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Original poster

8 year old refusing to go to school

86 replies

torie1980 · 07/02/2011 15:28

Hello, i have a 8 year old that started junior school in september, my problem is that he hates school and now is refusing to go to school i have managed to get him there for a few hours a day but feel like i am failing him, he wont tell me what is up with him and it is heartbreaking to watch him go through this i am at my wits end with him x

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seeker · 07/02/2011 18:24

Have you had a meeting with the Head? That's the next sdtep if you're not getting anywhere with the class teacher.

Original poster
torie1980 · 07/02/2011 18:31

Yep as the actng head at the moment also happens to be his teacher i have also spoke to the learning mentor and the senco worker and the educational psychologist so there is no one else in the school that will listen that there is a problem

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seeker · 07/02/2011 18:34

So do they say that it's OK that he';s not going to school?

tigercametotea · 07/02/2011 18:35

Are they saying to you that you must make him go to school regardless?

Original poster
torie1980 · 07/02/2011 18:37

yes he must stay at school regardless and cant take him out x

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ommmward · 07/02/2011 18:43

You totally can take him out if you want. You just write a letter to deregister him. (this assumes that HE is practical)

Honestly, even if it is just for the rest of the academic year while he gets back on his feet, what do you have to lose?

seeker · 07/02/2011 18:46

I've lost track. Who's saying that you can't take him out?

Are they saying that there's no problem with him refusing to go to school?

Do they have any sort of plan in place to mamage his hbehaviour?

LynetteScavo · 07/02/2011 18:47

torie1980, I was exactly where you are now a few years ago.

Eventually I found a new school for my DS. (I unofficially tried home ed, but with a nearly two year old at home found it very difficult. DS is a sit down and read and write type oflearner and having a toddler climbing all over us wasn't easy.)

I chose a a small school, which although was only rated "satisfactory" was able to support my DS.(read look after and not shout at him)

I did give him the choice of home ed, but he did choose to go to a new school (I was very surprised as we could not physically get him into his old school), but I think it was important for him to feel like he was making a decision about his future.

When they say his behaviour in not learned, what do they mean? Are they suggesting he has some sort of SEN?

tigercametotea · 07/02/2011 18:48

I really sympathise with you as it sounds like a scenario that I've been a few times before. Is HE not an option for you at all? It doesn't always have to be long-term. If you still want him to go to school, you can just opt to HE him temporarily. Just for the time being until you change to a new, more supportive school for your son. Sometimes some children just need a school that's a good fit for them, and in your case it sounds like your school is quite useless and unresponsive to your pleas for assistance, so not a very good one for your son. Probably best to take him out. I understand that sometimes CAMHS takes a long time to do something about things like this. May not always be worthwhile waiting for them to do something concrete for your son. Who knows how long that might take? Though see what the paed says at your next appointment. HE-ing doesn't have to be a complete replica of school. If you are concerned about him not catching up with the national curriculum, one hour of one-to-one teaching a week per subject is all you need to give him to cover everything the school would have taught him about that same subject in a week of school.

Original poster
torie1980 · 07/02/2011 18:51

school saying i cant take him out or they will contact the local educational authority thats why i have got parent partnership involved they have no plan in place for his behaviour and about him refusing to go to school that he will grow out of it if they saw him at home they would understand they dont see all the tears and tantrums

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LynetteScavo · 07/02/2011 18:51

I agree with tigercametotea.Could you take him out of school until next September?

LynetteScavo · 07/02/2011 18:53

If you officially de-register him, you can take him out of school and home educate. Smile

You just need to write a letter to the school explaining you are doing this.

tigercametotea · 07/02/2011 18:54

What is the reason the school gives for not allowing you to deregister your child? That's quite unusual. I'm not sure if schools have the right to tell people whether they can or cannot deregister, unless perhaps SS are involved?

LynetteScavo · 07/02/2011 18:56

www.education-otherwise.org/legal.htm

tigercametotea · 07/02/2011 18:58

Is his school attendance already quite bad? Are the EWOs involved already? Sorry, don't mean to pry, just trying to help.

Original poster
torie1980 · 07/02/2011 18:59

ss are not involved they are saying that because i am in the process of moving him at the moment i should leave him where he is cause as they claim he is a disruptive child the change may effect him more than usual parent partnership are coming up tomorrow so hopefully they will have lots of information

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Original poster
torie1980 · 07/02/2011 19:00

his attendance is good 97% that is up untill the past few weeks where he has refused to go

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tigercametotea · 07/02/2011 19:01

It sounds okay then. So you wish to hear what Parent Partnership has to say before you decide what to do? That's fine. As long as you know your rights, i.e. that legally you can dereg your child to HE if that's what you wish to do. I hope you get a satisfactory solution in the end :)

RMCW · 07/02/2011 19:02

Hello.

Firstly, having your 2 year old absolutely will not stop you home educating!

I home schooled my ds1 (7) for most of last year and have a 2 year old ds2!

My ds1 also never really liked school but it was rated "outstanding" by OFSTED and, like an idiot, I actually thought that mattered Sad

I eventually took him out of school in January last year after he started showing signs of clinical depression in the xmas hols.

We loved HE!

He went back into a small local village primary in November last year and is loving it Smile It is much smaller, much more child led and its suits him.

I really wish you well with your school move - we were lucky it only took 2 weeks - but HE is the way to go til you get him a place.

x

tigercametotea · 07/02/2011 19:03

In case you wish to dereg your son from school though, this link has the info on how to do this, plus a letter template to help you draft your dereg letter.

www.education-otherwise.org/deregistration.htm

Original poster
torie1980 · 07/02/2011 19:03

i think what is also stopping me taking him out is that i have no support network around me so really its just me and my 2 children

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RMCW · 07/02/2011 19:04

You have every legal right to deregister your child from school.

If the school tell you otherwise then they are behaving in a dispicable manner.

Please contact your LEA and ask to speak to the Elective Home Education Advisor....mine was very helpful.

RMCW · 07/02/2011 19:04

There is a letter you can download from the Education Otherwise website...thats what I used!!!

RMCW · 07/02/2011 19:05

There are so many groups/meeting for He parents and children. You would not be alone. And it would probably only be temporary.

And to be blunt, its not exactly working out for you now, is it?

RMCW · 07/02/2011 19:06

oh, and post on the HE boards on here....they people on there are great and so helpful and will understand x

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