Ok local school or perfect school that's a drive away - wwyd?

[moginthedark]

I don't know what to do. DD will start school in September, and we've narrowed the choice of schools down to two and now I can't decide what's the most important.

One is just perfect for DD in every way (I won't bore you with the details, but it really is, and gets an OFSTED outsanding for pastoral care). But it's a 15+ minute drive from us (in a town) in a different village. Almost all of the children there will live in the village.

The other one is within walking distance, and does also have a lovely atmosphere and a reasonable local reputation. But it's by now means so right for her. Except that I do think it's really important to walk to school, for us to be part of the school community, for her to be able to have friends round. Whereas if we go to the village school she could easily end up a bit left out.

Has anyone else faced this choice? If so, how did it work out for you?

(And we can't afford to go and live in the village, houses there are twice as expensive as in the town...)

Intresting point about extroverts and introverts Mog...I am extremely introverted...and have to mke a huge effort with people in general...DD is apparently very popular at school despite being quiet so I have no fears about her ability to fit in a new situation....or that my introverted nature has affected her.

I'm not one for going to cafe's or other Mum's homes for coffees...it holds no interest and so I avoid it tbh. Hasn't affected DDs invitations and other Mums seem to understand that I'm not a social animal...they come to collect their children after a playdate and sit with me and chat over coffee etc...that's it. Fine. So not living next door but one has no bearing on anything.

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Just wrote you a long post and it got wiped out!

In short, I am in a similar situation and my best advice is to do what's right for your child for the person that she is now and not what she may be like in a few years time.

What is that "specific deomgraphic" then Wimple?

Round here the kids play out and round at each others' houses locally from about yr4 or 5. In the same street it's from about yr 3.

By yr 6 they are herding off to the rec together.

It's all just easier if they know each other from school. DS2 has a mate in the street who plays here that goes to another school - but they are pals from football, without that they prob wouldn't know each other at all.

Yhe friendship thing is important - but not ctrucial. I think the crucial thing is the amount of time that ferrying a child who can't get anywhere he or she might want to get on foot is the key point. I spend a ridiculous amount of time int he car, and when my children were too young for either of them to be left home alone, they both spent a lot of time waiting for the other one to finish an activity. And even now, when they are 9 and 14, I have some days that are completely insane. Consider my Thursday.

At 7.30 I drive dd 5 miles to her bus. I come home. At 8.30 I drive ds 5 miles to school. I come home. That's 20 miles and it's not 9.15!

At 4.15 I pick ds up from school (5 miles) then drive 7 miles to pick dd up from Duke of Edinburgh (too late for the school bus). I take her to her friends where she has tea and the friend's mum takes her to Pony Club. I take ds home. 44 miles so far. Then I drive ds to Cubs, then I do the supermarket shop, then collect dd from Pony Club, ds from Cubs then go home. 65 miles altogether.

Is that sensible in sanity, practicality and environmental terms? No, it isn't. Don't do it.

Clary...not everyone lives in an area where there are many other young familes...that is a particular demographic. Another demographic may be people who live in rural aras, people who live in areas where the houses are very spread apart...where I live the houses are mostly owned by older people..there are only a very few young families.

About 2 miles along the main road is a load of newer houses and there are many young families there...these are typical "starter homes" and so the people in them are from the same demographic. Most yong families couldn't afford to buy the house I live in...I certainy cannot...we rent it at far below market value because we know the owner.

So you are talking about a non-rural area with a number of young families. Fair enough.

That must cover an awful lot of the UK's population tho (like, anyone in a town or city away from a heavy bungalow population), which is not what your post implied.

In fact we live in bungalow heaven here, an area of our city notorious for being full of old ladies, and yet we still manage a fair few kids as well.

These houses are far from bungalows..they're large family homes but most are owned by elderly reirees.

But even if I walk into our village, you just dont get kids out playing..they're taken to the park etc. by parents...plus..my DD goes to a private scool nearby..her friends live scattered in a 5 mile radius but we still bump into them at the big park of a weekend or the soft play centre...she knows the girl who lives at the end of our road..in summer I sit in the lawn and watch whilst they ride their bikes together...or the other girls Mum does.

What I am getting at is that there are as many variations of communities as there are communities...some are very tight knit...I grew up in a place like that...where I could call at almost any house if I fell over and needed a plaster...in that case then it would not have made sense to send me to school 4 miles away...but in my community now..it's not like that, it's on the outskirts of a small city...running into rural...people are more spread out.

I would go with whichever school suits your child's needs best.

My dd did pre-school, nursery and reception at our local school (right across the road) and was still unsettled and unhappy in her last term in reception. So we moved her.

She is now in Y6 at a school in a different town around 2/3 miles away (15/20min drive).

I agree that the friendship thing is a PITA as dd doesn't have an awful lot of friends round where we live, but she does have a couple and we drive her to friends houses, so it's really not been a massive issue ...and certainly not one that makes me regret our decision.

When we made up our minds to move her, our first consideration was which secondary school she would go to and the move was made with this in mind.

Dd (and her sister) love their school. I love their school. It's not perfect, but I have no regrets whatsoever, and any negatives are far outweighed by the positives.

Sorry, that should have read " even in her last term ..." as in she never fully settled.

I wish we'd moved her earlier ...

I think local school. It sounds fine, and there are so many benefits at this age, for both your dcs and you of being within walking distance - local friends for them and community for you.

What do you mean by 'But it's by no means so right for her.' though? If you really think she would.be unhappy there, then don't do it, but I also think they are so young at primary that they will fit in, and enjoy it. If there is a problem, later on, you can deal with it/move her

mog I sent my ds to the school which was right for him, the school which meant he was with his friends and could continue to attend the after school club within the day care setting he had been for the previous three years. This was based on a number of factors, the main one being that he didn't not cope well with change and I felt it was wrong to expect him to be able to change everything (school, after school, friendship groups etc) at once. It meant a 10-15 minute drive for us morning and afternoon (I worked in between, or it would have been up to an hour travelling for me a day for him to go to school).

Easter of year 2 I ended up moving him to a school which is a 5 minute walk from our house. The first school he was at was no longer the right school for him. He still has friends from his old school who he sees on an irregular basis, he also has local friends who he plays out with.

If I had to do it again, I would change nothing (except maybe move him at the beginning of year 2). I would still start him in the school a drive away, because that was right for him then. I would still move him, because the local school is right for him now. And if it had been the other way round, I would have moved him from the local school to the further school (in fact I did look at other schools which are further when I was looking at what school would be best to move him to).

In short, go with your gut feeling. You know your child, you know what would suit her better. And if you really can't make your mind up, I would put the CofE school first, the village school second, and your catchment school third.

Even with proof reading....

didn't cope with change, not didn't not cope with change

Very good points AGlass...I think it's the same with my DD (sorry for hijack!) the tiny private school she is at now was right for her at age 3...but now she is so much more sociable she needs more choice of friends...there are only three other girls in her class...so the move needs to be made.... could send her to the school down the road...but am not for similar reasons that MOg isnt sure about her local one...but I am in the position to move luckily...however having said that, my sister drives past 2 perfectly good primary schools evey day as she takes her girls to their school and she never has one qualm...se knkows in her gut it was right to send them to the school they're at.

It's about self doubt or otherwise really. Plus a predeliction to try to micro manage.

I think parenting is lot about adapting and putting yourself out for the DC.

Mog..I think whatever choice you make you need to do as I am going to do...and promise yourself that that's it...and when any problems arise...which they do for ALL kids at some point during their education...you must not wonder if you chose correctly. There is no choosing correctly...only choosing. Each road will have bumps...

I moved into an area when ds1 was 16 months old to be within walking distance to an amazing school. He got in, we walked 1/2 mile to get there, all fab.

We have moved 2 1/2 miles away and now have to drive, no chance of walking, major dual carriage ways etc so like Seeker (but nowhere near the amount of mileage) I have to trek sometimes 3 times to school. Even the short distance can be problematic.

If you are ill, no one will be passing by your door so you will either have to drive them to someone's house (done that, DH broke his arm the same week I had very bad bug so couldn't even rely on DH) I couldn't have gone into the playground, I was throwing up, sick bucket was in the car in case I needed it!

Ds2 was in the nursery there 5 mornings for an entire year meaning I dropped them both off, came back home, went back for ds2 then back again for ds1.

School club kicks out at 4.40pm, so I picked
ds2 up, came home, had small amount of time at home then back to school for ds1.

Ds1 was incredibly shy, I put him into a school that had a 90 pupil reception, people fall over themselves trying to get their child in. The support was huge, loads of TA's and parent helpers. Very cosseted environment despite the class size.

Both children have friends, admittedly not round here but then even if we had stayed where we were the friends weren't close enough to call round. We drive to people's houses and children come here for tea/play.

Parking outside the school is awful, worse when it rains. As someone else suggested visit the school at drop off and pick up to see how the parking is. We park a distance away and walk.

We all love this house, wouldn't swap it for anything but getting stuck in traffic at pick up does panic me, even though I allow loads of time for issues and have people on stand by to get my child should I be late.

we chose the local school.

3 yrs in have not regretted it.

For us being part of local community was important.

being at walking distance is nice.

school is good, not outstanding, but clearly working hard to become outstanding so good atmosphere and hard work.

Go with your heart!

Be careful about chasing good ofsteds - a lot can change. Our most popular local school has been given a poor ofsted, and people drive to it from miles around.

You also have to remember that in a big school, your reception child is not left to struggle amongst a huge crowd of children - they are split into their classes.

DS got into a school a 10 mon drive away, and we moved to be withon easy walking distance: it improved the quality of our lives no end! It's brilliant being part of the same community as the school, having friends on the doorstep, having a network of other parents who can step in if we are delayed on public transport for the pick up (we both work f/t), DS is now able to walk to school on his own, which he LOVES.

How the school is managed makes a big difference - in bigger schools the Reception class often have their own playground.