Changing her name - to something stupid

[Namechange1011111stairs]

13yr old daughter. Her name isn't common but you'll have heard of it. FWIW MN generally approve when it comes up so it's nothing crazy. There are a few different spellings of it and in our naivity we went for one of the less common (but not made up!) spellings. It's one letter difference but is regularly spelt wrong.

She's has suddenly gone from loving her name to hating it,purely because of the spelling. She now wants to be called something else. She doesn't want to use the common spelling, one of the many nicknames or her middle name. Instead she has chosen a really, really stupid name! It's a word that could be a name but absolutely isn't. Think Spotlight or Plant.

Her changing her name makes me sad but we will support her if that's what she wants to do. However, I really don't want to use the name she has chosen because it's just ridiculous. She's absolutely set on it. I don't think she's just attention seeking with it. She told us today that she's been using it at school for a few weeks.

If I use it, she might keep it. If I don't use it, she might get stubborn about it. I'm hoping she's just trying it out as part of her finding her identity. But what if she decides that her name really is Plant?

Bizarrely school are happy to call her Plant etc but wouldn't let her use her middle name as her preferred name.

At her school there are a lot of "girls who present as boys" and vice versa so having preferred names is common and I wonder how much of this is influencing her, particularly as her new name sounds gender neutral/boyish whereas her proper name is definately female (but not cute or girly).

I don't want a daughter called Plant.

Believe it or not school are doing the correct thing. If you play along, the special name she picked loses its glamour and eventually she's be cringing when she hears it. Source: throughout my teens I variously wanted to be called Raven, Maria and (the worst) Captain (cringggggeee).

@Namechange1011111stairs

Omg I'd be horrified too my kids are only little but there was none of this nonsense when I was at school thankfully!

I know tonnes of people who wanted to be known as something else at secondary school, usually starting around year 8/9. Only two of them have stuck with it - one did go with "tree" (sorry) and the other went with a foreign but completely legit name e.g. Sven. So the chances are with you that you will get your normally named daughter back in the end.

I have no idea why the who non binary aesthetic has gained as much popularity as it has, it often seems so clunky - I wonder in a way if it's because it's so unsexy, it suits kids who don't want to grow up at the moment.

*why the whole

omg has she named herself Reliquary? (Trying to work it out from "rola cola"). If so she sounds like the goth I was at that age. I remember it fondly (but also, with a deep sense of embarassment).

I’ve nothing helpful to add. I just really want to know what the name is and if it is as ridiculous as plant 😅

I would do what you can to limit this obsession with identity. I know there are instances where people hate their name but if she’s chosen a name designed to turn heads then this is likely more about developing a created novel identity in her head. Which will not sustain this desire to work out who she is in the long run.

Its very much part of a trend of “being who we want to be” without acknowledging that development as a person is relational and is much more about mundane, everyday understandings of what kind of daughter/friend/student we are as well as likes/dislikes.

This new name likely reflects what she would like to be so find out what that is and help her get there. Then she won’t need the name to reinforce it because she will be living it.

My oldest (14) has changed the name they go by, albeit fortunately to one that I think is very nice. Our comment on it has been that if they still like it when they're old enough to do the paperwork themselves, they can change it legally.

One friend of theirs went through 2 different names (1st one OK, 2nd one rather cliched teenage) over about 2 years, but has recently gone back to her original name.

I think a lot of kids will start uni in the next 4-5 years and have a laugh about using ridiculous names in their early teens!

Is it Rollercoaster?

It's common and harmless . I've known a number of adults change names (several in my extended family) no connection whatever to gender dysphoria.

Just go along with it until she gets bored of being called Plant and picks another.

I know of an adult who changed her name (bog standard regular name prob in top 20) about a year ago to Leaf..
Quite odd imo.
Not sure why. There are millions of those!!

Wondering if it's Molecule.

Is it Roller Coaster? Lol

I don't think you have to say the name though. I can't help but try to guess.

I’d embrace it and start calling her by the name at every single opportunity.

‘That’s a great name, Plant. I love it - so organic and fresh sounding’
’Plant, your dinner’s ready’
’Plant, can you do the bins?’
’Plant, we’re going to Lidl. Do you want anything?’
’Plant, pick up your clothes.’

Associate it with the least glamorous follow ups you can think of. Eventually, it will stop sounding cool and start sounding ridiculous.

My daughter wanted everyone to call her ‘Tegan Meegsn then Chanel chance’ she’s had the school change her name to ‘scar’ on the register, her name shortened. I feel your pain op, she’ll get bored

This is an odd take. I've changed my name my deed poll to remove my middle name, potentially 'disrespecting' not only my parents, but my paternal grandmother, whose name it is. It's an old-fashioned, ugly name and I didn't have a close relationship with my grandmother.

Do you think Talula Does the Hula from Hawaii was disrespectful for changing her name?

@NotAnotherBathBomb was it easy to do? I'm at the end of my tether with my name!

Mine is a common 80s name but I keep being called the male version every single day now (for search reasons it's the name of a famous writer.. D Steel so not a tricky one
Even when I send an email from my email which has my name as the email address AND in my signature I get "hi Daniel"
Thinking about Emma as well, you can't get that wrong can you?!

Quite, although I might have some issues when it comes to getting it changed on my passport as I have dual nationality and it needs to be the same on any other existing passports 🙄 and it's a slight mission to get it changed in my home country. But for drivers licenses etc it's easy.

Technically all you have to do it put in writing your intention to change your name and send it off to the organisation that you want to change your name to (like DVLA). There are templates online, but I paid £35 for it to be written by a solicitor on headed paper, also found them online

My dd changed her name when she started uni in September, she had been desperate to do it before but didn’t want to cause confusion with family and friends here, she went into uni with her new name and has since come out as trans, her new name is a gender neutral name and was a name I was going to call her before we agreed on her original name, so I don’t feel as put out by it but I do understand that it hurts a little. I would like to say it’s a phase and in a way I really hope it is but who knows? 😬

You’d be surprised.

I work with a lady with an easy and clear first- and surname - think along the lines of Annie Bloggs. She gets emails all the time addressing her as though her first name is her surname (like “Good morning Bloggs”) or people sub in different vowels in her first name (“hi Ennie,” “dear annue”). I’m often in the email chain and aghast at how people mangle her name!

People love swapping the i’s in my name to y’s. It’s plain disrespect when it’s RIGHT THERE in the email.

I've always hated my name. It's dated, it's boring and it's easy to use as a piss take .
At school in the 80s I would change the y on the end to an i . It doesn't make Wendy any less of being a crap name.

@BellatrixLestrangesHeatedCurlers it's really upsetting me now
I'm stood in front of them, obviously female and they go "Daniel?"

NO I'm not a fucking man, and my name is in the piece of paper you're holding!

I done this 40 years ago, within weeks i was back to my real name. Just smile and let her get on with it.

I went through a phase in the 1970s of wanting to be called Keith absolutely no idea why 😂 was a tomboy but very happy being a girl.

Hate to say it, but that's exactly what I would do!