Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Original poster

12 year old lying about where they are going!

88 replies

Symposium · 01/05/2023 15:51

How angry/worried would you you be?? I gave my 12 year old son permission for the first time to go on the bus with a Friend (who I haven't met) to a shopping centre in a large town just outside London , (we live on the outer part of London) I just checked find my phone and in fact he has travelled into central London! Rang him, and when he answered he continued to lie about where he was. I have asked him to return home immediately. I feel sick. He has ASD also and I think he is quite naive. Goodness knows what else he is lying about.

OP posts:
WheelsUp · 01/05/2023 18:45

Look at his friend's social media through your ds' phone. There might be clues as to where he lives and you might be able to watch what he got up to today on his Snapchat story or other app.

WheelsUp · 01/05/2023 18:46

Good call on the messages on his console. Does your son have Discord?

SourDoughToast · 01/05/2023 18:47

When they're 12/13 I think you need to crack down really hard on the lying. Or there will be a precedent that they can lie about where they are which can be risky.

The rule with mine is always if you lie to me, there will be consequences including loss of ALL screen time and not letting them go out with their friends because I can't trust them.

Beamur · 01/05/2023 18:49

He's fibbed and tried to cover his tracks.
Extremely concerning. He is much more vulnerable than he realises .

SourDoughToast · 01/05/2023 18:50

Symposium · 01/05/2023 18:03

I suggested he brings the friend round so I can meet him but he was horrified at the idea.

These things need to be non negotiable - if he wants to go out with this friend you need to meet them first. Or he doesn't go. Your son does not decide whether to do what you ask or not - you are in charge as the parent.

I really don't think a 12 year old child should be going out into central London with people you don't know.

JumpingFish · 01/05/2023 18:51

I'd be worried about county line.

Ionacat · 01/05/2023 18:58

My DD is also 12 and I’ve not met some of her new school friends. She has gone into town with some of them - only a 10 minute walk but I have seen photos of them on her phone and there’s various messages and what’s app groups. But that’s the difference here - I’ve seen the photos, the inane messages, heard her wittering on to some of them on video calls. I also know where they live as she’s told me. I can tell you chapter and verse on them because of the wittering!

Here I’d be more worried because you don’t know anything about this friend. I know you have to relax the reigns at secondary but I would find out about this friend - if your DS wants to earn back your trust then he needs to start telling you about this friend.

Original poster
Symposium · 01/05/2023 19:10

I'm not letting him out again until I can trust him and until I meet whoever he is going with. That might be a very long time but after the fright he gave me today it's no less than he deserves. He definitely doesn't use Snapchat . He does have discord . I do monitor it but perhaps not closely enough? I use discord myself as we are into gaming.

OP posts:
Original poster
Symposium · 01/05/2023 19:11

The friend he claims he was with isn't on his discord or WhatsApp or anything and he doesn't have his phone number.

OP posts:
PinkPlantCase · 01/05/2023 19:21

Symposium · 01/05/2023 19:11

The friend he claims he was with isn't on his discord or WhatsApp or anything and he doesn't have his phone number.

Sounds like more lies tbh

depre · 01/05/2023 19:25

He doesn't need punished he needs protected. A 12 year old with ASD is vulnerable.

Reugny · 01/05/2023 19:26

Symposium · 01/05/2023 19:11

The friend he claims he was with isn't on his discord or WhatsApp or anything and he doesn't have his phone number.

Yeah right!

So the friend doesn't exist them so he has no need to go out anywhere then.

JumpingFish · 01/05/2023 19:26

County Lines

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/county-lines-exploitation-applying-all-our-health/county-lines-exploitation-applying-all-our-health

Being neurodiverse means your son could be more at risk of exploitation. Would it be a good idea to not forbid him all his tech and see what happens on his various channels? What does his dad think about all this? Who does your son tend to listen to? I'd be very concerned I must say.

County Lines exploitation: applying All Our Health

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/county-lines-exploitation-applying-all-our-health/county-lines-exploitation-applying-all-our-health

WheelsUp · 01/05/2023 19:29

Symposium · 01/05/2023 19:11

The friend he claims he was with isn't on his discord or WhatsApp or anything and he doesn't have his phone number.

I don't believe this either. Tell him you're going to ask the school to get involved. This is embarrassing for most teens so will hopefully get your closer to a confession.

Mutabiliss · 01/05/2023 19:40

Symposium · 01/05/2023 19:11

The friend he claims he was with isn't on his discord or WhatsApp or anything and he doesn't have his phone number.

There's absolutely no way that's true, unfortunately. Are there any folders on his phone that might have an app hidden in them?

GoodChat · 01/05/2023 19:51

I'd remove all internet access, at least until he's honest with you.

Are you able to escort him to and from school?

Original poster
Symposium · 01/05/2023 19:52

I know I know he is probably still lying. I honestly don't think it's anything to do with county lines though. I've checked his phone and I can't find any trace of this friend .

OP posts:
Stripycatz · 01/05/2023 19:58

Are you sure the friend actually exists?

Saschka · 01/05/2023 20:06

Symposium · 01/05/2023 19:11

The friend he claims he was with isn't on his discord or WhatsApp or anything and he doesn't have his phone number.

Bollocks, he has communicated with them somehow.

KitKatLove · 01/05/2023 20:09

I’m going to possibly be the exception but did you never tell your parents one thing and do another? You’ve nothing to show he did anything more than go somewhere he wasn’t supposed to and lied to try to protect himself. Checking his messages is extreme. Going through his phone is like reading someone’s diary. I agree that there should be a consequence but if you don’t get the balance right he’s never going to tell you anything.

Original poster
Symposium · 01/05/2023 20:11

He's shown me a profile with a full name and email address from the school online platform he uses for homework . I'm inclined to think this is real as I don't see how he could fake that, but I don't know for sure if that is who he was with today.

At least when I did get hold of him by phone today and told him to come straight home , he did.

He claims to have made the plans in person at school.... I just find it hard to believe that they didn't share phone numbers or anything. He says he gave the friend his discord but they haven't connected yet.

OP posts:
Original poster
Symposium · 01/05/2023 20:13

I don't think going through his phone etc at 12 years old is extreme especially when he has been lying like this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Symposium · 01/05/2023 20:13

He hasn't minded me looking either,but perhaps that's suspicious?!

OP posts:
Singleandproud · 01/05/2023 20:14

DD is 13 with ASD, its a condition of her independence that she texts me everytime she changes location ie beach, park, Xs house, when with friends and I know the friends she goes out with and have contact details (that I've never used) for their parents.

If she lied then she knows she loses the trust and the independence.

At his age and with the added venerability of ASD he would make a good candidate for County lines so you are right to be on top of it. I would ground him and inconvenience him for a fortnight and make it clear that you have to know the people he is going around with, which is doubly important for him than a NT teen.

depre · 01/05/2023 20:15

KitKatLove · 01/05/2023 20:09

I’m going to possibly be the exception but did you never tell your parents one thing and do another? You’ve nothing to show he did anything more than go somewhere he wasn’t supposed to and lied to try to protect himself. Checking his messages is extreme. Going through his phone is like reading someone’s diary. I agree that there should be a consequence but if you don’t get the balance right he’s never going to tell you anything.

He is a vulnerable 12 year old. Autistic children tend to be behind their peers socially and emotionally, of course OP needs to know what he is doing and who he is with.

Swipe left for the next trending thread