Dd won't stop screaming at everyone

[Whatwouldscullydo]

Every day from when she gets up carrying on the second she gets home from school and is god forbid asked to do something like pick her shoes up so they arent in the middle of a doorway so people can trip over them or put her clothes in the laundry basket.

Every time you turn around shes fucking about with something else making more mess/work for me to sort out rather than spending 5 seconds doing what she's been asked to do.

I work so when I ask for washing its because I have limited time to get it washed and dried and hung up. I simply cannot wait until she decides she can be arsed to stop screaming and faffing and give it to me.

She is making life miserable for everyone in the house. I've tried talking to her. Dd1 has tried talking to her. Her dad has tried talking to her. She behaves for him. Here she will just shout and scream all the fucking time. I stay calm and try not to feed the outburst but I swear the police are gonna turn up for noise disturbance soon.

Shes had her phone and screens removed because of her behaviour which has at times resulted in her physically grabbing me. She refuses to make the link that her behaviour has consequences. Blames everyone else and screams at everyone else because she didnt do her home work when asked to ( having wasted the time at homework club at school doing fuck all ) and I've told her that as its 9pm she's going to bed now not doing homework she's had since 3.00 to do.

I cant deal with her any more.

Anyone else's kid like this since starting high school? Anyone know a good priest? The teachers do not report any problems at school I've spoken to them at parents evening and met them at an open hour etc.

Honestly op I’m not going to go on but dyslexia goes hand in hand with adhd.
Fair enough if you don’t think you have it or your dd but just be aware it presents very differently in women and girls. You will know of and read about adhd but it’s based on male and typical presentation. Some of the most intelligent people I know have adhd and/or autism.
It was not obvious to anyone that I had it or my dd. Very subtle, but once we explored it then it really did explain a lot of what was going on for us internally.
The charts won’t work because people with adhd switch focus. Once the novelty and therefore the dopamine wears off it’s not interesting and literally out of sight out of mind.
Gaming/socials unfortunately provides easy dopamine hits so is very very addictive.
I could go on and on about this but il leave it now as I hear its not what is going on for you both but just be aware.

Oh grow up. I’ve gone through a tetchy teen phase and come out the other side.

who do you think you are with limited information and insight thinking you can accuse me of the same horseshit you’re throwing around here.

you’re embarrassing yourself.

No I did wonder if her dad was on the spectrum sometimes as that would explain alot so definitely is something I am going to keep a closer eye on as I'm.assuming it could have come from him? Especially as he struggles with reading/spelling too but he always put it down to moving schools alot. Hes also an avid gamer so there are alot of similarities there.

@Whatwouldscullydo is this hormonal perhaps? Notice any cycles of behaviour/mood or is it constant?

does she do enough sport/exercise? It can work wonders with boys.

She also shares traits with my brother. He was aggressive and violent as a kid. He would frequently physically attack me. Threw massive tantrums until his teens

mzI.did wonder about hormones. I had hoped starting her periods would mean it would finally settle down but its suddenly got worse since she started

She will have a week.or two of being fine then 2 weeks where literally offering to make her pancakes results in being screamed at.

I did buy some Evening primrose I was gonna try in case that could help

@Quitelikeit

I pity your adult child. Knowing they can never confide in their mother if they really are struggling with parenting. Or they do confide… and face harsh judgement and scathing comments

Yep could take after her dad or be like your brother. It’s genetic but as with anything can be spontaneous. Just because one family member is ND does not mean all will be and also the other way round.
Non of my siblings are ND including my twin.
It could also be learnt behaviour from dad. Could just be her personality. Or all the above.
Some people are just the way they are not every behaviour is down to nd, we are all unique after all, but it’s worth keeping in mind.

@Whatwouldscullydo My ds is older now but suspects he has ADHD, school assessed him and they do think that he has a bit of dyslexia and college have just recently given him 25% extra time in exams - no official diagnosis of anything but there are quite a few similarities between what you’re describing.

it wasn’t always like this @Whatwouldscullydo and it won’t always be like this. You’re human, you can manage this, you can get frustrated and show your dd that it’s hurting you and that it’s unacceptable behaviour.

you’re posting here because you DO care. There are all kinds of suggestions here that might be helpful. Try whatever you think might work and you’ll get there

your ex isn’t helping sadly, but at least if you know this and know he can’t be relied on, you can work around him and compensate

That’s interesting, the cycle fits.

I know a friend of mine explained to her (autistic) dd who had raging PMT that as a woman, our moods do go up and down and that as a mum you’d make allowances, but what she does and says hurts you and that’s not fair. Ask her if she wants help with this so she doesn’t feel so angry sometimes

mz and others thanks. You are right i DO care. If I didnt id not be on here. I am very careful mot to lose it at home in fact I take.it down.the gym.or go fir a walk precisely so I can go home stick a.smile.on.my face and wait for her to calm down and not fight fire with fire.

She should definitely be cleaning the mess she makes in other areas of the house.

My male version also leaves his pants in the living room 🙄

I have 2 much older dc who are adults now and the oldest one was also a pita at that age, the majority do grow out of it fortunately

Try to think of your other Dd - rising to the spite and anger from your teen doesn’t help anyone. Try to disengage and maintain ( the appearances of) a strong and confident woman. Your life cannot be controlled by another.

Well here's some irony fir everyone.. Guess who's got a detention on Monday for repeated lack of homework...

And its my fault because I took her chrome book away at night. Nothing to do with the fact I came home from the first part of my shift on the strike day to find her on the phone gaming with a friend and then she didnt do it at her dads either when I went back to work.

Head. Desk. My Fault and I wasn't even bloody there

Mzhz

I’m embarrassing myself? Oh pleassseeee 🤣🤣🤣 why don’t you and the op head for a coffee and trade your successful parenting ideas 💡

and to the poster who said my adult child could never confide in me - for goodness sake what on earth are you talking about?! Is it that your own approach mirrors the ops, did I hit a nerve?

well talk about horse shit……………

Sounds like she needs support in organising herself. Are you aware of what homework she is being set? DD's school uses the edulink app which is great because I can log in and see what's been set, when it's due in. Means I can remind/nag her about specific pieces - have you done your biology due in tomorrow - which I think is more useful than just saying go and do your homework.

Can you imagine having this as a parent? Shudder

Yes that dad let her get comfortable there and he gets to deal with the screaming

FYI the school can go off at you about her personal hygiene all they like you cannot physically force her to wash she isnt a baby tell them you provide opportunity reminders soap towels and showers toothpaste and she refuses they can call social services and they will only really be concerned by the violence shown towards your other child and may advise separation anyway because you cannot force a teenager to shower

I text my son nightly do your homework he can't say I don't remind him I just tell him I'm not nagging him he does the homework or he takes the punishment if he kicks off about getting a punishment I tell him I don't want to hear it because I told you to do it

Surprisingly he is getting better

And it would appear after watching a YouTube video that as its a school issue chromebook I cant link.ot to the family link app. Damn it.

She told me her dad lets her watch what she wants on you tube so she doesn't get why she can't have free reign here.