Calling Scottish mums - should my 4.5 year old start P1 in August?

[septembersong]

DS1 was 4 on 11 Dec, and is due to start school in August. But I feel reluctant to send him as he will be one of the youngest. He goes to nursery 3 days a week while I'm working, and they say he is ready to go, no issues on the development front. It is just me, for some reason I would prefer to send him older than younger. But maybe holding him back wouldn't be the right thing for him? Interested in the thoughts of other mums with experience of this dilemma, especially those in Scotland, as I think the norm is to start at 4 down south, which is different to here.

All I can say is that my DS's peers in England are being taught to read and write. We were staying with my parents recently and I was very very conscious of the difference. So was DS.

There is only one school here, so maybe it is automatic. But I'll ask - thanks.

And before anyone says, I know I can do stuff myself and I do. But a friend told me her son was very disadvantaged by being able to read when he started P1 because they insisted on him re-learning using their methods and he was bored out of his brains for most of the first year. I also don't want him to get confused.

We deferred DD1, who was 6 years, 2 months when she went in, but she has learning disabilities and we got special funding from teh council for her to spend an extra year at a private nursery with a ASN unit.

She would have been 5, anyhow, as she's a June baby.

But DD2 who was born 10 December went in this year and is doing fine.

YY what Aitch says.

DD1's educational psychologist had to make a case for her to the council to get the extra year.

But she already had recognised delays and now, age 7, has diagnosis of dyspraxia, dyslexia and dysgraphia.

Despite much assistance, her handwriting is still quite poor and her hand tires easily.

Thankfully, there are now quite a few technological advances to assist her.

My SIL was swithering about deferring her DS (Dec birthday) - nursery said he was ready, LA were obstructive. He really struggled though - was just not ready to learn that way. Luckily school were very sensible about it and he is resitting P1 now, very successfully and much happier.

I think your gut feelings may the most reliable in this scenario. Can you imagine him starting in August? Does he choose to play with older or younger children?

your gut feeling is of no use with a december baby in some councils. where is the child going to school? without knowing that, this whole thread is moot.

gaelic - there may be a difference with your DC and his English peers, but I hope it doesn't concern you. These sort of differences iron themselves out pretty quickly in the later years, they really do. Lots of people are desperate for their kids to be as far on as they can be in the early years, and feel proud (smug even) when their children are in top sets and so on, but this isn't necessarily an indicator of how well they will do in the long run. Some kids are more of a slow burn, and lots of kids do well at first then plateau for a bit, when others catch up.

I see this happening a lot in my line of work - music tutor.

I agree there's no long-term advantage to teaching your DS to read before he starts school. Some kids will learn to anyway, but like you say, they may get bored in P1.

I am trying to be sensible and not concerned. But my mum keeps reminding me how I was reading the newspaper at three, started school (in England) a year early, and generally making me feel (unintentionally I'm sure) that DS is backward. Yet I know that all that pushing did not benefit me in the long run. I got good A levels and a good degree yes, but so did many others. I hope I will not push DS the way I was pushed (in music as well).

My DS has a February 20th b-day and started school last August with me in tears wondering if he would settle in ok. Nursery said he would and he has. I knew he wouldn't have problems with the work i.e reading and maths but it was things like would he be able to know where to go to get his lunch, get to the toilet, wipe his bum , know not to run out of school compound, that sort of thing was worrying me. I remember sitting in the deputy head's office in tears wondering if I should defer or not. And I'm glad I didn't. He seems to have fitted in really well. Absolutely loves school and missed school so much in the christmas holidays. He has come on so much having the structure and discipline of being in a classroom.
I think it really depends on the individual child. My ds is quite confident and talks a lot and is used to interacting with people older than him. He is also quite tall for his age. Both of these i think helped him fit in plus the school staggered the intake so he was one of the first ones to start school with a small group and made some really good friends from day 1.
Worth speaking to the nursery and the school. The head or deputy should be able to answer any worries you have. I certainly found my talk with deputy head helped me.

Thanks so much all for these responses, really interesting. Clearly there is no right or wrong, I'm sure whatever I decide he will be fine. But it's funny - when I went into this quandry, I thought it was a 50/50 type dilemma, fairly evenly poised. But I have now sought the opinion of the nursery, the local council (Glasgow) and the local school, and they all look at me like 'what's your issue, mrs?". Their line is that, if there are no development problems (and there are not), then why would I NOT send him this August? But to me its far less clear cut - yes, his development is normal, but still 4 years 8 months is a young child by any measure, and like many boys his concentration span is limited and he shows no little/no interest in holding pencils, crayons, etc. I'm surprised that they don't seem to see my dilemma - but then I suppose I am questioning the norms of the system they work within day in, day out.

So ... still swithering! I'm lucky in that I can make this decision without being hindered by financial factors (i.e. no more nursery funding) because I will be on mat leave from May for a year, so will be at home to look after him if he can't go to nursery. But the flip side of that coin is that it would be great to see him through his first year at school without having to juggle the logistics of work as well ... But am trying to take a longer term view, not based on short term financial and logistical factors, if that makes sense.

Bloody hell, decisive I am NOT!

the other thing to take into consideration is that in that final year of nursery, so much of the work prepares them for school.

very interestede in this thread ds has a birthday in late december he also has delayed speech but all other cognitive abilities he is average or above
really want to defer him educational psychologist and school agree.i feel that he will become frustrated and suffer emotionally because of his language problems.i am a sahm so can keep him at home but that is not ideal because he needs to be mixing with other children etc .last year in my area no december birthdays were given deferrals even with medical recommendations.

really stressed it just seems so unfair that in order to save money in the short term they are prepared to force children into school when they are not ready (will cost them more in the long term). no wonder we have educational under achievment among some boys.eespecially when parents who after all no their children best are completely ignored.
to answer your question never met a parent who regrets deferring entry but have met plenty who wish they had deferred entry.

Nothing new to add, but we are in similar situation as DS will be 5 on 13 Dec, so v close in age to yours. We have already decided to defer him, mainly because we felt he wasn't mature enough and his (private and excellent) nursery agreed with this. Academically he would be fine at school, so our concern was how the nursery keep him interested for the extra year in pre-school class - however they have a group of kids with Dec, Jan & Feb birthdays who will be doing extra/more challenging stuff so we think he will be fine.

Not an easy decision, esp financially, but lots of people (mainly teachers!) I have spoken to say the only regret people have is when they choose not to defer, and their child then suffers - either in the early years of school, or when doing exams etc.

Good luck!!

Dd1 has 23 dec birthday, i asked to defer her but we didn't get the grant, my dh had just been made redundant so we didn't feel we could pay to keep her in her pre school.

However - don't worry if the same happens to you. My dd is doing really well at her primary school. There are lots of kids the same age and younger.

I spoke to edinburgh council and they said that only about 10% of pupils defer that can. So there will be a LOT of younger children. Also, see how your primary manages it. My dd's year group is split into two primary classes by age so she is with the younger ones, and it is much better for them that way.

Every single one of the January-February kids in ds1's class has been deferred but we actually dont have any December birthdays. I think parents know their kids best and coming from Canada where you start the year later, I'd be very seriously considering deferring ds1 if he was in that position (he's a June birthday though)

Setembersong - my ds1 was like yours six months ago - no interest at all in holding a pen - and he's starting to write letters etc now. They change very quickly! But I'm not sure if that's an argument for or against deferral.

I didn't defer DS1. He is a late November birthday but was a little prem and so would most likely have been a January birthday. He has always been absolutely fine academically but I think he did struggle to cope with the educational environment when he was in P1. He didn't want to sit down and stay still and his teacher queried at one point whether he was hyperactive. He is now in P2 and I see that he is far more settled. I think with a little maturity he's just calmed down a lot. Although this time last year I may have said I'd wished I'd deferred him I'm glad I didn't now. He is very, very happy and I think he'd have been miserable if he'd been kept back at nursery for another year when all his friends got to go off to school. I don't think there is a right or a wrong answer to the question of whether or not to defer, you know your child best. Good luck

Hello, hopefully someone will see this message. I am now in the same siuation, my DS is born in December and I wan't to deffer him however I am not getting support from the nursery as they think he is ready. I absolutelly believe and stand behind my descision that he is not ready, please advise how to convince them? What did you all do finallly? Many thanks in advance

Hi - I'm from Scotland and my ds2 was 4 on the 20th of December.
I applied to have him deferred for a year and my application has been granted. Yahoo!!

Our nursery totally supported my application though. I applied through them.

He is academically hunky dory, but emotionally immature. It is my unshakeable belief that a further year in nursery will ensure his success at school.
If I sent him this year he would toil socially, and with the routine that school demands.
Give him another year to grow up a little and he'll ace it.

If you don't have the support of the nursery, I think it makes it more difficult.

My DS didn't defer (Late December birth).

I asked the nursery and they said he would be fine.

He's now 15 and doing great, it has never been an issue.

Our older son went to school at 4.5 and I didn't question it - he was more than ready.
Our ds2 however, while being streets ahead of his older brother academically at the same stage, hasn't got the social confidence and communication skills that ds1 did.

Ds2 can count into the hundreds, and is teaching himself to read short words, but still occasionally has tantrums and struggles a little with his speech. There's nothing wrong with him as such, but he's still very much a toddler and not a schoolboy.

Thanks very much for quick reply! KatieScarlett, I understand that sometimes things do work out, and graeat to hear that your son is donig well, however, as this is something that I can't see (or predict!), I am certainly FOR deferral! I just don't want to take any chance...

pictish, same with my son, as you say, academically great, but emotionally like he is 2 years old! My application has already been declined by Council and we are now going to appeal. The problem is that our nursery seems to be "brain washed" and they think that if you don't have "academical" issues, i.e don't require any additional support etc, then child is ready for school.
I totally agree with you, and think that those (academic) things are least important, it is more imortant for child to grow into confident and socially adjustable person. The thing is that it is all, of course, about money. My son will not start school this September, however their rejection means we won't get funding, but again, I belive that we deseve it and I am going to fight for it.
We are having meeting with nursery tonight, I have also contacted health visitor who will write letter to Council supporting us and if that doesn't work at the end...well, we just have to live without that extra financial help.
Thanks again

What a shame the nursery are focusing on his academic abilities rather than his emotional immaturity.

I was the same Maja

I really wanted a deferral as compared to DD who started school the previous year, he was really behind, i.e. couldn't hold a pencil, sit still, etc.

Plus he was (not now) very small as a young child, I really struggled to get trousers to fit and his wee blazer drowned him......

It all turned out fine in the end but I remember being devastated at the time.