Changing her name - to something stupid

[Namechange1011111stairs]

13yr old daughter. Her name isn't common but you'll have heard of it. FWIW MN generally approve when it comes up so it's nothing crazy. There are a few different spellings of it and in our naivity we went for one of the less common (but not made up!) spellings. It's one letter difference but is regularly spelt wrong.

She's has suddenly gone from loving her name to hating it,purely because of the spelling. She now wants to be called something else. She doesn't want to use the common spelling, one of the many nicknames or her middle name. Instead she has chosen a really, really stupid name! It's a word that could be a name but absolutely isn't. Think Spotlight or Plant.

Her changing her name makes me sad but we will support her if that's what she wants to do. However, I really don't want to use the name she has chosen because it's just ridiculous. She's absolutely set on it. I don't think she's just attention seeking with it. She told us today that she's been using it at school for a few weeks.

If I use it, she might keep it. If I don't use it, she might get stubborn about it. I'm hoping she's just trying it out as part of her finding her identity. But what if she decides that her name really is Plant?

Bizarrely school are happy to call her Plant etc but wouldn't let her use her middle name as her preferred name.

At her school there are a lot of "girls who present as boys" and vice versa so having preferred names is common and I wonder how much of this is influencing her, particularly as her new name sounds gender neutral/boyish whereas her proper name is definately female (but not cute or girly).

I don't want a daughter called Plant.

I would inwardly hate it, outwardly I would be supportive and get her a mug with the new name on and we'd have hot chocolate and all that supportive stuff. So she could never feel rejected and its one less reason to go deeper into the trans jungle than necessary. Good luck op.

Ah if only it was Plant... that's 'Children' in Welsh...

Can you make it seem silly? So instead of Plant. Make it Plant-pot-the-cat-spews-in. Or similar.

ie make it more embarrassing.

So she’s like “muuum it’s not fair. “
At which point you can compromise with something sensible? Like a nicer version of a name.

Reading things like this makes me want to pack my bag and go to a country with more traditional schooling. I feel for you OP. Id not only be concerned about my dd ruining her future this way but I'd be bloody annoyed I'd raised such an attention seeking Wally (not your fault though she's clearly taking advantage of a less strict
Look at the world we're living in. It's becoming harder and harder to compete with the utter stupidity found on SM everyday. Your dd has probably picked up on the need to be an 'individual' and special and is playing to that tune. I'd personally use the name but accidentally add words like plant pot to annoy her and hope and pray sense comes along with maturity.

I'd also probably give lengthy explanation of embarrassing theories as to why she's chosen this name all in ear shot. For example
"well I believe it all started when she learned that some plants eat little flies. Fascinating. Just like her."
To help hasten the moving on from such a name.

Doesn't every kid go through a phase when they want to be called something else?
Just play along at home, and she'll get bored of it very quickly. Don't go changing documents or anything like that.

I wasn't patient enough to wait for her to raise it so I asked about the badge and we had a chat. We were sat next to each other painting so she talked a lot. God forbid I actually look like I'm concentrating on her when we talk.

Anyway, she's still a girl! Phew!

She's never been "feminine". She has always worn "boys" shoes and clothes and has a buzz cut etc. She's also very tall and stands out. We knew she gets asked a lot if she's a boy or girl at school but didn't realise how fed up of it she is. She said it's mostly nosiness but is sometimes nasty. She can over-react so I suspect she is inadvertently drawing more attention to it and some people are doing it to get a reaction. She is wearing the badge to try and make people she doesn't know leave her alone.

We talked again about what makes people a girl/boy and about social constructs and stereotypes. We chatted a bit about the harm gender dysmorphia/changing sex can cause. I had to be careful because someone in her friendship group is presenting as a boy and I don't want to shut down any future discussions about that.

I did say that I wished she'd spoken to us before hand, like with the name.

She said she's definately still a girl and is happy with who she is and what she likes. She seems to feel no pressure to change her appearance or opinions to fit in. I still bigged her up.

We also talked about alternative ways she can react/respond when people make stupid comments. I'm not sure she took any of that on board though!

This might not be at all relevant but I wonder if she's got into a relationship or is hoping too, and feels like that will be easier if she labels herself differently. E.g. if she is wanting to date another girl.

"I don't want a daughter called Plant."

Sorry but this made me howl 😂

Probably a phase - I think most of us have hated our names at one stage. Smile and nod, humour it but appear to be supportive so you don't alienate her, and pray it doesn't last

All my documentation is in my shortened name, think Katie for Katherine on my birth cert?

I haven't changed my name

I have a friend I called by one perfectly normal girls name for years, met some of friends from her home town they called a completely different name. She just decided to start with a new name when she started at university but never changed it home. A bit odd but not really an issue. Everyone calls my dh and his dad and now often my son the first bit of their surname, which can be a bit confusing but it really doesn't matter. I think try and think about like this rather than gender related. It will probably change again.