Do I have a word with the teacher?

[Aliz07]

A bit of a difficult one! DD (year 6) auditioned for the school play. She hasn't been given a part. She's very upset as quite a few children who didn't audition have been given parts.

Every year she's auditioned but never been given a part. I think part of the problem may be that unfortunately she doesn't stand out. She's quite shy/quiet in class, has never been in trouble and probably doesn't register much on the teacher's radar, if that makes sense.

Part of me wants to speak to the teacher and ask why, on the otherhand I don't want to make trouble.

I'm quite sad for her. It's her last chance in primary school and she's left out yet again. She's very upset, especially as all her group of friends are participating. She just never seems to get picked for anything and she's feeling that it's not worth trying anymore.

Well don Aliz for standing up for your DD.

The early parts of your post I could have written myself. DD (11) has had the same teacher for two years and the teacher simply does not like her - she told me as much at parents' evening. I then upset the teacher even more by complaining about something so now she cannot bring herself to even speak to me. I told DD that she did not stand a cat in hell's chance of getting a part in the end of year play, and I was right. I was going to take it further at the end of the term, but the teacher is leaving so I have decided to leave it. I just keep telling my DD that what goes round comes round, and the bitch will get her comeuppance one day.

I hope your meeting goes well and that you get some resolution. Is your DD looking forward to Senior School?

She is looking forward to senior school. All her friends are going to the same one and she has loved the taster days. I think what upsets me the most is that she always loved school and really put lots of effort into her work.

I think it's just this particular teacher that has caused problems. When asked by the Head she said that she loves the TA and the teacher who takes her for literacy but that her own teacher always made her feel invisible and now makes her feel unwanted :(

In my DD1 and DD2 school, ALL the kids have a part each year as it's a very small school (40 kids). So they have NO choice

Aliz- I just wanted to say well done for supporting your DD like this. The situation is awful and the teacher sounds like she should think about changing career. The school is failing her, but you aren't. I hope your DD has some happier times soon.

Aliz07- I know others have said it but I have to reiterate: what an articulate, intelligent and mature little girl your DD is for being able to put her experiences into words and articulate her feelings. I certainly feel from what you say that she is an amazing pupil who doesn't need validation from a teacher who clearly has some shortcomings that others have noticed and pointed out. That said, your DD is still human and would like a bit of reciprocation from an authority figure she has shown respect and obedience to, and quite rightly so. I came late to this thread but just to say what excellent and persistent support you've shown her - if only more mums did that! Quite right that you brought up the matter to the headteacher. I suppose the good thing now is that your DD is off to senior school soon so she can have a fresh start.
Just wanted to share this with you (I'm sure you know it already). It's addressed to a boy but if you change the male words to female ones I think it encapsulates what school can sometimes be and how we should just rise above it, to stay sane! I'm sure your DD is mature enough to understand its meaning. www.poemhunter.com/poem/if/

Aliz - I hope your dd has had a good day today. As others have said, what a brave girl to speak out.
How did your meeting this afternoon go?

How was this afternoon?

Well the meeting went well. DD's teacher insisted there was a misunderstanding and became quite hostile. At one point the Head told her to 'moderate her tone', she then said "well I can't see the bloody point of being here" and left.

At this point we were asked to wait a few minutes and the Head went out. We chatted with the governor and he agreed that if his child was in this situation he would want "firm action taken". He told us he would support us in any complaint we pursue - I was very surprised at this response as we had expected them to support the teacher. We both got the impression that there is a lot more to this than just our daughter.

The Head came back and said she will be arranging for a different teacher to cover DD's class and can I bring DD on Monday. They're prepared to have her 'dip in and out' if it helps but are 'committed to making her last weeks of primary a positive experience'. DD's teacher will be 'working on admin' until 'issues are resolved'.

I've spoken to DD and she's happy to go back as long as she doesn't have to see her teacher.

So we'll give it a go and see what happens. I'm very pleased with how supportive the head and the governor seem.

Sorry if I don't answer any questions quickly, we've got rather a lot on this weekend.

Thank you everyone for your help and support.

Good on you!

Been following this thread and have been cheering you and your lovely daughter on.

Hope she has a lovely time this weekend and also things are better when she returns on Monday. Sounds like the teacher has been put on bloody well merited "gardening leave".

Btw, I'd also be mentioning (if it hasn't already) the silly proposal that only the good-at-acting children get parts in school plays. Surely school plays are for everyone. It's not bloody RADA auditions is it?

Have been following your story for the last couple of weeks and I'm so glad that you had a positive outcome from your meeting with the Head. Your DD has been very brave and you have done all the right things to support her. I was so struck by your story I discussed it with DH, and I do try not to bombard him with 'guess what I saw on Mumsnet' stuff -so boring for him. We both agreed that it sounded like the teacher had been resorting to using treats and rewards to bribe the difficult pupils into behaving. Easy to see how that can happen, but look where it has lead. Obviously there are other deeper problems for her and I think it makes one realise what a fantastic job good teachers actually do. Best wishes for your DD as she progresses. Awful as this experience has been I'm sure in time she will realise she has learned much from it - including the falibility of adults.

You are a lovely mum and your dd will always know you put her first. The head sounds good too but if there is more too it I wonder why it has been left so long.

Wow! Just read your most recent update and I have to say that the actions of the Head and Governor indicate that there must be a massive back-story here regarding this teacher. Sounds like your issue has been the last straw. I can't recall ever hearing of a teacher being removed from class to "work on admin" for the last few weeks of a year - so things must be serious. I wonder if, in stating support for any action you might want to take, the Governor actually wants you to. It's very hard to take disciplinary action against a teacher and they may be thinking that a concrete complaint might help their case. If the teacher became hostile during a professional meeting with her superiors and parent, was asked to moderate her tone, and subsequently swore and walked out... well, there's a whole issue there on its own.
But for you the most important thing in all this is that your DD is happy in her last few weeks of primary school. Well done for getting this sorted.

So glad to hear your dd is able to go back and enjoy her last weeks there.
Agree that must be some back story with the teacher, your complaint could be the final leverage they need to remove her.

Well done for supporting your daughter. She'll remember in the future that you stuck up for her when it really mattered.

Wow! this is the most wonderful thread i have read in a long time!

Not for what happened to your DD but for the way she was able to stand up for herself and for the wonderful example of parenting youre responses have been. You can both be so proud!!

I wanted to agree with clam that your are actually providing the school with the ammunition they need to get rid of this teacher. I'm a teacher too and have worked with many excellent teachers. The few utterly awful ones like this are really very hard to shift without good evidence...which you are giving them.

I wish your DD the best, am glad she will end the school on a positive note and hope the damage this teacher has done will quickly be replaced by a growing inner confidence and knowledge that positive action really works!!

You have made my day!!

Thanks everyone but I really don't feel I've done anything special, it's been quite upsetting to see DD so unhappy. I'm glad the school are acting but I'm worried as well as I don't want to feel responsible for someone potentially losing their job.

I met one of the TA's this afternoon and she went into an awful lot of detail about this teacher. I felt quite uncomfortable as I'm sure she's not supposed to break confidentiality but it turns out there is a lot more to this than our complaint and the teacher has been on a final written warning since an incident in February. From what the TA said this teacher has upset many of the other staff and caused quite a few problems. I don't want to go into detail as it's not my story to tell and I really shouldn't know the details.

Do NOT feel responsible for what this unprofessional teacher has done. I am appalled and upset about what your little girl has had to go through, no person let alone a teacher has a right to damage children in that manner. This is the precise reason to why I became a teacher, as I had similar incidents when I was in primary school. It is damaging and people like that need to be taken away from working with children, but as previously mentioned, it is hard to find evidence to weed out those who are appalling at teaching, believe me, I have a few horror stories to tell! Children need to be nurtured and supported in a positive way, and by the sounds of things, your child is a treasure to teach and I would be privileged to have her in my class!

Please remember that you have done the best thing for not only your child, but for others as well. Trust me when I say that your child knows that you care and has seen you fight for a justice, and that is what counteracts the issues and disgusting behaviour in which someone in authority has caused. Be proud that your daughter has shown upmost maturity and stood up for herself, as she has a right to an education and feel safe and secure within her environment. There is a positive message to this and that is your daughter is a truly remarkable little girl and even in the face of adversity she has shown decorum and guts.

You have truly been understanding and quite patient with the teacher, and all that teacher has done is be undermining and hurtful. It is not your fault that someone so unprofessional has been allowed to continue working with vulnerable children. I hope that teacher does indeed lose her job as if it were up to me, I would not allow her to work in an educational setting ever again. If my four had an experience like that, I do not know what I would do. Well done for being so understanding and supportive for all parties, you and your daughter are truly a credit to the school.

You are selling yourself short! Standing up to the system is hard to do, really hard. And this teacher has done all this to herself, not you! Toomuch is right.

You would not be responsible for this teacher's predicament. It is her actions alone that have brought that about. You responded to an unacceptable situation for your DD, as is your right as a parent. It was entirely reasonable for you to speak to the Head about it; that is her job. Whatever else has gone on is, as you say, not for you to know/tell, but try to move on and concentrate on boosting your DD's confidence.

Aliz07 - you're a cool mum! Don't worry about the teacher's job situation, it's not like "An Inspector Calls" - as you pointed out earlier, your DD wasn't the first pupil to have had trouble from her. Besides, if she ends up changing her career it may turn out to be a good thing for her. She doesn't like she was comfortable dealing with the challenges of her job.

Do let us know how things go next week

Well she's at school :)

We had a few tears this morning but I reassured her that it would be a different teacher and that I could be there at a moment's notice if she needed me.

We went into the office and the Head had a quick chat with us and reassured DD that she can leave class and come and find her at any time should there be a problem. She also said that DD's teacher 'is not in the building' so she need not worry about seeing her, I think that helped DD calm herself a little.

The deputy head is teaching the class and I know DD likes her so hopefully she'll be okay. Doesn't stop me worrying though!

The head teacher told me that several staff have been given responsibility for DD and they will all be 'looking out' for her and making sure she is alright. She also said it is unlikely that the teacher will be returning to school in 'the foreseeable future' and she can only apologise on behalf of the school. She said the welfare and education of the children is their primary concern and that everything possible will be done to ensure this doesn't happen again.

So now I just watch the clock until 3pm.

Well done your very brave DD.

As well as being a fairly shocking story, this does highlight how hard it is to get rid of bad teachers. It's clear the HT knew there were real problems with this teacher, but couldn't do anything about it without another complaint (or some other form of evidence).......

That is dreadful. I'd give it this week to see if she mends her ways and pays more attention to your daughter and if not go escalate it through the school's complaints system. If you don't get any joy from that take her out of school if you can - she'll not miss much from an education point of view this half term.

It's sorted Nikki!

Hope she has a lovely day Aliz!