DD has shaved her legs…

[User0183749]

DD age 9, year 4, has shaved her legs and arms and I’m unsure how to handle it.

She has disliked her legs for being hairy for quite a while, but yesterday she appears to have removed it, I don’t know what to do.

Part of me wants to make sure she doesn’t do it again as she is a beautiful child but then also part of me remembers being bullied for years for being hairy and my mum not caring, I had to sneak a razor blade from my dad and more often than not I cut my self.

But she is a literal child! I don’t want her to feel self conscious and, as she points out, I shave my legs too. So what on earth do u do?

It’s sad she has noticed and cares, but it is what it is and she can’t now “un-notice” it. If she is determined enough to have secretly taken a razor and shaved her arms and legs, I think it would be unhelpful to tell her off or try too hard to dissuade her. I assume you already tried to make her realise body hair is normal and irrelevant when she had told you it bothered her before.

Given where things stand, you need to talk to her about it with love, and possibly suggest good and safe ways to remove hair. Personally, I would suggest waxing if you think she can manage it - having softer and thinner hair may make her less self conscious especially given the stubble and coarse hair that grows after shaving that may make things worse. And it can be done less frequently than shaving. If you don’t want to do that, then teach her how to shave safely.

Just let her shave. A friend of mine done this when she was younger (5) and her hair grew back thick and dark, she was always teased until her mum let her shave at 14.

Im not actually sure if it was shaving young or genetics- as i reflect now im older but what harm is it going to do?

Just buy her either "lady razors" or an battery operated shaver, just talk to her about puberty and she can shave her under her arms and legs if it makes her feel better,

You talk to her about it and say you will help her do it properly if she wants to but it's a pain in the bum and no one will care either way so it's got to be for her.

My DM chastised me for shaving, got very angry so I had her being horrible at home and girls at school laughing at me, which then made me hate PE when I was forced to get my legs out. This led to a lifetime hate of exercise and my self confidence being rock bottom. I still refuse to get my legs out even when shaved! She handled it badly!

It's probably the hair bleached by the summer sun, the new hairs then came back not bleached.

If you still remember being bullied and your mum not caring, I don’t know why you’d forbid your child from shaving.

Yes obviously she shouldn’t be bullied and women shouldn’t feel pressure to shave their legs. But I feel like that’s a lot to put on a child (to go against social convention and pressure) when you as an adult aren’t prepared to go against it yourself, as you are also shaving. (That’s not a criticism of you shaving, I also shave my legs)
You could make her wait a couple of years. But that feels like a fairly arbitrary rule if it’s bothering her this much now.

This is really tough and I had a similar dilemma with DD who also had very dark thick hair on her legs and who was routinely teased for it.

In the end, I came to the conclusion that while she shouldn't have to shave, she also has the right to do so. And part of my conversation with her was around the fact that if she wants to and if she feels she needs to, I accept and support that and will help her, but also, that I wanted her to know that it's annoying that women feel this need to do this or that other children are teasing her (I did also talk to the teacher on one occassion).

I was a lot stricter on the arms thing. I didn't feel that was a goo d idea and would create more problems so I strongly discouraged that.

Coincidentally I shaved my legs and arms when I was 9 because I was incredibly dark and hairy and I hated it.

I had to use my dad's old fashioned razor when you had to open the top to change the blade.

I took it upon myself because my mum (having never shaved in her life), just wouldn't let me do it and kept dismissing my feelings by saying "But you're beautiful the way you are".

I was never bullied, it was just something I didn't like and wanted to change.

I was jealous however of my friend's whose mothers bought them Ladyshaves.

It’s no big deal let her shave. My mum didn’t allow it and I was made fun of so much at school. My legs were ( at still are ) very very hairy. I couldn’t even wear tights as they would make my legs itch too much and girls weren’t allowed to wear trousers. You don’t want to put her through that honestly.

They are her legs. This is her choice.

Have a chat, make sure she knows that hair removal isn’t required and she is perfect just as she is.

And then, if she still wants to remove her leg hair, talk her through the options and buy her what she needs.

This is the first step in making sure she knows she can talk to you about this sort of thing and that you will respect her views and decisions.

Get this right and you’ll be establishing an open dialogue that will include periods, relationships, sex and contraception.

Don't over think this, shaving her legs isn’t really any different to choosing what hairstyle she has.

It’s a personal choice, not permanent and not damaging.

How you deal with it is the bigger impact for your relationship.

You want to protect your daughter from feeling self conscious about her appearance. You are a great mum. But it’s so hard. If you tell her that her legs are beautiful and she shouldn’t change them, it won’t make her feel less self-conscious about her legs, it will just make her self-conscious about the fact that she does care about her legs, on top of feeling self-conscious about her legs in the first place. I think you should validate her feelings about her legs and let her know everyone has things about their bodies they don’t like, so she knows she can come to you about any future insecurities she might develop instead of trying to deal with them in unsafe ways.

Just let her and make sure she has a decent razor. My dd 13 shaves her arms as well as full leg. I’ve told her a bit of hair is fine but she’s self conscious so what can I do. She uses so much shave gel I need to take out a mortgage

Her body, her choice. Buy her a battery operated shaver, then she won’t cut herself.

Let her.
Get her a battery one like someone else said.

This.

It is no big deal op.

Are you concerned about safety? In this case the electric shaver, wax or even depilatory cream are a good idea.

If it is more about a stance that she should accept her body as it is, it isn't really fair to make her suffer bullying and embarrassment for your ideals. Some people feel there is something intimate about body hair - I guess because it can feel like an extension of pubic hair. If your argument is for choice not to remove, then it has to cut both ways and allow her the choice to remove. If done safely it won't harm her.

9 is so young, isn't it?. it's horrible that girls this age even notice leg hair! They should just be kids playing and having fun.

But it doesn't really matter how you or I want her/them to feel, it's about how they do feel! Whether we like it or not, she is already self-conscious about it, so I would just help her remove the hair she wants to remove in the safest way possible, which I personally think is probably a battery operated razor.

She's too young to be using wax on her skin or hair removal creams. Manual razors are much easier to cut yourself with than battery operated ones.

I still have a scar on my ankle from the first time. I used the razor on my legs & that was over 40 years ago 🤣🙇🏻‍♀️

i'd 'let' her use it on her arms as well, it won't do any harm. Obviously, I'd keep reminding her when it came up in conversation that she doesn't need to do this. It's perfectly normal to have hair on our arms and legs, and it's perfectly acceptable to tell other people to mind their own business if they make any comment..

Buy her a razor and shaving foam. Maybe try Veet. She's 9 and it's her choice. Telling her she's beautiful being hairy is pointless. As an adult, I shave. I do it for myself, because I want to. If she is self conscious and it makes her happier to shave, then support her in her decision to do it.

My dd was desperate to shave her legs. Little blonde hairs that were hardly noticeable but she hated them. I let her shave them (age 10 or 11) and she was delighted. But she also couldnt really be bothered doing it often so once she had the option she didnt actually take it that much.

I let my dd shave at that age. She was already significantly taller than some girls in her class by that age, they were having to get changed in front of each other for PE and she really wanted to as she was self conscious about looking different. She uses my razor handle but has her own blades.

A friend took her daughter for waxing at around that age because her daughter was getting bullied and she found her sobbing in the bath ☹️
She explained all the possible hair removal devices/techniques with her, told her she shouldn’t have to change herself to fit in etc but she would support her getting/accessing whichever method she chose.
Daughter decided to try waxing and stuck with it, she’s is now in secondary school where most seem to shave etc
I think the problem for her was that she was developing slightly ahead of her peers and had a darker skin tone so her hair was darker.
If she wants to stick with shaving, as others have suggested get her an electric/battery one to minimise cuts/grazes.

Why do you shave your legs, and why shouldn’t that same reason apply to her?

She might only be 9, but it sounds like she’s as an age where she has a reason to want to shave her legs - it’s sad she feels this way, but it’s not the worst thing.

If you want to discourage it or change how she feels, you might need to stop shaving your legs in solidarity to take a stance against society.

You show her how to do it safely. She’s going to do it at some point, why not let her have one less worry now.

Presumably you let a nine-year-old have a say in what hairstyle they have and what clothes they wear. I don't think letting them shave their legs is any different from that really. It's just about letting them have a bit of autonomy over their appearance, I think.

I completely get why feel sad about it; I think most mums would. Nobody wants to see their child feeling pressure to look a certain way and everybody thinks (correctly!) that their child is perfect just the way they are. But at the end of the day, you shave your legs because you presumably feel self-conscious if you don't, and I think you need to let your daughter act on her feelings just like you do. Nine is young, yes, but it's such a small thing, really, and I wouldn't make this your hill to die on.

Honestly, in the tween/teen years to come there will be many opportunities for appearance-related disputes when she inevitably wants to wear wildly inappropriate clothes for her age, tries to dye her hair green or wants to get her tongue pierced - so I'd say just choose your battles and let the leg-shaving go.

Let her, its no different to wanting a different hairstyle or lip gloss. If it makes her feel better about herself then be supportive, dont make it into a big deal or make her feel awkward!
Just say something like "oh did you shave your legs, when we go shopping next we can pick out a razer you like, be careful doing it that you dont go sideways at all as it can cut you"

I don't understand the concept of 'letting' a daughter shave her legs or not. Leave her to it. It's her business. If she wants smooth legs, she can have smooth legs. You can't really go far wrong with a safety razor...she might cut herself but it will be superficial and you learn through trial and error. Or, if you're clumsy like me, you still nick the bony bits!