Do I have a word with the teacher?

[Aliz07]

A bit of a difficult one! DD (year 6) auditioned for the school play. She hasn't been given a part. She's very upset as quite a few children who didn't audition have been given parts.

Every year she's auditioned but never been given a part. I think part of the problem may be that unfortunately she doesn't stand out. She's quite shy/quiet in class, has never been in trouble and probably doesn't register much on the teacher's radar, if that makes sense.

Part of me wants to speak to the teacher and ask why, on the otherhand I don't want to make trouble.

I'm quite sad for her. It's her last chance in primary school and she's left out yet again. She's very upset, especially as all her group of friends are participating. She just never seems to get picked for anything and she's feeling that it's not worth trying anymore.

how did the meeting go op?

Sorry I didn't update, DD needed my time yesterday.

I told headteacher how DD was feeling and she called her out of class to have a chat. DD broke down and told her everything that she told the teacher but also added she now feels the teacher doesn't like having her in class at all. Yesterday when taking the register she called DD's name and when she answered she said "Oh yes, I know YOU'RE here" in quite a sarcastic voice.

The headteacher has apologised, she says DD is "an exemplary pupil" and that she agrees the school is failing her if she doesn't get chances/recognition. She agrees that the teacher's response and attitude is not acceptable and I have to make a formal complaint in writing and it will be taken further.

When she asked DD what she wanted to happen DD said "I don't want to be here anymore". The head sent her to collect her things and has agreed that, at the moment, it's damaging her more to make her go to school.

So she's staying off for the next few days. I took her to the GP last night and he says she's suffering from acute anxiety. He was very surprised to see her like this, his daughter attends the same club as DD and he knows her quite well. His advice is to keep her off indefinitely and he's writing to the school to inform them.

So that's it for now, we'll just take it a day at a time. DD seems so relieved to be at home, she has to go back to the GP tomorrow as he's investigating counselling for her.

I feel so guilty that I didn't realise what was happening until DD was at breaking point, I just wish I'd known earlier as it's horrible seeing her so distressed.

Good for you.

I am so angry I want to go and punch the teacher in the face at once. What a cow bag.

I actually cried in the Head's office yesterday which is not like me at all.

It just broke my heart to hear DD say some of the things. She said "I know I probably don't deserve to be happy at school and that's okay". It's the fact she's so resigned and thinking she's not worth more that really upsets me.

Honestly at home she's usually happy, funny and quite confident so I had no idea she was feeling so low about school. I've failed her too by not seeing what was happening :(

Now look here. You have not failed. Stop going down that road, it will help neither you nor your dd. You have stepped up to the mark, supported her and dealt with it. Now support her more by telling her the truth: that some people in life are just cunts (use a different word if you feel it necessary), and that that is how it is. Teachers are not gods, they are human beings, some shit, some great. It's no biggie.

And then go out and laugh and eat ice cream. And dance.

You have certainly not failed your DD. I honestly don't think that anybody knows what goes on in their DCs minds half the time, let alone the whole time.
I agree 100% with Hully, I am married to a teacher and have seen good and bad, same as in all walks of life.
Again, I agree totally with Hully, some people are cunts, again, change the word if necessary.
And a final agreement with Hullywhospeakssense, enjoy the time with your DD. You are her hero, bathe in the glory and have lots of ice cream.

Oh don't worry, I'm putting on a very happy face for DD. We're planning a girly day out hair/nails etc for early next week.

I really hope I don't meet the teacher, I don't trust myself to stay calm. I still have a younger DS at the school so have to be there every day.

Oh, what a sad situation, I feel for your DD and it must be awful for you that something so huge has come out of the blue and from an apparently small matter as a part in a play.

I hope you can find a solution quickly as I'm sure your DD would rather be in school - it makes my blood boil to hear of such terrible teachers but I'm pleased that the head is taking is so seriously.

On a practical level if you're not already doing it can I suggest you keep a written log of what's happening as it happens with meeting notes and agreed actions just in case (hopefully you won't) you need them in the future.

Best of luck to both of you .

Your wonderful daughter for standing up for herself, and I am . I am saddened that someone in my profession could behave like that. She sounds lovely, send her to my class. :) Well done for taking it further.

Sorry for terrible editing!

Thanks for all the advice. It really helped to have some of the comments from this thread in my head yesterday.

I think we'll go off for a walk and pick up ice cream.

Goof for you op.

good even. oops.

I am completely and utterly shocked at the way the teacher behaved. If people did not bother to audition they should not have been given parts however good they were. Any good teacher would have found a part even if just a line for all those who said they wanted speaking parts.
The way she answered your daughter's queries is appalling.
Thank goodness the Head was supportive and it seems has admitted the teacher is completely in the wrong.
The way the teacher was over the register is also completely unprofessional. she must have had a ticking off from the Head and it is very wrong of her to take things out on your daughter. she sounds a very poor teacher and a complete bully.

However I don't see why your daughter should be missing her last few weeks of school. The school should be going out of their way to make amends and give her a really good time, lots of praise etc. If the teacher is unable to treat your daughter correctly she should be suspended.

When your daughter is older she will not want to look back on her last few weeks of primary school as having been spent at home. It is surely important for her to keep busy at school and see her friends at school etc. and feel that everything is normal. I think by keeping your daughter away from school the bad teacher is having a very easy time as she is not having to face up to the trouble she has caused. If you were to send your daughter back in I'm sure the teacher would be careful not to cause further offence as she will know the Head is keeping an eye on her. I think if your daughter is back at school she will remember the incident but will not worry so much as her mind will be kept busy and she will hopefully have end of term parties, sports day etc to look forward to.

OP thank you for the update I am pleased to see that the head actually took this as seriously as it should be taken..

how does yoru dd feel now that she was taken seriously and listend to? I think counselling is a good idea for her it will help her to come to terms with this.

I would write the complaint. I would also speak with your dd's friends parents in child feels similar. hope you have a lovely girly day soon

I am so impressed and proud of the way that you and your DD have handled this situation. That your DD was brave enough to repeat everything to the HT after the knock back she got in the meeting with the class teacher, is amazing. She must be a very determined little girl.

You have a done a great job supporting your DD - you may feel sad that it went on for as long as it did, but you reacted quickly and effectively when you became aware of the issue - what more could any of us do?

Your poor daughter :( What a mean teacher, and how fortunate that the Head was supportive. I hope that your daughter feels able to go back to school before the end of term. It will be good for her to leave on a happy note rather than disappear iyswim.

The last few weeks at Junior school are a very important rite of passage. A fun time with special activities, plays, a last chance to spend time with the friends they may have had for seven years; some who they may not see regularly or even again due to transferring to different secondary school.

I am glad the headteacher is supportive but think she is rather burying her head in the sand.

How is the teacher is allowed to get away with this? She should be disciplined and told in no uncertain terms that any more snide comments will result in a formal warning which will go on her permanent record. If she is a professional she should be able to keep her feelings about your DD to herself and make a big effort for her last few weeks at junior school to be memorable and enjoyable.

The head teacher has arranged another meeting with me, for after school tomorrow. One of the governors will be there, as will DD's teacher, so my DH is going to come home early to attend with me so one of us can take notes. I've asked what action will be taken against the teacher and apparently it's 'undecided' but the teacher would like a meeting as she feels it's all a misunderstanding.

I'm not quite sure what DD and I are supposed to have misunderstood! She was quite clear in her attitude.

I've spoken to a few of the other parents whilst picking up my son. Sadly we're not the only family to have complained. One parent has made an official complaint as the teacher told her daughter (who has dyslexia) that she was an idiot :( She's a lovely child and has worked very hard to attain a good level so definitely doesn't deserve that (not that any child does).

Several parents have previous experience of this teacher with older siblings too and she seems to have a reputation of being quite nasty and uncaring.

They are all extremely surprised at how unhappy DD is and quite shocked at what's happened. One said, yes she's quiet but she's always polite and well behaved.

Three of us have arranged to meet in the park after school tomorrow so DD can still see her friends. I'm hoping that will persuade her that it will be worth going back to school as I agree it might be bad for her to leave on a negative note.

"misunderstanding" ?
blimey, i'd hate to see what she's like with someone she doesn't like then!

Tbh one of the other parents described her as a "bullying bitch", I was quite surprised that as soon as I said what had happened they were all giving quite strong opinions.

I suspect she's trying to play down what's actually happened given this is not the first complaint.

Aliz07 - I felt quite teary reading your update. Your DD is so so lucky to have a mum who will fight for her and you have obviously done a brilliant job of instilling confidence in her for her to be able to say all those things. I hope things work out for you and the teacher gets the sack

would it be worth trying to get testamonials from the other parents?

We did explain to her that the only way to make this situation better was to be brave and speak up. I told her that although it might not help her now it may help other children coming up through the school.

It was one of the points I picked up here so thanks to whoever pointed that out :)

I'm very proud of her but she's extremely fragile so I'm keeping things as stree free as possible at the minute.

I have nothing helpful to add but I do think you and your DD are ace