Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

DS (4) being sent home for pooing or being called in the change him - normal?

91 replies

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 02/02/2011 14:07

DS just keeps pooing himself. Tried GP, rewards the lot but he keeps doing it. He started reception in Sept & I told them about this, but often he comes home caked own his legs etc) and red raw (then tells me he did it after lunch ie hours ago) , or they half heartidly change him and he has clean trousers but huge dried on amounts down his legs, or they call and ask me to take him home & then he isn't allowed back for 48 hours (no bug, he always has loose poo). DH has just been called to change him which is fine because he is off work, but he's back soon. He is starting to miss somuch school - what can I do? :(

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 02/02/2011 14:10

At least 20 days I have picked him up and he's pooed & been left, a few days I have been called to collect he has been sat in the reception waiting in all the mess :(

OP posts:

meltedmarsbars · 02/02/2011 14:14

Poor kid, its not pleasant for him or his class.

Does he not feel it coming? Is is bypass from constipation? Is it attention-seeking? Is he too timid to ask to go to the toilet? Does he do it at home? Too many questions, but it could be one or many reasons.

Sounds like you need to get to the bottom of why its happening. I had a dc who did "dirty protests" and once I discussed it with school they were very good at sorting him out and not sending him home (which is what he wanted).

falsemessageoflethargy · 02/02/2011 14:15

Can you address the looseness first? My son was the same - not as bad as that but still bad - he just couldnt wait at that age and at home of course could just charge off to the loo and it was right there and not down the corridor - is there anything you can do dietwise to bulk it up a bit?

My son had a clean set of clothes and wipes with him and would clean up best he could.

Do you work? If not can you ask them to call you immediately so that you can go in, change him and then he can carry on?

The other solution I suppose is those pyjama pants but I imagine that would be deadly with the other children - but they wouldnt know on non-PE days.

You have my sympathy - its hard to cope with.

compo · 02/02/2011 14:17

your poor ds
have you taken him to the gp?

mumof2littlegirls · 02/02/2011 14:18

I think that this is disgusting. I am on our schools Foundation committee we have policies covering this kind of thing. Whilst it is obviously not desirable to have a reception child pooing - school has a responsibility to deal with the situation, and to work towards helping the child towards a better situation. As far as I am aware - a school cannot exclude a child (which they are doing by sending your DS home), simply because they don't poo in the loo.

As for not cleaning him up - that is totally unacceptable. Unhigenic for your DS AND for rest of children. Last year my DD was in Reception, and came home having not wiped herself properly - I was really unhappy, and teacher said she would check if DD went to loo - which she then did.

I would talk to the teacher and ask to see your schools toilet and nappy change policy - If they had a child with a special need they would have to deal with it........

falsemessageoflethargy · 02/02/2011 14:21

mum - my school wont clean up either - its very common and why they say that they wont take them in preschool if they arent potty trained.

Original poster

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 02/02/2011 14:27

we tried gp, going back again though as DS hasnt had a full week at school in ages. He does it at home, he doesn't seem to realise, occasionally we get lucky and time a visit to the loo right, but it's rare. I stay at home with a 2 y o & 6 m o, I don't mind changing him of course but I'd have to take te other DSs in & sometimes I am up to an hour away & I know they would leave him to sit in it. He is getting so embarrassed & afraid of being sent home now.

DH is just back & says again he was sitting in reception, with bag, coat on, poo in his pants & he told DH the teacher said he had to go home :(

OP posts:

compo · 02/02/2011 14:29

Is there someone at the school you could talk to about it other than the teacher. A welfare officer, or SEN coordinator or someone?

MmeLindt · 02/02/2011 14:29

That is completely unacceptable.

I would be making an appointment to speak to the teacher, and perhaps the Head Teacher too.

The school has a duty of care - and that includes helping a 4yo to clean up if he soils himself.

I would go ballistic at this.

compo · 02/02/2011 14:29

I feel so sad for your ds. Is this the nearest school to you?

starfishmummy · 02/02/2011 14:30

I would advocate trying to work with the school here - maybe they don't clean him up because they don't have appropriate "supplies", so perhaps you can offer to send in wipes, the thin disposable gloves (box of 100 from the pharmacy), bags for soiled clothes, spare clothing etc.

MmeLindt · 02/02/2011 14:31

Is it a school or pre-school?

If he does it at home then surely the school must see that it is a medical problem?

JuicyLips · 02/02/2011 14:33

my son is like this too, we have made a(signed) agreement along with school nurse that a particular male teacher will clean him up and change him if he does have an accident and to sit him on the toilet for 4 mins every hour to get him used to being on it, getting to the stage where he feels comfortable enough to poo on there. which is what I am doing at home so hoping this will work for him. Its awful for them to have to be in poo all day. and have had to go clean up ds at school, which I think is not good either as it means he's being disturbed from the school routine and confused him. have high hopes for this so far.

CatHerder · 02/02/2011 14:35

They aren't allowed to not take them if they aren't potty trained any more - its discrimination.

And leaving him in the poo until you come to clean him up counts as abuse.

Phone the LEA and ask them what their policy guidance is for children with delayed continence.

Here is the Herts one; it is for Early Years Settings but your child is under 5 and in Foundation so I think that is Early Years

Then ask the school for their policy. If they don't have one, complain to the governors.

What they are doing is really really not acceptable.

traceybath · 02/02/2011 14:36

Oh thats awful.

There was a thread on here last year about a little girl who had a similar problem and it was because she had chronic constipation and the muscles had stopped working and she got leakage.

Anyway she saw a specialist and had to take lots of laxatives and it all get a lot better - will try and find thread as it was really inspiring and useful to you I think.

Original poster

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 02/02/2011 14:37

I sent in wipes. It is primary school. DH changed him at school and there was wipes/nappies in there. Sometimes the wipe him with those blue hand towels & stuff some down the back of trousers and when I pick him up they are hanging out and therefore smearing poo up his coat & jumper. Nosuprise the school clsed for a week last month for an infectious deep clean. It's a local RC school, he went to nursery at the other RC school & they were excellent, the teacher even mentioned the DDA before I did when I was concerned. He unfortunatly didn't get a place there

OP posts:

Buda · 02/02/2011 14:42

Def take him to the GP. He could well be badly constipated as traceybath said. It's called faecal impaction and basically what happens is that there is a blockage and some poos escapes around it. If this is the case he can't help it and it needs treating.

A friend had similar issues with her then 8 year old. Had no idea. Just assumed he was being lazy.

TheSydenhamSet · 02/02/2011 14:42

I feel so sad for your ds seems so mean to leave him in that mess. agree with others who suggest you make an appt to talk to teacher/head and sort out a procedure for cleanup and also working out how the school can help him overcome this. poor kid.

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 02/02/2011 14:42

Your poor DS, that is disgraceful!

I hope something is sorted with the school. Otherwise, if it were my ds I would seriously consider looking at other schools!

basildonbond · 02/02/2011 14:43

sounds like chronic constipation to me - ds2 suffered from this for years but is fine now - took a long time and lots of medication though

go back to your GP and demand a referral to your local paediatric continence clinic

it is such a distressing problem and it won't go away by itself - and there's nothing kids can do about it by themselves - they're certainly not pooing themselves deliberately

traceybath · 02/02/2011 14:43

Read this thread - it may be useful.

DirtyMartini · 02/02/2011 14:46

Poor little love :(

How horrible of them to be so unfeeling to a wee 4 year old.

madwomanintheattic · 02/02/2011 14:48

they need to set up a care plan as to how the incidents will be dealt with, but probably for this to happen you will have to have a good history of gp appointments/ investigations and suggestions to cause.

has he had any investigations? encopresis is a common cause, and the gp may prescribe lactulose or similar. it can take up to six months for the issue to resolve and the bowel to retrain, but it can be quicker.

either way, you do need to go back to the gp, and you do need to contact the school and the school nurse, and ask that a care plan be drawen up as you will no longer be collecting ds. you need to ask the gp to contact the school nurse and request this as well.

normally they will nominate a specific member of staff (or two in case of absences) to be responsible for clean up etc.

ds1 is 9. he still soils at school, but thankfully not every day.

ImFab · 02/02/2011 14:49

I think I would cry if this was my child.

It can not be right in 2011 that a small child can be made to see in dirty pants and then sent home as if they have done something wrong..

systemsaddict · 02/02/2011 14:49

ASLD have you been recommended this book before? We didn't get on top of our 4 y o son's soiling at school until reading this, it was fab. I read it and talked the GP into prescribing Lactulose - rather reluctantly though - GP wanted to just try 'lots more fibre and rewards' which we had already been doing and it got us precisely nowhere. Looking back now I would have just bought the Lactulose to be honest - did your GP prescribe anything? The most likely thing is poo witholding causing soiling, hence treating the loose poos with laxatives (though it seems a bit counter-intuitive, the loose poo can be coming round the edges of a hard stool backed up inside).

We started with 2 tsp Lactulose a day, and lots of sitting on the potty at home following the book's instructions, now down to 1 tsp a day which he will be on for the foreseeable future. We saw a paediatrician recently for something else with him and I discussed it briefly with her, she recommended staying on it for a very long time so I am not going back to GP.

Poor little mite, it is such a horrible thing to go through and the school are not much help are they?

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread