither would I. I get children (year 1) running up and hugging me, telling me they love me and even proposals of marriage.

That is really sad. Children come and take your hand all the time, they instigate it several times a day. If you don't want children to come and hold your hand then don't be a teacher.

You can always wash your hands when the opportunity presents itself. Sometimes I have to wash them quite often! Little fingers up noses and then they come to hold your hand, lol. All part of the job though.

"eeker, because I have friends and family who teach and it's just not something they'd ever do. Why would they? hmm They're there to teach, not play. And my friend who teaches Y2 always tries not to hold their hands because she's sick of catching things like ringworm."

What sad places the schools they teach in must be!

And my friend who teaches Y2 always tries not to hold their hands because she's sick of catching things like ringworm."

Then your 'friend' in Y2 sounds like a right cow and shouldn't be teaching, imo.

She's actually head of the infants as well! Teachers teach. Nursery assistants play with children and give them hugs. I'd rather have her teach my children any day. She's firm but fair and adored by all the children she teaches. They even come back to see her when the're teens! She doesn't try to act like their mother or carer. She's very kind to them but doesn't treat them like her children - they have their own parents!

I'd love to hear what the parents of those children would have to say if she said that to their faces.

Rubbish! and I'm SMT and would be most unhappy to see a teacher act in such a way. I bet they don't come back to shake her hand or give her a hug

Teachers teach. Nursery assistants play with children and give them hugs.

Don't recognise this scenario at all. As RitaMorgan pointed out, the EYFS is all about play. As for hugging - turn away from a sobbing child and 'hand' them to a TA - making sure of course that not one bit of your nice clean skin touches any nasty germy children's hands?

No thanks.

Teachers teach. Nursery assistants play with children and give them hugs. and those who shouldn't be working with children won't hold hands

I'd still be extremely concerned about ANY teacher, and especially an infant school teacher, who only went to school to teach. The social and emotional side is so important throughout school and especially in those first few years.

There is so much more to teaching as a profession to simple teaching the curriculum!

Of course it's not just the curriculum she teaches. It's also how to deal with being annoyed or upset and how to be kind and respect each other and how trying hard is important and how if things go wrong you can just try again and how we all have different things we're good at etc etc

It's also the other stuff though - listening to them, comfortng them when they need it, holding their hands when they need you too, stroking their hair and patting their backs if they are upset ..... showing them you care, that you are here for more than the curriculum. A primary school teacher needs to be far more than a teacher of stuff. Par of beig a teacher is a bit like being a social worker and a nurse and a "parentlike" figure at times.

as long as she doesn't have to hold hands