best time to tell them about the birds and the bees...

[Cordova]

Hi

what age is a good time to tell kids the facts of life? My DS is seven and is pestering me to tell him where babies come from - he already knows they grow in mummies tummies (he'd be frankly backward if he hadn't worked that part out), but he wants to know how they get in there...he seems so sensible and mature about things, but wonder if I'd be opening a whole can of worms by tellling him!

any advice?

ps my mum told me when I was five and I told the whole class...eeeek, I know there are some pretty stuffy parents of kids in his class who certainly wouldn't want their little darlings to know yet...

[CaptainCaveman]

I'm enjoying reading this thread, and honestly think it's full of good ideas and sound advice. DS1 (yr 2) is about to have sex and relationships education and I'm very at ease with this. My friend on the other hand is up in arms and is lambasting the school for irresponsible behaviour and waving all sorts of government targets at them . Each to their own, but personally I do agree, the more you can talk about this openly and as part of family life, the easier it must be? My parents were VERY awkward about sex or any aspect of puberty and I'm striving to do for my ds's what I wished my parents could have done with me.

[dickydawkins]

www.guardian.co.uk/world/2011/may/25/labour-challenge-anti-abortion-group

[GoddessJuno]

If you think 'dingle dangle' is funny, when my daughter was 4 she announced, "Daddy got a willy....and a bag of sweeties."

As far as the sex and making babies thing goes, I'd just tell it to them straight, but at the level they are at. So, at 4 we talked about 'special cuddles' and by 7 it's more like 'the baby comes through the vagina' etc. It's us who has the hang-ups about it - not them. Just do whatever you feel comfortable with!

[unlucky67]

BTW what the hell is wrong with front/wee bottom and poo bottom and willy?
Do people really tell their children to wipe their vaginas (which wouldn't actually be correct!) ...or their anus? or shake the drips off their penis? Really????????

[unlucky67]

Come to Scotland ...my DD1 got the 'naming the bits' video etc I think it was P2 or 3 (5 or 6 yo) the only bit I thought was going too far was 'this is the clitorus it feels nice when you touch it' (or similar- they did say the penis got hard sometimes too) - I seem to remember a cat with kittens in there ...and they got an idea of the mechanism. Her second lot in P5 - (7-8 yo) actual mechanics (cartoon) and a video of someone giving birth ...lots of stuff about relationships (inc introducing same sex couples). Next lot is in P7 (10-11 yo) not sure exactly what they get told there... someone I know who has seen the P7 video wasn't very specific but was shocked - not sure if they start tackling oral sex/same sex sex...I would imagine contraception...
I'm not particularly happy with it (you can exclude your child if you want but how uncomfortable would they be and they would get a garbled version in the playground anyway ) - I've always answered all the questions my DD had up to the level she wanted to know ...and she was investigated for possible early onset of puberty so had a NHS booklet about changes...
I was annoyed that they would show them all the other stuff but as I recall never mention menstruation (or if they did not that I remember)...when girls starting at 9 or 10 isn't unheard of - now that might be useful. Otherwise I feel they are just creating more interest in sex at a younger age and depriving them of their childhood....

[sevenseas]

I told DD(9) basic info about puberty/menstruation over the last couple of years (drip feed, really). Decided now was the time to go into more depth but she is just not interested. Had another talk to make sure she understands that she/her friends may go through a few changes soon and have now left it at that. Books are now back on her bookshelf (she did hand them back to me last week soon after I gave them to her).

[Insomnia11]

I've already covered gay relationships given that we've attended two civil partnership ceremonies since we had children.
Only in terms that men can marry men and women can marry women.

[BettieMac]

MoreCrackThanHarlem- My ds (7) came home form school singing that the other day. I told him a condom was a special kind of sock that daddies wore, and that his tongue would fall off if he sang that song again. Haven't heard it for a while now :)

[Swiddle]

Our ds1 asked us "how are babies made? when he was about 6. My dh launched into a full explanation which ds1 listened to silently. Dh then asked if he had any questions. Ds1 replied "how is chocolate made?"

[cory]

imho whatever words are used in any one context is the proper term

so they need to know 'willy' to speak to their friends and 'penis' to study biology

one is not more correct than the other- it's all a matter of context

what you don't want to do is to teach them some cringeworthy term special to your own family- if you've raised a laugh round the playground and puzzled the biology teacher you've got it wrong

still haven't forgiven my parents for teaching me a twee word for poo that was not recognised by anyone

[mrsmcv]

my dd 5 just asked so I told her, proper words and everything. Then she said: so you don't need a man to have a baby, just some sperm? erm.... a whole nother conversation needed!

[midnightsun]

Bucking the trend here and teaching willy and vajayjay to my 4 year old DS.

My parents were trendy 70s hippies who taught me to say penis and vagina when I was 4. I cringe about it now especially when I hear their stories of mirth about how I shocked the pensioners in the post office loudly and bossily pointing out and declaring who has a penis and who doesn't, and other worse ones.

I wish they had used more childish terms and descriptions until I was about 10.

[VeryStressedMum]

My dd's know absolutely everything, EXCEPT that the sperm comes from the penis gets hard puts it in...... I'll have to tell eldest dd very soon as she's going to high school in September and I can't let her go there without her knowing it. I'm really open about everything and we all talk a lot about periods, gay people, puberty etc but I really really am not looking forward to saying 'erect penis' and explaining what we do!!! She'll likely be a bit horrified and never be able to look at her dad again!!

[howabout]

I have 10 and 8 year old dd and neither of them really want to know the facts. I am pg and they have an older friend who has just had the "talk" at school so was prepared and happy to answer all the questions, but I don't think you can force info until they are ready for it. The older friend informed them your pee comes out your vagina after reading the fpa materials a couple of years ago. It took a lot of persuasion to convince them that women actually have a 3rd hole where babies come out. I left the room while blue peter was on and came back to find them witnessing childbirth. They both promptly informed me that I needn't expect to be a grannie any decade soon. Periods were recently accepted very matter of factly when I explained about women's bodies getting ready in case they decided to have a baby once a month and if not then your body cleaned out and started again. I don't think it is appropriate / accurate to link male erections purely with sex so when asked we discussed it in terms of excitement and also the mechanics of blood flow like when you get flushed cheeks. Did show them pictures of how babies develop inside mummies but they gave me the tmi look and walked away before we got to how babies are conceived.
I remember knowing the facts from about 8 but didn't really start to believe them till my emotional development caught up years later.

[Insomnia11]

And if my daughter told the class I'd prefer she was giving them the right info rather than the "The boy has to do a wee into you" stuff that used to go round the playground when we were 7/8, very confusing and worrying!

If other parents had a go at me because of this so be it, tough titty.

[Insomnia11]

The right time to tell them is when they ask, in a way you think they will understand. I find sex/biology questions quite easy, it's death and the nature of existence I find more difficult to explain.

Also "Do you believe in God?" causes me a sharp intake of breath.

My daughter hasn't asked about the act of procreation as such yet but when she was three and I was pregnant with DD2 she asked how the baby got in my tummy- I stuck to biology with eggs and seeds etc, but if she had wanted further info I'd have supplied it. Also she asked how the baby comes out and I told her in basic terms.

We now keep hens in the garden and this prompted a discussion about eggs, and I told her we have eggs too but they are tiny, as a precursor to discussing menstruation (she is nearly 6 now). I will tell her properly about periods when she is 6/7 in case she starts early - would prefer that to the shock if she didn't know what was happening.

I don't believe in making things up about the Stork etc. I hope both daughters will be able to be open with me about sex, relationships and sexual health when they are older.

[TennisFan]

My DC are 11 and 7 and i can't remember either of them asking anything about this.

[WowOoo]

LadyWord I see what you mean and I sue the same terms.
There's no way my 5 yr old will remember 'Urethra', wee hole, baby hole and bum hole are far simpler and what I used and understood as a child.

When I did biology much later I got the right terms.

He knows he and Dad and men and boys have a penis but calls it his willy. Fair enough. And he knows that men don't have babies as they haven't got the right hole and the right bits inside their tummies.

[LadyWord]

hung up, sorry

[LadyWord]

Oh I have a "baby hole" too, having had to explain it to DS recently - he's almost 6 and was asking more and more questions till it got to the point where I would have to lie to fob him off, and I'm not doing that.

Baby hole is not twee, it's descriptive. DS was trying to get his head round what women have instead of willies - he sorted it out as they have a wee hole, a baby hole and a poo hole, whereas men have a willy and a poo hole, and the willy is for the baby cells AND the wee. (It is pretty odd when you think about it...)

Having got the facts straight DS pondered for a LONG time then asked "Muuuuum - does that mean you and daddy have done that thing!!!???" :o

I am all for being honest with children and I agree if they're old enough to ask about it, they can be told, sensitively obviously. But I don't get this thing about having to use "vagina" and "penis". Tbh they're not the words I use so why should DS? They sound stuffy and medical to me. There is nowt wrong with willy and baby hole IMO. We don't insist on children saying "umbilicus" or "patella" do we, just because it's the proper term? Which suggests to me that people who insist on vagina/vulva etc. are actually more hung about it than they think, IYSWIM.

[DizzeeRascal]

On hearing how men impregnate women, my son scratched his chin thoughtfully and walked off to play with his friends. I later overheard him tell one little pal 'Yes, the seeds shoot out of my penis but it won't hurt ... isn't that right Mummy?'
Sheesh, something got lost in translation.
;)

[Sibella1]

My five year old was very proud the other day. She said the teacher asked what rhymes with China, and she was the only one who put her hand up and she said: 'Bagina!' The teacher then said excellent!!

The worst is that I don't remember teaching her the word 'vagina'?

[ibbydibby]

Told DS1 the basics when he was 5 or 6. His poor little eyes nearly popped out of his head. And then he said "Will you be able to help me the first time I do it mum...." Er, no....