Inappropriate teacher behaviour?

[urbanite]

My son is in reception and one of their newish teachers is a young male nursery worker. He has singled out a few of the boys, including mine, as his favourites, calls them 'my [name]' and 'my favourite boys'/ my gang - tickles their necks. It all feels a bit intrusive. All the other staff, male and female, have quite clear (possibly too much so) boundaries and don't seem to get close to the kids at all. It just seems slightly off - maybe more appropriate in nursery but even there I think it would be a bit odd. Not just because he's a man. Would you say something to a manager - not to try and cause a storm, but maybe just to alert him about appropriate boundaries? Or am I being silly?

Do the boys in his "gang" have something particular in common? It may be that they are receiving targeted attention and so are actually "his boys"

Thonk you have been given good advice, use your instinct, quiet word in management ear, they need to know your concerns and can deal with it appropriately.

Urbanite:

I think there are several problems here. First off as corn55ilk suggests you have learned this from your son in Class R. It's concerning but I think to be fair you have to start with the assumption that this is only part of the story. I know you are concerned but you have to start with the realisation that it is unlikely he's truly on his own with these kids - most schools have staff in and out of classes or the hall/ gymn all day.

Try checking the website of the school to see what the official role of this man is. It may be there is a simple explanation. Perhaps he's the SEN and 'his special boys' may be a way of making children with learning difficulties feel proud rather than ashamed. Which trust me is preferable to being told your stupid and made to stand in the corner (My DH's experience as a child - turned out he was severely dyslexic).

From your sons perspective it may be that he sees certain boys have a great relationship with the 'cool' guy teacher and he feels excluded. Male teachers are a rarity in primary schools unfortunately - we have very few at our school and some the trainees have been brilliant and the boys have naturally gravitated toward them. I think they're a bit desperate for male role models.

Try asking some of the Mum's in the school ground about this teacher - what do they think about this 'special boys thing'. Maybe target one of the Mum's of one of the special boys, if your DS can tell you who these boys are.

Tickling is tricky - some kids love it and others absolutely hate it. Don't forget Round and Round the garden like a Teddy bear is a real feature of 3-5s at nursery and Class R - it could be that this tickling under the chin thing is simply a spill over from that. My kids adored it and begged me and all in sundry to do it endlessly for a few years. I kind of miss it now.

I'm not trying to be a saint - I have issues with a teacher currently at our school. I just don't like what I've seen and the more I hear the more concerned I get. So if your Mummy antennae are twitching like mad and your instinct is something is wrong - use that school gate to its best effect. Start talking to other parents. If something is concerning a group of you - there is strength in numbers. A group going to the HT or Governors is very hard to ignore.

"So if your Mummy antennae are twitching like mad and your instinct is something is wrong - use that school gate to its best effect. Start talking to other parents."

I really, really wouldn;t do that. That's how rumours start - before you know it there'sll be a full scale 'paedophile panic' going on, and the poor man's life will be intolerable.

If you are realy concerned, talk to the teacher. But keep it very light. 5 year olds are the world's most unreliable witnesses - he's probably saying the same to everyone - "You're my favourites" - in a Bruce Forsythe sort of way.

Urbanite/ Seeker:

Can I stress that I was just suggesting Urbanite talk to a few parents and see what they think. I sincerely hope there is a simple explanation (go back and read all my post Seeker - I gave a few suggestions).

I was in no way jumping to the conclusion the teacher was a paedophile.

However if a group of parents are uncomfortable about this tickling thing - they have a right to tell the HT (possibly just in writing) and ask that this practice is abandoned. That was all I meant. I think it would be easier for the teacher to have the HT raise this with them than to be confronted by a group of parents.

My sincere hope is that it's something entirely innocent and that there is really no need to confront the teacher or the HT.

I'm afraid Seeker not all teachers are approachable/ easy to talk to and not all schools are open to criticism (constructive or otherwise). It's an incredibly tricky thing. I was simply suggesting to Urbanite that rather than put herself in the position of being a single individual being 'difficult' with staff/ school - if there is a general concern it might be more effective vis a vis the school to raise the issue as a group.

But Seeker does raise an important point Urbanite - you must be extremely careful how you raise this issue because you really can't make unsound accusations. I'd suggest you simply ask parents if they know anything about Mr. ??? 'special boys' - what is that about? It may be there his football squad on sports day for all I know.

What I'm saying is that if Urbanite says anything like that to other parents at the school gate, it will be round the playground like wildfire. We know from reactions on here how incredibly suspicious people are of male teachers.

"Has little Johnny said anything to you about "MrX's Special boys?""
"No, why do you ask?
"Oh no reason - just something little Timmy said"
You can see how that, once it had gone through a Chinese Whispers process could become a very ugly rumour.

What EXACTLY has this man done? Referred to a group of little kids as 'my gang? ' etc and tickled their necks?

I despair sometimes.

Deffo a paedo.

So this man, in a predominantly female environment, is engaging with a group of boys at their level and is building up a rapport and a relationship with them. He is going out of his way to make them feel included and more bonded after a difficult year.
You want to report him for that?
Maybe he has been given this group of boys to work with because they need extra support and have been disruptive and difficult to teach.

If he was a woman, would you have posted this?

TBH I'd rather have this man in DDs classroom than the female TA who appears to have a pole up her ass, never cracks a smile and informed my daughter that her Grandad is 'stupid' because he forgot to ring her library book into school on the right day when I was in hospital recently.

I find lots of adults who work with children seem 'insincere' to me, mainly because, as an adult, I'm not used to people I talk to smiling a lot and being enthusiastic about things.

makes note to be unenthusiastic when chatting to parents in future

OP if you feel uncomfortable about this persons behaviour your first port of call should be the class teacher who will be able to clarify his role and if indeed he is a key worker for your child. Personally I don't think anything you have said is a huge cause for concern. He is perhaps a little naive telling a group they are special but it could be his first placement /responsibility and he genuinely feels that way.

mrz - I wasn't saying that teachers shouldn't be enthusiastic, just suggesting why the op may find the teacher 'creepy' and 'insincere'. Would have thought this was more helpful than encouraging her to start a playground witch hunt.

jugglingmug I would hate to be though insincere or creepy because I can be OTT when it comes to teaching ... makes note to tone it down

Favouritism is not good.

But is it favouritsm? Are you sure they are not a group who he has been asked to work with for some reason?

The touching and affection is not an issue imo.

I work as a Y1 TA an I have little groups I work with seperately fromt he main class. I do sometimes call them affectionate terms. All getting them on my side for the intervention I am doing, etc. And I am affectionate to the children in my class too. I can honestly say that is is all above board with no ill intent on my part at all.

As a teacher I will often say will "my group/boys/girls" come here/do this ...

I think it's impossible for a reception teacher not to sound a bit insincere to an adult until they've decompressed for a while at the end of the day. Being that jolly and smily and enthusiastic all day takes it's toll. Like the Barbie dolls at the end of Toy Story.

OK. First, no way would I start playground talk about this. Second, no he is not the key worker or anything else, and these are not in a special group, but they are a bunch of friends. He is an early years worker, about whose role the school has been very vague. Third, I am creeped out but I do not want to react on those grounds, which is why I posted here. Fourth, I probably wouldn't be so struck about it if he was female, but given the prevalence both of male abuse and the atmosphere of excessive worry about it, I think that's reasonable. Feel free to disagree. If I really thought my child was in danger of abuse I would be down there like lightning. I was more wondering where the lines are drawn, as he seems to have quite different understandings of them than other adults in this setting. Which may well be a good thing for the kids but might be ill advised for him. This has been quite helpful - I think I am going to do nothing at the moment. Thanks for the various sensible thoughts about this.

ps Mrz - yes, you might well say my group - but 'my John', 'my special boys', 'my favourite'? I don't think you would.

I would never use the term "favourite" but I might say "my John" in the playground or around school to distinguish the John in my class from other Johns in school ...

is this person new to the school? could he be a student?

seeker lol at 'decompressed'
i used to be freaked out by the way our reception teacher talked - until I worked in eyfs.
we are in a mixed nursery/reception unit and definitely the nursery stage children seem to need more physical contact, they will sit on laps, asks for cuddles etc whereas in reception comfort can be offered much more readily in terms of voice tone

They are being vague about his role because he has been employed to work with a specific group of children but the school don't want the parents to know why IMO. it doesn't have to be SEN, sometimes it is to do with ethnicity, gender or economic background.

Are you sure he only does it to a few children?

I tell every class that I teach that they are my favourite.