Ok local school or perfect school that's a drive away - wwyd?

[moginthedark]

I don't know what to do. DD will start school in September, and we've narrowed the choice of schools down to two and now I can't decide what's the most important.

One is just perfect for DD in every way (I won't bore you with the details, but it really is, and gets an OFSTED outsanding for pastoral care). But it's a 15+ minute drive from us (in a town) in a different village. Almost all of the children there will live in the village.

The other one is within walking distance, and does also have a lovely atmosphere and a reasonable local reputation. But it's by now means so right for her. Except that I do think it's really important to walk to school, for us to be part of the school community, for her to be able to have friends round. Whereas if we go to the village school she could easily end up a bit left out.

Has anyone else faced this choice? If so, how did it work out for you?

(And we can't afford to go and live in the village, houses there are twice as expensive as in the town...)

Would have made more sense if I had posted quicker

How long have you been doing the drive, ilovetulips?

And I don;t think we all have the same idea of what is in the best interests of your children.

If I choose to change my ds's school in the near future, it will be a 30 minute either way trip, not ideal but I am willing to do.

It's only like driving to work surely??

Seeker I am intrigued to why you choose your local school to one that is better suited to your child? Please explain it because I am baffled!

Lots more to think about...but can I say again that we are, oddly, much more likely t get into the village school than any other choice we like. And while they do double classes, reception is single intake, so just 14 max, which seems like a good way of getting used t it.

But it's not the bedlam of the classroom that is the problem for DD, she's more worried about playtime. And the village school is the only one who had a strategy for quiet kids at playtime when we asked.

Part of the reason I'm asking on here too, is that i never, ever lived near school and called on friends, so i don't know what she would be missing out on.

Neurotic - the middle school thing is a nightmare which first school choice can't hlep, unfortunately. We may have to move area then.

Clary - no other children and sadly no hope of them; also dh works from home and so can help in an emergency.

Oh, and it's about 4 miles, but i don't drive that fast.

ilovetulips.

DD's school is a 5min drive, 12min walk away.

It's great, but even we find it a pain at times. When the school day ends at 3:15pm, and the play starts at 5pm and they need to be back (and fed) by 4:30pm. Or your parents evening slot is at 5:30pm. Or you have a second child who also has a parents evening slot, but at 7pm that night. Or DC2 is sick, but still needs to be taken on the school run.

There's an awful lot of hanging around and juggling locations, and that's with the local school - let alone one with 2 hours driving a day.

And yes, these are exceptions, but they add up and eat into the quality of life for the whole family.

But although she is the quiet kid I would be very wary of thinking about quiet strategies at playtime and things like that and worrying abut it and basing a school choice on that label.
Like I said I am speaking as the parent of a child that would turn away form strangers in his buggy as a baby because he was so shy but I did realise when it was coming to pre-school age that by helping to maintain that label I wasn't actually doing him any favours.

I went to a local primary school then to a senior school in our town with pupils coming from all over and I hated it when I was at the younger end of the school didn't mind it as much when I got old enough to travel on trains and buses to go an visit friends.

I think it is harder when they are younger again as they are less likely to be outside playing much on their own and a lot of tea invites and friends over to pay are organised at school often between mums themselves when they meet at the school gate.

Local school. For long and complicated reasons DS got allocated a place at the school in the next village 3.5 miles away - country roads; no paths; deemed unsafe to walk by council for secondary pupils etc.

So each mornings school run, I drive past the school that he should have gone to.

It adds on an hour to the day; they can't walk to school with their friends; friends for tea etc requires driving back and forth; we miss out on spontaneous after school trips to park etc; if the car is off the road or I am unable to drive (like the 6 weeks I had post c/section) then it is a fecking nightmare trying to get the DC to school.

Oh and our PAN is 18 - so being such a small school they run mixed year classes - which inevitably leads to much competitiveness over whose DC are going up a class and whose are staying down. DS was in same class as 2 of his friends in YR and Y6 only.

As a mum of a 'quiet' kid who has been to school both 3 minutes walk away and 20 minutes drive away I would say the local school every time for social reasons.

When ds didn't live in the same area as his school friends he became very isolated and missed out on lots of the informal unplanned 'can Freddy come to tea today? type opportunities that happen when kids walk hoe together. He didn't get to know the kids who lived near us (as they all went to their local school] plus he missed out on the 'playing out after school' going on around his school as he didn't live there.

I think neuroticwhome made a really good point. Much better to go to the school that is best for your child rather than the journey. I would without question try to go to the school that is best for your child.

Also small schools don't necessarily mean easier socialising for quieter children. Friend's dd in a small school only had 2 other girls her age in her school and found it very isolating as she didn't have much in common with the 2 others. Friend moved her dd to a much bigger school and she was much happier.

See, I don't think it is in a child's best interests for all their friends to live in one village several miles away.

And sorry, but when you are 7, with the best will in the world, your friends are at school with you.

DS2 is 7 and his best friend for years was a boy who goes to another school; still a good friend but we see him about 5 times a year, if that.

His best friend now lives in the next street.

jollydiane "I would without question try to go to the school that is best for your child." yes but which one is that?

I also don't think it is in their best interests to drive to school every day.

A friend of mine picked a further away school because they felt it was a better school for their DD. Anyway they moved somewhere else at yr 4 and even she admitted it might have been better if she had gone with all her pals to the slightly noisier, scruffier school round the corner.

Sorry mog re remarks about other children but my point in general on that is valid perhaps. Tho not for you. Maybe that makes the drive less of a nightmare. Also the middle school factor makes the "walk on my own to school" bit somewhat irrelevant too, tho my 9yo walks to school by herself.

These threads always boggle my mind; if I had considered schools within 4 miles of my house I would have had to visit about 20 schools!

I don't want to send my DD to the "noisier scruffier" school though and for very valid reasons...their are kids who swear as they leave at 3.15..running down the road and yelling an pushing and swearing...I know this isn't EVIL but I just dont want it...not with the many problems it has as a result of social issues.

I don't think that at 7 a child has much say in it...they need plydates and friends of course...but it's not their "right" to have mates next door...it's their right to have a good education in a decently sized class.

Also what do people think kids in private schools do? They certainly don't all live in the same street! Same goes for rural families...many have to travel a bit.

Yes, these are precisely the issues I am wrestling with. Is the right school for my child the one that fits her personality and aptitudes, or the one that makes us part of the community? And I genuinely don't know.

Ineedacleaner - I completely take your point about not 'labelling' DD as quiet, but I liked the village school not just because they had the plan, but because they were the only school who actually had thought of the problem and had a strategy. All the other ones - with much larger intakes - just said, oh, they'll be OK and mumbled a bit. So I take this as showing that they have a nurturing attitude to individuals generally.

Also, DD has a the trait, at least for now, of not bothering to tell teachers what she can do; as she's not stupid, I suspect that in a large class she will drift unacknowledged in the middle, whereas in a smaller school they are more likely to push her to do more. But it all depends on how much I want her to be stretched, or want her to have lots of friends locally.

Wimpole - I completely agree with you on this if that's the choice you have. Our nearest school is pretty much like that and DD will not be going there for exactly those reasons (and others). But we can also apply to another school within walking distance, which is academically no great shakes, but has a good atmosphere and ethos, so the choice is a bit more blurry.

And we have to fill the form in next week.

We also have the option of a closer school...academically not much to go on and a bad head... but nice kids etc...and there's never been a question of sending DD there. It's just not good enough.

I want DD to be in a school with excellent teachers..who will teach her how to learn.

Mog...have you thought about secondary? I suppose I have another good reason for choosinng the further school as it feeds into a brilliant secondary...so if we move house then she should be able to go there.

Could yuu not eventually move a ittle closer? Not necassarily in the same village if it is too expensive..but closer.

"decently sized class" is interesting wimpole.

Why do people think the classes in any state school will be smaller than about 30? mog does the village school actually have smaller classes? Most small schools I know mix years to give them classes around 25-30 anyway.

In fact a school near me (less than 4 miles away) which is rated outstanding by Ofsted has 35 in a class.

I wouldn't send my DC there for a number of reasons.

"noisier, scruffier" school is somewhat flippant - my point was that in the example I talked of, the parents thought they were making the right "choice", but in fact they were disappointed by the school which they spent a long time getting to each day (10 mins in car or 45 mins walk) and which took their DD away from her best friends. Maybe the local school would have been disappointing too. Who knows.

Yes, rural families travel, that's a different issue tho. Also private school pupils are often from all over. That's not the same as choosing a school where the majority are from one village and you are not.

I had an issue with a choice of two schools when DS1 was due to start. I decided to go for the local school as when I was in primary school we moved away from the village but my Mum didn't change our school. I really felt I had missed out not having friends to call on after school, and nobody to play out with. I didn't want this for DS.

The school I am thinking of for my D has a class size of 21...DD will make it 22. There is one class per year too...in our local school there are 2 per year and they are open plan...over 30 kids in each and the noise is deafening.

With regards to the rural issue...it's reasonable to consider that in any village school there will be a dceny percentage of children from nearby green belt areas...who have to travel a couple of miles to get there.

I think that tradition is changing and that not all parents are taking the doorstep option as they realise there is more on offer. In my area there are around 6 kids in our street...one goes to the local school..my DD is in an independant school and the boys up the road go to one in another village.

My sisters kids bypass 2 schools to get to their school of choice...no problems with making friends whatsoever..I could recount many examples and I am sure the majority of people choose the nearest school...but it's not a must.

Most kids will make friends at school with no trouble...if they need a lift sometimes to visit mates that is not half the bother that the fallout from a crap education causes.

wimpole the reason I said that about rural schools and the kids being from the village is that the OP said that was the situation at the village school she is looking at.

That would make it a no-no for me.

That's nice that yr DD's school has a class of 22, but you should know (you may already!) that it may not always be so. DS1 at one point, due to people leaving etc, was in a class of 21; the following year they put 9 more pupils into it. DS2's FS2 class was 22, but by yr 3 more children had joined the year and I think there are now 26 or 27 in the class.

Not many state schools can afford to run with classes severely under the 30 mark long-term.

I'm sorry wimple not wimpole! Think I am thinking of Rumpole of the Bailey!!

I don't mind if you call me Wimpole...it has an air of respectability which I will never achieve in real life!

Clary - the school has three classes: Reception, Year 1+2, Year 3+4. Max intake each year is 14, so max class size is 28, but in practice tends to be a bit smaller as their intake is usually 12 or so. And there is also no fannying about with who goes up a class or not, which I like.

The other real issue (which I have been avoiding for fear of being annoying bragging mother) is the question of whether DD is a good reader or quite bright. She can read, and will go into reception reading fluently. If she's just a reader and other children will catch her up, then she'll be fine in the local school, which is academically pretty mediocre, but does other interesting stuff. If she stays ahead, she will be better off in the village school, which is much better at extension work. But I have no way of knowing which is true right now.

Wimpole - this is also happening round us. While the village school is mostly local kids, I do know one neighbour who sends her boy there (and swears the travelling is fine). I also know other parents who have gone for other village schools.

What's interesting about this for me is trying to disentangle my own feelings about what happened to me (no local friends ever across 7 different schools, extreme boredom in many lessons) with what is best for DD. But this thread is really making me think about all of it, so it's good, thank you.

OK Mog that's nice in reception, class of 14, but then later years the classes don't sound as if they are much smaller than usual.

If she's able then it might be good for her to be in a mixed class with older DC - she can do the yr 2 work in yr 1. Tho what happens then when she is still in that class the following yr...hmm, not sure!

FWIW there has been a big hoo-ha at our infant school this year as they have had to have mixed classes for the first time in several years (too complicated to explain why).

Lots of angry parents were not happy. I don't think mixed classes are anything like ideal myself (so would certainly not travel far to get to one!) but of course with a good teacher they can work very well.