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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

8 year old refusing to go to school

86 replies

torie1980 · 07/02/2011 15:28

Hello, i have a 8 year old that started junior school in september, my problem is that he hates school and now is refusing to go to school i have managed to get him there for a few hours a day but feel like i am failing him, he wont tell me what is up with him and it is heartbreaking to watch him go through this i am at my wits end with him x

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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LindyHemming · 07/02/2011 15:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

torie1980 · 07/02/2011 15:37

I just need some advice on any thing i can do to help him.

OP posts:

Original poster

torie1980 · 07/02/2011 15:37

his teacher does not care at all

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TheVisitor · 07/02/2011 15:37

You need to make an appointment with his teacher to see what the problem is. Also, is there another adult he trusts who he might talk to?

Original poster

torie1980 · 07/02/2011 15:39

he i as very academic boy and does not struggle at all so i cant understand at all he is now under camhs to help him but this is not helping

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Original poster

torie1980 · 07/02/2011 15:41

I have had ten appointments with his teacher and she just says it is a stage and he will grow out of it, but it has been going on for a year now, i have had my parents speak to hm and my friends he wont open up to anyone and cause i am on my own with him i feel so alone

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TrailMix · 07/02/2011 15:43

What did his teacher say when you asked about this?

Has your DS been happy in school up to now?

TrailMix · 07/02/2011 15:44

Sorry x-posted.

Has he missed a lot of school?

scurryfunge · 07/02/2011 15:45

What reasons does your child give?

Could you change school or home educate?

TheVisitor · 07/02/2011 15:46

Has he actually received any counselling as yet?

Original poster

torie1980 · 07/02/2011 15:47

no he has not been happy for a few years at school, his teacher and the senco worker think it is a stage but i know my child and there is more to it then just a stage. my child starts screaming when u mention the word school. i have just started the process of transfering my child to a new school as i am thinking a fresh start might do my child good

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Original poster

torie1980 · 07/02/2011 15:49

He has missed a bit of school not a lot and he has not recieved no councelling could not home educate as i have a two year old aswell and it would not be fare on them

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TrailMix · 07/02/2011 16:00

Transferring sounds a good idea if he's been that unhappy for years. Years is a long time for an 8-year-old. Has he EVER been happy at the school?

I'd be frantically trying to get information out of his teacher, his TAs, classmates' parents, former teachers... anyone who could build a picture of what's going on.

What does he think about changing school?

Original poster

torie1980 · 07/02/2011 16:06

Trust me i have been in contact with the parents of his best friends and they have asked there children but they dont know anything, i am sure his school just think i am over reacting on this matter we have had massive meetings he has not been happy since reception the school dont really seem to care at all i am so worried that this is making me ill with all the worrying

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Original poster

torie1980 · 07/02/2011 16:07

He is ok about changing schools but it seems to be taking forever and i am worried that he wont get in as he is under special measures for his behaviour

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bettyboop63 · 07/02/2011 16:58

you know what id do id go to the gp explaining all the above and as yr DS is obviously upset about something and as he has a behavioural problem id ask for a referal for CAMHS ive had to for my DS its a bit of a wait but their could be other reasons hes doing this behaviour and school refusingand in meantime contact your councils schools admissions officer i had to for my son and they had room at another local new school it might not be as hard as you think my DS was being bullied so they changed him very quickly

cornsilk · 07/02/2011 17:00

Op is already with CAMHS
what are 'special measures for his behaviour'
OP there are lots of posters in special needs section who have personal experience of this - you could also post there for advice

cornsilk · 07/02/2011 17:02

sorry OP I'm sure I read that you were with CAMHS but can't see that now

ommmward · 07/02/2011 17:13

Having a two year old COMPLETELY WOULD NOT STOP home ed being an option.

come talk to us in the home ed thread. There are many many home ed families with multiple children of different ages, and with pre-school children too.

bettyboop63 · 07/02/2011 17:14

oh so sorry didnt see about CAMHS either now id still ask for him to be checked by child development clinic then as if it points to anything in particular they will be able to make you appointment/ ref to others like SALT for example my DS is ASD but their are quite a few different disorders it could be or as i say it could be something like bullying i hope ive not worried you more by saying that

bettyboop63 · 07/02/2011 17:17

oh forgot to say via CAMHS ( if school is making him unwell IYSWIM) can fill out a form under mental health to get him a tutor who can come to your home they did it for my DS for a while you have to be home as not allowed to leave them in doors alone with yr DS but as long as your in the house they stay in the living or dinning room with them so having a sibling wont be so bad

FreudianSlippery · 07/02/2011 17:21

I'd take him out and homeschool until another place came up elsewhere :)

Original poster

torie1980 · 07/02/2011 18:09

picked him up after him only been there for a few hours and according to the teacher had a terrible few hours i asked her what the prob was and her reply same as usual i asked what that was and she said he talks to much and that was it cheers for all your suggestions i am back at camhs this week with him and we are seeing a child pedeatric doctor dont ask me what that is for as i just answered a message on my phone. He is also under ryegate as they are saying his behaviour is not learnt behaviour but there is a problem when is all this going to end cause i have had enough

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MummyGil · 07/02/2011 18:20

Just a thought, but does the start of the problem coincide with the birth of his brother? It may be that leaving you is the issue rather than what is actually happening at school.

Other than that, you seem to be getting nowhere with the school - I'd move him.

Original poster

torie1980 · 07/02/2011 18:23

no i did think of that but they get on so well and it started before i was pregnant so its got to be something else i am hoping the move to the new school happens sooner rather than later

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