Calling Scottish mums - should my 4.5 year old start P1 in August?

[septembersong]

DS1 was 4 on 11 Dec, and is due to start school in August. But I feel reluctant to send him as he will be one of the youngest. He goes to nursery 3 days a week while I'm working, and they say he is ready to go, no issues on the development front. It is just me, for some reason I would prefer to send him older than younger. But maybe holding him back wouldn't be the right thing for him? Interested in the thoughts of other mums with experience of this dilemma, especially those in Scotland, as I think the norm is to start at 4 down south, which is different to here.

I've said on a couple other threads, but my DH and I have thought before that perhaps he and his exW should have deferred my SD, who has a February birthday. P1 was a pretty miserable year for her.

Academically, she is still behind in P2 - enough that all four of DSD's parents spoke to her teacher for about an hour after school one day, to get a better idea of what was going on. A lot of DSD's struggle with reading, spelling and math is being chalked up to her being one of the youngest in the grade. I suspect on and off that DSD might be dyslexic too, which would explain a lot, but I might just be getting the "WebMD effect" from dyslexia websites, so I don't really know if her age is the only thing to do with her reading/math, if there is a bigger SEN issue at work, or if it's all just a bit like learning to use the toilet.

However, DSD is making progress in P2 and is much, much more enthusiastic about learning this year, compared to last year. She is also much more independent and happy about that. Her teacher this year is more on the ball and much better about communicating DSD's progress with us. The school has really embraced Curriculum for Excellence too, which gives both DSD and her teachers a little more time to achieve certain standards.

Socially and physically, DSD is right where she's meant to be. Despite being one of the youngest, she's one of the tallest and one of the most athletic. She's very popular with both the girls and boys. Her school's deputy head has told us that there are occasionally behavior problems with kids who are deferred - they are sometimes too mature for the class, so if you think of it that way, DH and his ex did the right thing putting her in when they did.

If you are worried about your kid keeping up either way, maybe the local school could provide some guidance? If most of the parents are deferring their winter birthdays, maybe that is something to consider. But if your DC will be in a P1 class with several other kids at roughly the same age, it might not be such a big deal.

Also meant to mention, DH and his exW finished splitting up during DSD's P1, which also involved new partners moving in and everyone moving house. This may also have distracted DSD a bit, which is why I haven't beaten down the door of the nearest Ed psych yet.

I agree with PJG. At our local school just about everyone with a child with a Jan or Feb birthday defers their entry to school. Other schools are quite different. DS1 has a November birthday and I did notice when he started school that he was a lot more immature than other kids in his year, probably because some were almost a whole year older than him. If he'd been a Feb birthday I think this would have been even more noticeable. In other schools though there would have been kids younger than him in the school year so it wouldn't have been such a problem.

DS just turned five in feb. he started p1 last August and is the youngest in his class. Nursery were brilliant and said they had no issues with him going to school. A girl in his nursery exactly the same age, stayed back a year. Both her mum and I reached the same conclusion. Her dds friends all stayed in nursery, so did she. All of DSs friends were going to p1. So did he. Although, had nursery said he wasn't ready I would have deferered. He was emotionally ready, was growing bored with nursery and would have gone a bit mad if he was at home for half the day. As it is, he reads pretty well, can tell the time brilliantly and his social skills are fab. It has to be down to the child, if they are ready, they won't be at a disadvantage.

Although dd is a June bday and will spend tw years at nursery from age 3-5. So glad I don't need to make this decision again....

February sounds too young, but as it has turned out to be fine in your (TheCunningStunt) case, it just proves that it is really down to the individual kid! They are all different...
However, in most cases, and many would agree, boys are not ready and are better starting school when they are older. I have contacted / read numerous different articles / researches and talked psychologists and other competent people regarding that matter and they all agree that for the child is better to start school when older.
So, from that perspective I have no doubt that I don't want to put my son early - this year to school (and I really do belive that he is not ready!) but I do need help or advise from any of you how to convince Council that is the case!

Thanks for all your comments and feedback so far

I deferred dd who is now 12. I think it was the best decision for her and still feel we did the best by her. Her nursery teacher backed me 100% but I recently discovered that she rarely agreed with deferal but my background as a nursery nurse made her decide that I knew what was best. DD is very bright, in fact her current teachers have said her writing is more adult like and she would easily pass Standard Grade english no problem if she was to sit it now. But emotionally she was still very young and socially she struggled as the girls at nursery were all 5 early on and you noticed the difference between them. Now she flits happily between the 2 years friendship wise and is an easy going girl at school and home.

You know your child and you are best doing what is right for your child.

To be fair,if his teacher said he would benefit from repeating p1 I would agree to it I think. I certainly would not push him. I think you are right about boys being a little slower. DS has two friends both older. The oldest one is a bit below DS in reading, and the other one seems miles ahead. DS is in the middle somewhere. However he reads better at home than in school, so I think school sort of lump him with the wrong reading group. But he is happy and we continue to read at home.

And my last post is pretty irrelevant to the thread sorry

I'm surprised at people finding it so hard to get deferral approval. Bloody councils, all about ticking those boxes!

Thankfully my council has been great. Just yesterday I received a letter saying I could defer my 4.4 year old and that he could have an extra year of funded nursery. I was very surprised as my form was 90% blank as it was asking for nursery reports and evidence for need of deferral and we didn't have any of that. There was a one line space for parents comments and I wrote something like, 'DS3 is emotionally immature and would hugely benefit from deferred entry to P1.' Then signed the form. That was seriously all it took.[insert lucky as fuck emoticon here]

The bloody councillor for education has been behind our LEA's try not to defer. She wrote an article about why deferal was bad! I went mad as she has no educational background so she has no idea. It used to be that Jan/Feb birthday's were just granted it. While Aug-Dec had to go to a panel and you had to have a good battle for it.

As a nursery nurse we have been told behind the hands to try and not defer which concerns me about the number of children who won't be deferred and be returned to nursery during P1 which has happened before.

Maybe it depends where you leave as well (probably each Council is different), anyhow, it seems that we won't get money for next year. But still, our son will not go to school, as this is really what we have decided.

OvO, when is your child born (which month), presume you are in Scotland?

Thanks

Maja, my DS has a November birthday. We're in Scotland, just outside Edinburgh. I also deferred my DS1 (November birthday too) and had no problems there.

I suggest you all move here!

A friend whose son's birthday is in February let him start last August aged 4.5 even though he was/is tiny and she wasn't sure he was ready. She was swayed by the nursery insisting he was ready.

She was devastated at the first parents' evening to be told that he was unable to concentrate, was struggling both educationally and socially and basically wasn't developmentally ready for school.

I suspect the nursery just wanted rid of him as he is a bundle of energy who probably took up a lot of resource!

Unfortunately, I am not sure that the Scottish is that flexible about deferring once you have started.

OvO, yes, that is absolutely unbelievable (from Aberdeenshire! point of view) that your boys got deferral for being born in November, that is here impossible unless child needs special/additional support or similar. So yes, moving down south sounds as as better plan:)

prettybird, I am really amazed that your friend whose son is born in February was even thinking of putting him in Primary1 so early, who cares what nursery says!!! I do hope that he will manage to catch up with the others...

Thank you all for answers, this certainly assures me that I am doing right, with or without funding, no school for my boy this year:))

Some feb starters do ok

Of course, some February starters do OK. Before the universal provision of nursery education, very few children were deferred. In fact, it was more common for parents of March born children to apply for early admission to P1. In a sense, nursery education has been a victim of its own success. Many parents are so happy with nursery school that they want their children to attend for an extra year. Originally, in my LA, children born from mid-August onward were allowed an extra funded year of nursery education, but, as so many were choosing this option, it incurred a cost that had never been budgeted for; so this was then restricted to January and February born children. There is still the option to defer for mid-August to December born children, but this will not come with a funded nursery place.

Maya9 - like you, I'd have been assertive and just said no. She was swayed by the nursery saying he was ready even though she wasn't sure. Plus she thought his older brother (P4) would be able to keep an eye on him. It must also have Ben difficult for her juggling nursery and primary school and when the. If the nursery says your child will cope and it makes life more convenient for you, then maybe you ignore your instincts :(

Both my DD's are grown up now, but the eldest is a march birthday, therefore was 5.6 when she started school. At the time I was annoyed that her friends were going to school and she was 'left behind'. ( she was tall for her age,clever and socially able) but it was the best thing that ever happened! So much so that six years later with 2nd DD (Feb birthday ) I chose most definately not to send her. ( I hate the phrase 'hold them back) it infers that in some way they are not capable of coping with school) I feel that being that little bit older comes into its own at high school when sitting exams and gives them that bit more maturity if they go on to uni 18.6 not 17.6. I know it may seem a lifetime away to all you' young things ' but its amazing how the time flys. I honestly feel that choosing not to send a child at 4.6 ( no matter how ready they may be) pays dividends in the years to come.

I feel quite alone in my decision now

Actually to flip it a little, one of my friends at school, a feb birthday, was remarkably clever, well ahead of any of us older peers. I guess it's individual. I don't feel bad for sending DS at all. We all do what is right for our kids, and knowing no different, with hindsight, we probably make the right choices. I'll come back in 10 years and let you all know

Cunning, I'm with you. DD Jan birthday,not deffered. In P2 now, doing great.

I think a lot of defferals now are not about readiness for school, but making the child one of the oldest in the peer group. Understandable, but there's always going to be a cut off point.

Ah that's good to know labradorlover!

If I had deferred ds (September birthday, so an option even if unlikely) it would have been because I didn't think he was ready for school, either developmentally or socially, not cos I wanted him to be one of the oldest.

As it was, he didn't "get" reading until nearly the end of P2, despite lots of extra support. The school said that some Kia, especially boys, are just not developmentally read to read until they're 6 (he was closer to 6.75).

I'm not aware of any of the kids who deferred at ds' school being deferred so they could the oldest. Interestingly, one of ds' friends (deferred, December birthday) is very close friends with one of the youngest in the class (February). Whereas ds, who is a "young" (socially) September kid actually has lots of friends in P6 (he's in P7 now).

Well then I'd say you did the right thing to defer him. My DS does get reading. He is actually really good at maths(which is odd as we are a reader family more than a maths one). He can tell the time etc with ease. I guess they go at their own pace. I am just glad they don't have the pressure that people seem to have in England. Ie choosing schools etc( ours just go to the local one and that seemed that)

Somebody posted a thread in here about how someone's 4 year old reception child died suddenly just the other day and for all of those worried about readin etc, just to hug your child. I did exactly that. Deferred/not deferred. It doesn't matter in the grande scheme..

That's awful cunning .

I think it does depend on the individual child. I posted a lot earlier on the thread and made the decision to defer DS as I didn't think emotionally he was ready for school. I think it was right for him. My friend's child is a couple of months younger than DS, but she would have been fine at school aged about 3 I think .