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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Original poster

12 year old lying about where they are going!

88 replies

Symposium · 01/05/2023 15:51

How angry/worried would you you be?? I gave my 12 year old son permission for the first time to go on the bus with a Friend (who I haven't met) to a shopping centre in a large town just outside London , (we live on the outer part of London) I just checked find my phone and in fact he has travelled into central London! Rang him, and when he answered he continued to lie about where he was. I have asked him to return home immediately. I feel sick. He has ASD also and I think he is quite naive. Goodness knows what else he is lying about.

OP posts:
ButterCrackers · 01/05/2023 15:54

Explain that you are ok with him going out but you need to know where abouts in case of an emergency. Next time he has to say truthfully and it’s ok. He must be clear about where he is.

Smallyellowbird · 01/05/2023 16:16

I would be very cross about the lying - I take it he knew that you wouldn't have agreed to him going into Central London.

If he was mine I'd ground him for a couple of weeks, and talk to him about how he needs to rebuild your trust in him.

Stripycatz · 01/05/2023 16:34

I'd be understanding, but very clear that the lying is wrong, and very firm on what the risks were and what is to happen next.
You won't get anywhere by being angry.
Odds are he wasn't up to much, just knew you would say no. Or, kids being kids, their plans changed and didn't see the need to inform or ask you.

Original poster
Symposium · 01/05/2023 17:37

Well he's home now thank goodness. I'm trying to stay calm but he keeps lying about where he had been. He had also turned his phone tracking off and then denied it. I'm just so suspicious that he has met someone online or something and is lying about meeting a school friend.

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Judydoes2 · 01/05/2023 17:40

Tell him about Andrew Gosden?

Original poster
Symposium · 01/05/2023 17:43

I've confiscated his phone but he still has access to his computer.

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PinkPlantCase · 01/05/2023 17:46

Symposium · 01/05/2023 17:43

I've confiscated his phone but he still has access to his computer.

I’d take away his internet access tbh.

And have a very stern chat.

A 15 year old I’d handle differently. 12 is very much a child.

Eggseggseverywhere · 01/05/2023 17:58

When is he 13? Ime tell him going out alone is postponed until he is more mature...

Original poster
Symposium · 01/05/2023 18:00

He's a few months away from turning 13.I need to trust him before he can go out again. Goodness knows when that will be.

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Napmum · 01/05/2023 18:01

My Mum came down hard on me when I went somewhere else in our small village at a similar age. She explained the concerns, and I think I was grounded for a month.

But I never did it again, and when I was a little older, I got more freedom after I had proved I had learnt from it.

He needs to learn responsibility and show it before he can be trusted. If he has ASD then making it clear what he needs to prove he can do before he is safe to go places without an adult again.

Original poster
Symposium · 01/05/2023 18:02

It's tough because he has never really had friends and I was pleased that he seemed to have made this friend and wanted to go out together. But now I'm not sure what's really going on or what to believe.

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Original poster
Symposium · 01/05/2023 18:03

I suggested he brings the friend round so I can meet him but he was horrified at the idea.

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ballsdeep · 01/05/2023 18:03

I’d be fuming with the lying and the turning off the tracker.

JennyMatrix · 01/05/2023 18:07

How old is the friend?

Original poster
Symposium · 01/05/2023 18:18

Well I presume the friend is 12 or 13 as he says it's someone from his form at school... but I don't know if he's lying about that now.

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Original poster
Symposium · 01/05/2023 18:19

I want to remove all his tech but I don't know if that's an over reaction.

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CiaoBellisima · 01/05/2023 18:20

Tbh, I’d be checking his phone, social media and computer to see who he has been talking to. What if someone is trying to groom him?

Greentree1 · 01/05/2023 18:25

Did he take any photos on his phone that would give a clue what he was up to. Sounds like a friend to be avoided.

Original poster
Symposium · 01/05/2023 18:33

He was definitely on the tube as he took a video of it. No one else visible though. He has admitted they went on the tube after initially insisting they only used buses.

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Original poster
Symposium · 01/05/2023 18:34

I've checked his phone for messages and can't find anything .

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Original poster
Symposium · 01/05/2023 18:36

He also said his friend lives in a town 5 miles from his school. Seems suspicious as it's really unlikely anyone would travel that far to go to his school .

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MadeForThis · 01/05/2023 18:42

I would ground him for a while and take control of his tech.

That's a lot of lies and you have no idea who he is with.

At best a bad influence, at worst a grooming situation.

WheelsUp · 01/05/2023 18:42

Does he have Snapchat?
teh message automatically delete themselves

Have you checked his Internet history ?
Look up "how to fake location on AppYouUseForLocation" so that next time he goes out, he doesn't use an app for faking his location or turns it off completely.

PinkPlantCase · 01/05/2023 18:44

I really would be confiscating all tech.

Does he play online games? Xbox live or PlayStation? If so he can chat to anyone on those. Even bloody online chess people can chat to each other.

Does he use discord? There are so many sites or online gaming platforms that he could use to be talking to whoever he was going to meet but wouldn’t be immediately obvious if you were ‘checking his messages’

Also things like Snapchat disappear.

samqueens · 01/05/2023 18:45

I’d be a lot more worried about him going out with a friend you haven’t met. That doesn’t seem wise at all at his age

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