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Original poster

8 year old refusing to go to school

86 replies

torie1980 · 07/02/2011 15:28

Hello, i have a 8 year old that started junior school in september, my problem is that he hates school and now is refusing to go to school i have managed to get him there for a few hours a day but feel like i am failing him, he wont tell me what is up with him and it is heartbreaking to watch him go through this i am at my wits end with him x

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tigercametotea · 07/02/2011 19:06

It might be good for you to meet up with some other HE families in your area then. You don't need to be already HE-ing to do that. Do you know if there are any HE groups/activities around your area? Whereabouts do you live? If you post your request on the HE board, you will get help with that.

Original poster
torie1980 · 07/02/2011 19:08

i have just down loaded the letter now

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tigercametotea · 07/02/2011 19:09

You may find that after meeting other HE families in your area, you will feel more reassured about HE-ing. Or you may not. I appreciate everyone's circumstances are different, but I know of HE-ing single parent families which have turned out well, so just because you are alone doesn't really mean you won't succeed or enjoy this. It might be good for you to really explore that option before deciding that it won't work out for you in your situation. Post a message on the HE boards about your situation, and about your HE dilemma, I'm sure you will get some help regarding this.

Original poster
torie1980 · 07/02/2011 19:10

going to have a look on HE now so will have all the answers

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RMCW · 07/02/2011 19:14

I wish you all the best x

Original poster
torie1980 · 07/02/2011 19:14

Thank you x

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bettyboop63 · 07/02/2011 19:15

they are very dissmisive arnt they they drive me nuts ive only found out now as im so niave that the school have to pay for the provision if a childs statemented unless its over 20 hrs help needed then the LEA pay its no wonder i had years not knowing my right to ask myself for a statement (you write and ask them to do a statement yourself)or that parent partnership even exist Sad they can go into school with you and can help talk to them if you feel you are being ignored just google them for yr area they have been fantastic for me plus they can help with forms meetings ect HTH

homeboys · 07/02/2011 19:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
torie1980 · 07/02/2011 20:44

Thank you for all your support i have sat down and done a plan of action to try and get things changed as i cant go on like this,

  1. get all the info possible of parent partnership tomorrow
  2. Go to doctors as if i am not happy the kids are not happy and i need help and support with this situation
  3. Phone primary admissions up to see where about we are with his transfer form for a new school
  4. Speak to school and demand they take more action
5.AND MOST IMPORTANT get my little sweet heart to school tomorrow
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seeker · 07/02/2011 21:37

And think what's best for you as well. You sound very anxious yourself - if you think that taking him out of school and HEing will add to your stress levels rather than reducing them, think very carefully about it. You say it's just you and your children and no support network - you have to look after yourself or you won;t be able to look after them.

Original poster
torie1980 · 07/02/2011 21:46

Thats why i am of to the doctors to see if i can get any support as if i am not well i can't look after my kids properly, i feel like i am a 30 year old stuck in a 70 year olds body as i am constantly ill from all the stress this is causing

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austenreader · 07/02/2011 22:34

Your plan of action is good. Talking it through with the doctor should help because this will be taking its toll on your health as you say.

But you might want to shorten your plan and cut number 5. 9 years ago I refused point blank to force my then 9 year old to go to a school where she was miserably unhappy. She was visibly relieved that I was backing her up and she at last talked about what was wrong. Then I was able to organise a change of school.

I really feel for you in your situation. I hope it works out well.

Original poster
torie1980 · 08/02/2011 10:52

My DS has gone to school and i had a good talk with the learning mentor who is going to do some one to one work with him to see if she can find the root of the problem, it killed me sending him today but i dont want him at home today as parent partner ship are coming to try and help me out hopefully they can put a rush on his moving schools as that would be for the best

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RMCW · 08/02/2011 10:57

Well done torie hope todays meeting goes well.

It only took 2 weeks to move my ds.

Original poster
torie1980 · 08/02/2011 11:03

I hope it does as well as need all the advice going and parent partnership told me they had a direct link with primary school admissions i am hoping for a move next week so he can go for a week and have a week of with the holidays

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Original poster
torie1980 · 08/02/2011 12:44

Parent partner ship been up and gave me a lot of brilliant advice about all the problems

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SDeuchars · 08/02/2011 14:20

That's great, torie. If you still can't sort it, home ed can be a good temporary solution to take the heat off, let your DS de-stress and sort out what is important to you. If you post on the Home Ed board about where you live (e.g. county), we can point you in the direction of local groups.

Original poster
torie1980 · 08/02/2011 14:25

Thank you for that am going to see how long it takes for him to move schools

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arti64 · 08/02/2011 20:15

The only experience I had of a child refusing school turned out to be about home rather than school. Her parents were in the process of splitting up and somehow she had got it into her head that while she physically stayed at home she could somehow prevent it happening! Is there anything happening at home that could be affecting him?

Original poster
torie1980 · 08/02/2011 20:23

i have looked into it and spoke to people who are close to me about do you think it is is home life that is making my DS not wanting to go to school and there is nothing we have a very quiet life and i have been with my DP two years and my DP and DS get on so well i keep thinking is it something i have done, we are back at camhs tomorrow so my DS can have a play there and hopefully open up to his camhs worker

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LynetteScavo · 08/02/2011 21:31

arti64, it is often the assumption that when children school refuse there is a problem at home.

It makes me quite cross and, in my experience, is certainly not always the case.

arti64 · 09/02/2011 10:40

Sorry - I wasn't making assumptions or saying that it was always the case, just recounting my experience in case it helps - can see how it might be annoying to have people keep asking about home though torie!

LynetteScavo · 09/02/2011 22:18

It's a bit of a touchy point with me!

RMCW · 10/02/2011 09:30

torie

wrt to the new school...if your ds has been very badly affected by his experiences (which i assume he has) then it might be worth asking for a "phased introduction" i.e. just mornings for the 1st week???

The HT at my sons new school was great (I know it was a different situation) but he did a "phased return" which helped us both.

Also, if you are definately moving him, I would suggest taking him out of school til after the half term hols are over.....new term, new school...new beginning???

x

Original poster
torie1980 · 10/02/2011 11:59

Thank you for your comments it means a lot knowing that there is someone to talk to. He is at his old school at the moment but on a part time scedule which seems to be working ok for him at the moment but it is not a long term fix i am callin primary admissions up to see how long it is going too take him to move it seems to be taking for ever and we cant go on like this cause i am trying not to fall apart the pediatrician told me that my DS is depressed yesterday its heartbreaking to watch

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