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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

best time to tell them about the birds and the bees...

123 replies

Cordova · 19/05/2011 21:35

what age is a good time to tell kids the facts of life? My DS is seven and is pestering me to tell him where babies come from - he already knows they grow in mummies tummies (he'd be frankly backward if he hadn't worked that part out), but he wants to know how they get in there...he seems so sensible and mature about things, but wonder if I'd be opening a whole can of worms by tellling him!

any advice?

ps my mum told me when I was five and I told the whole class...eeeek, I know there are some pretty stuffy parents of kids in his class who certainly wouldn't want their little darlings to know yet...

OP posts:

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tiredandgrumpy · 20/05/2011 13:02

I told ds (7) and dd recently when dd (5) asked how the baby had got in my tummy (I was pg). I am very much of the opinion that they need to understand the basics from young so that it doesn't become some sort of an embarrassing secret later. That said, when it came to the detailed mechanics, I did get a bit worked up about telling them.

Should I have worried? Absolutely not! They took it all very matter of factly and actually weren't that bothered, so I don't think they've been interested about it enough to discuss it at school. It's only we grown ups who find it something to be embarrassed about. I think it's important to teach them the proper terms, too, like penis, sperm etc.

umf · 20/05/2011 13:05

Any more book recommendations?

(My mother gave me the maddest Christian birds and bees book which was full of weird hints about tricky topics but didn't explain anything properly. I burnt it so my brother wouldn't see it and insisted she look for Usbourne or something sensible for him.)

hmmSleep · 20/05/2011 13:29

I told my Dd1 (5yrs) as she wanted to know how my now dc3 got inside me.

I said the Daddy has a sperm which swims into an egg inside the Mummy and that grows into a baby. The baby then comes out of a hole in the Mummy's bottom. She was most smug when she discovered that unlike her brother and sister she was born by C-section. She kept telling everyone, 'They came out of Mummy's bottom, but I didn't'.

Freeschoolmum · 20/05/2011 13:31

Let's Talk: About Girls, Boys, Babies, Bodies, Families & Friends (Robie H. Harris) is a fantastic bookfull of matter of fact information presented in an engaging style. The level is spot on for 4-7 yr olds. It's one of my dd's (6) favourite books.
www.amazon.co.uk/Lets-Talk-Babies-Families-Friends/dp/1406306061/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1305894301&sr=8-3

hmmSleep · 20/05/2011 13:33

Hello umf!

mungogerry · 20/05/2011 13:36

"a good time" is when they ask.

walesblackbird · 20/05/2011 14:57

What do you do when they're just not interested in knowing! DS1 is approaching 10. He knows where babies grow and how they come out and I've tried talking to him about the mechanics of sex. He clearly doesn't really know what sex is although is keen on using the word!

It's complicated slightly by the fact that he's adopted so I didn't give birth to him and his daddy isn't his birth father. But it does mean that he had a good understanding of where babies came from right from word go. And given that he's since been joined by an adoptive brother and sister he knows that I didn't grow them. Giving birth to two 12 month olds would have been tough I should imagine .

I have Where Willy Went and Mummy Laid an Egg and I've sat down with him tried to explain but he's just not showing any interest.

We've had to have some difficult conversations over the years so I'm not embarrassed at all but I don't want to push at a closed door either. And there's no point suggesting dh does it .... my son will be a grandfather before that happens.

wordsmithsforever · 20/05/2011 15:47

Another vote for Let's Talk About - my copy is called Let's Talk About Where Babies Come From - see www.walker.co.uk/Let-s-Talk-About-Where-Babies-Come-From-9781844281732.aspx - and it's really excellent. To me it strikes the right note, not too deathly serious but not as if sex is just one big joke.

For my older DD (nearly 11), I like www.amazon.com/Whats-Happening-Me-Guide-Puberty/dp/0818403128

The nice thing about books is that they can keep going back for clarification and you have a good script in front of you!

SilkStalkings · 20/05/2011 15:54

I gave my DD(8 next week) a couple of books (Horrible Science Body Owner's Handbook & Where Willy Went) which explain the concept but are a little vague about exactly how people 'join' together. Still waiting for her to scratch her head and ask for more details. Have to keep them out of DS(6)'s way though because he would ask that straight away!

Fooso · 20/05/2011 16:49

I agree with all the above - my son is almost 12, and I have just tried to answer any questions he has. I have also said sometimes, "we can go into further detail when you're a bit older" which he always accepted. I will say though that since he started secondary school his knowledge has trebled! some of the terms he asks me about I have to say " I don't know you'll have to google it"! Jeez, I feel old...

IThinkTooMuch · 20/05/2011 16:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 20/05/2011 17:14

walesblackbird my 10yo ds isn't remotely interested either. We've had a couple of chats about puberty (or rather, I say something about boys start growing into men - although this takes a long time but changes happen; ds shrugs his shoulders), he knows how mammals reproduce (result of "what are those hyenas doing?" and the like - and a lot of natural history programmes, which he enjoys), that mammals feed their babies, and that we're mammals.

It's a bit crap really though. I'm hoping school will pick up the slack.

hardcolin · 20/05/2011 20:40

My dd will be five this summer. A couple of years ago we looked through birth and baby photos while we chatted about this topic so she already knows that babies come from Mummy's tummy and about how she lived in my womb, and fed through the umbilical cord (one of her favourite topics atm ), but I haven't pushed to explain about the actual sex part yet.

She still calls her own body parts 'bottom' and 'front bottom' (her names not mine). She is aware of the correct terminology but should I correct her, or leave it be for now?
I have always been straightforward with her but I never know just how much info to share.

mungogerry · 20/05/2011 20:41

Another fan of the "Let's talk about..." range here.

AuntEnna · 20/05/2011 20:56

I'm a bit worried about this, I agree that you should answer questions when they're asked, but my 9yo Ds hasn't really asked yet. I didn't want to bombard him with a lot of information he wasn't ready to hear or wasn't interested in, but now I wonder if I should've broached the subject anyway. He has childrens science books about the human body and encyclopedias etc that explain the biological side of things but I don't actually know if he's ever read those chapters. I really sound crap now. I think they do Sex Ed in year 5, which he will be in september but I don't want to be one of those parents who leave it all up to the school and then the child is horrified by the whole idea. If I bought one of the books recommended above and put it in his room would I still be being such a rubbish mum?

crystalglasses · 20/05/2011 20:58

Don't worry if your children tell others in the playground. it's not your problem. You are being a responsible parent by telling your dc about conception. It's very important imo to talk aboiut it in terms of loving relationships so they get an early message that love, sex and consent go together.

PollFlanders · 20/05/2011 21:05

Yes, that's so right about consent. When my nearly 4 year old asked why children don't have sex I explained that as sex might lead to having a baby you need to be old enough to look after and support yourself before you can look after a baby, and that you need to be really sure that you want to have sex with a person, and that it can be difficult to be completely sure about that until you're older. (I'm aware it's actually MUCH easier to explain this to a child when 'older' is a vague and far away concept!!)

Cocoflower · 20/05/2011 21:54

Can I ask... would anyone think it bad if your 4 year old dc watched quite a 'graphic' (if that is the right word) birth on OBEM?

inanna12 · 20/05/2011 22:15

fooso, your post has made me feel worried.
my 8 year old has been doing basic sex ed in school. i have felt strange about it, because the subject has simply never come up, so we haven't covered it with him at home. i feel fine about talking about such stuff (i have a 15 year old stepdaughter and so am already in the children/sex interface years), but am not happy to foist it upon him. but i trusted that the school were presenting the info senstively and age-appropriately. however, i have discovered that a child in his class suggested he google "sex".
google is a useful tool, but you have to be an adept and experienced user to get what you need out of it. in the case of the "sex" search, you can imagine what came up. educational, sure, but not in the way my child was expecting.
i have been into the school to talk about the whole issue because i feel they were extremely naive in not recognising that sex ed is a more complicated world than it could be because of the internet. had i been tackling this issue myself with my child, i would definitely have brought up the issue of internet porn, and how the internet can give a skewed sense of sexuality. the school were apologetic and understanding. but my boy is hideously embarrassed as he recognises he started to gain access to something inappropriate and, at least at the moment, irrelevant. i feel cross and sad that the dialogue between us on this vital subject has been started in such a negative way. any thoughts, anyone?

notnowbernard · 20/05/2011 22:16

My 4yo saw a bit of an episode of OBEM.

She wasn't freaked out by it

Cocoflower · 20/05/2011 22:23

notnowbernard so did mine.
Had no idea she walked into the room while I was watching it until she laughed "the baby is coming out of a mummy's bottom!"

She seemed quite amused and seems fine with it, but I didn't tell anyone about this in RL incase they were not too approving, plus I felt a bit guilty...

notnowbernard · 20/05/2011 22:27

I was pg at the time

The 6yo was v interested in all things baby and pg related and wanted to see the birth (alas I'm not that progressive)

So I let them watch an episode of OBEM. It was a straightforward VB one (I'd already seen it, we watched it together on catch-up later) so I felt ok with them seeing it

Cocoflower · 20/05/2011 22:31

Thankyou I feel reassured. Since Im expecting dc2 I guess dc1 will at least be prepared if she ends up witnessing the birth somehow!

notnowbernard · 20/05/2011 22:32

Congratulations

Cocoflower · 20/05/2011 22:33

Thanks :)

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