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Preteens

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Original poster

DD getting horribly bullied online by ex-best friend, what actions should I take?

106 replies

HannahTone · 14/10/2022 12:30

For context, DD has always been more of a 'follower' type of girl and for some reason, has always friends who use her and then, act really nasty. But this particular incident is a first time for all of us.She was crying non-stop yesterday. DD, 11 y/o, has moved into secondary, but tried hard to keep in contact with her previous mates from primary, who apparently dont want anything to do with her. So, after some exchanges, this primary friend of hers decided to create a group on snapchat adding various kids, many of them who don't even know DD nor does she know them, and started writing the most nasty-est things I have literally ever read. Swearing at her, and mentioning things like 'fatherless shag', I mean absolutely awful. Things that I could not believe have come out of an 11 year old child, but there you go. And distributing her picture, which she shared with her a long time ago, talking about how ugly she is to people DD doesn't even know!It's absolutely horrible and I don't even know what to do. We have blocked them all, but chcked this morning and she is still being added in yet another group where the girl is mentioning her again. On top of that, she has threatened her that she'll knock on DD's door and beat her up. I don't want to take that as a joke as there have been some incidents around us where girls have beaten up one of their friends, and I'm so so scared. Husband is thinking of maybe taking some legal action, but I have no idea which is the best course of action.Should I just mention on the group that I'm the parent who's talking and if they don't stop, legal action will be taken? Or should we just ignore them? And what about safety issues for DD? I have been telling her in the past few days that she can come alone from her school, but now I'm scared and I will have to pick her up as well as not let her hang out alone outside. It's just horrible.Any help or advice very much appreciated!!!

OP posts:
DPotter · 15/10/2022 11:09

DO NOT, ABSOLUTELY DO NOT VISIT THE OTHER GIRL'S FAMILY

I hope I've made that clear.

Let the police do their job

MintChocCornetto · 15/10/2022 12:40

HannahTone · 14/10/2022 17:50

Update:I have called the police and they've advised us to block and report her on Snapchat (which we'd already done). They asked if we wanted to make a formal complaint which would mean an officer would interview both households and then, the matter might reach the court. I am very inexperienced in court and police matters and also don't know how to go about it. So for now, we decided to monitor and see how things get on, as DD does seem happy and unbothered for now (at least, from what I can observe). I'm planning on visiting her parents either today or tomorrow, and then maybe the other girl's school as well. The only thing that worries me (and the reason why I made this post in the first place) is I've seen countless times where gangs have been created after a report has been made due to revenge and I fear, seeing from how that girl is, she might do exactly that DD might suffer even more. So if we can ignore it for now and keep DD out of social media, we might just get out of the situation as is, since DD is in a different school from her, and would just accompany her at all times.Thank you so much for all your help!

DO NOT VISIT THEIR PARENTS

Why don't you let the police do their job? They're not going to arrest 11 year old girls and drag them to the cop shop in a van. But they will go to their house and explain in frank terms exactly what they have done wrong and the consequences if it continues. You need to give them and their parents the fright of their lives and you are not going to do that by turning up at their door and saying their children are bullies. That will not go down well. You need official involvement - either school or police.

Strictly1 · 15/10/2022 12:50

Greenight · 14/10/2022 13:15

  1. Screenshot as much evidence as you can.
  2. Pull your DD out of that school immediately, today; her career there is not salvageable and she is in danger.
  3. Pass all the evidence to the school in writing and say that what began as school time bullying has escalated into criminal threats, partly because of the school’s failure to end the initial bullying, and you want the perpetrators sanctioned and that you require a written response, and that all rights are reserved as against the school.
  4. Comment on the snapchat/wattsapp groups that you are the parent, that they are all over age ten and thus old enough to be arrested, that making threats of violence is a criminal offence and they are all being reported to the police as well as to the school. Suggest they consider whether their ego trip is worth running the risk of having a criminal record for life.
  5. Report to the police, with physical copies of the messages, and remind them that this kind of abuse is how the assaults against Abbie Jarvis and other such children began, and ask what they are going to do about it? Will they enforce the law against these children, and if not, why not?

you’ve not read the whole thread. They are at different schools - the school has not failed on this.

Pumpkin20222 · 15/10/2022 12:59

So sorry, this is horrible and so frightening.

Make copies (so it cannot be deleted), keep records, check the legislation (a list here: learning.nspcc.org.uk/child-abuse-and-neglect/bullying) and go to the police. Maybe they can advise on how to approach the school. The threats of violence/incitement cross a line where police involvement should be justified. Is there a liaison officer you can speak with to ensure any contact with your daughter is sensitive/does not make the situation worse for her.

I would also get her another phone with new numbers/a fresh start, but keep the old one myself to monitor if more threats are being made.

Pumpkin20222 · 15/10/2022 13:02

MintChocCornetto · 15/10/2022 12:40

DO NOT VISIT THEIR PARENTS

Why don't you let the police do their job? They're not going to arrest 11 year old girls and drag them to the cop shop in a van. But they will go to their house and explain in frank terms exactly what they have done wrong and the consequences if it continues. You need to give them and their parents the fright of their lives and you are not going to do that by turning up at their door and saying their children are bullies. That will not go down well. You need official involvement - either school or police.

Show quote history

Agree, do not visit the parents unless advised by the police. Visiting the parents has the potential to backfire massively, particularly if they claim you are harassing them.

Spudina · 15/10/2022 14:03

You need to follow the advice the police have given you. The kids need a formal warning. In reality it’s very unlikely to go to court (and how many of us do have experience with courts in reality). In retrospect, I do think going to see the parents will likely backfire. The parents will have ammunition to accuse you of harassing them.

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