DD getting horribly bullied online by ex-best friend, what actions should I take?

[HannahTone]

For context, DD has always been more of a 'follower' type of girl and for some reason, has always friends who use her and then, act really nasty. But this particular incident is a first time for all of us.She was crying non-stop yesterday. DD, 11 y/o, has moved into secondary, but tried hard to keep in contact with her previous mates from primary, who apparently dont want anything to do with her. So, after some exchanges, this primary friend of hers decided to create a group on snapchat adding various kids, many of them who don't even know DD nor does she know them, and started writing the most nasty-est things I have literally ever read. Swearing at her, and mentioning things like 'fatherless shag', I mean absolutely awful. Things that I could not believe have come out of an 11 year old child, but there you go. And distributing her picture, which she shared with her a long time ago, talking about how ugly she is to people DD doesn't even know!It's absolutely horrible and I don't even know what to do. We have blocked them all, but chcked this morning and she is still being added in yet another group where the girl is mentioning her again. On top of that, she has threatened her that she'll knock on DD's door and beat her up. I don't want to take that as a joke as there have been some incidents around us where girls have beaten up one of their friends, and I'm so so scared. Husband is thinking of maybe taking some legal action, but I have no idea which is the best course of action.Should I just mention on the group that I'm the parent who's talking and if they don't stop, legal action will be taken? Or should we just ignore them? And what about safety issues for DD? I have been telling her in the past few days that she can come alone from her school, but now I'm scared and I will have to pick her up as well as not let her hang out alone outside. It's just horrible.Any help or advice very much appreciated!!!

You need to report to both schools and the police, and make sure the parents are spoken to (I’d want to talk to them myself, but you might have to follow process.)

Escalate aggressively. This is way over the line. I am glad at least they are at different schools. I am so sorry for your daughter, SM bullying is so awful.

Screenshot the lot, take to Police, also send to her parents and to the head of year of the school she attends.

This will carry on unless it's stamped out HARD.

I don't want to add to the chorus unnecessarily but you MUST take action.

Inaction will make things far worse for your poor DD, and also send a very damaging message.

Take screenshots

1. instigators school
2. your daughters school
3. police

And whilst I don't recommend at all keeping them all on same comms I would absolutely let each of those three parties know that you are liaising with all three.

Email the school that these girls are in and include screenshots.
Contact police and send them screenshots.
It's not difficult to do the above. Don't overthink it. It's the right thing to do for your daughter.
If you don't, it may escalate, or she May remember that you didn't do anything to protect her.

After the suicide of the girl in the news re online bullying this is a police matter - the whole thing needs nipping in the bud now.

Police, immediately. And the girl's school.

If you're genuinely worried for your daughter's safety, also consider taking her to and from school for a while. I know a girl being bullied who is actually being taken to and from school by the police every day, but I'm sure most forces don't have the resources to offer that.

Don't drop it, make sure it is dealt with appropriately so your daughter gets the message that the bully won't get away with it.

Get a hold of the parents.

Can I also suggest talking to Childline. Both for you as parents and your daughter if she wants to. They were very helpful to me as a parent dealing with a young daughter getting sexual messages from a boy at school. They give clear advice and a clear focus on your child and what is needed to support them.
I called for support for my daughter but they offered support to me as her parent guiding her through it all and I made better decisions for it.
My best wishes getting through it.

I wouldn't go through the parents - it's a school issue. Contact them and the police. Your daughter will see you taking serious action and know it's in no way her fault, completely unacceptable and something that can be dealt with by calling in help from others - all great lessons for a kid.

When my dc had online abuse from older children than this, I replied saying thatI was their mother , I had screenshots and was going to the police. The only one who carried on did get a visit from the police and it stopped.

Nip it in the bud now, it only gets harder as they get older.

I'd also report the abuse to Snapchat - assuming that's the media used.

These companies say they want to clean up their act, so they can start by banning kids like this from having accounts. I know that's hard for them to do and numbers and names get changed but officially being removed from the platform might teach an 11 year old a lesson not to do this again.

Sorry but I would definitely get the police involved.
This is cyber bullying, harassment and threatening behaviour….surely they can demonstrate to that girl that this is serious and nip it in the bud now.
I feel so sorry for kids growing up in this era, your poor daughter.

Screenshot everything and send to her school and the police, also speak to her parents if possible, so sorry your daughter is going through this

It doesn't stop even when some young people go to university and their so called friends don't. I know a uni. Student who got a place as did one friend the others ganged up on them led on by a couple of ring leaders. The lies told, the accusations, smears were awful. Simple jealousy from teenagers they had grown up with because they had worked harder at school.

Update:I have called the police and they've advised us to block and report her on Snapchat (which we'd already done). They asked if we wanted to make a formal complaint which would mean an officer would interview both households and then, the matter might reach the court. I am very inexperienced in court and police matters and also don't know how to go about it. So for now, we decided to monitor and see how things get on, as DD does seem happy and unbothered for now (at least, from what I can observe). I'm planning on visiting her parents either today or tomorrow, and then maybe the other girl's school as well. The only thing that worries me (and the reason why I made this post in the first place) is I've seen countless times where gangs have been created after a report has been made due to revenge and I fear, seeing from how that girl is, she might do exactly that DD might suffer even more. So if we can ignore it for now and keep DD out of social media, we might just get out of the situation as is, since DD is in a different school from her, and would just accompany her at all times.Thank you so much for all your help!

I would report a formal complaint with the police and not go though the parents. The police do take cyber crime really seriously at the moment and it should scare them into realising you can't just say what you want online and get away with it.

I would have made a formal complaint. It’s very unlikely to have gone further than the police talking to her.
You had already done what they suggested so I don’t understand how you were any further forward than you were this morning.

Glad the police are aware. If you need guidance I would recommend childnet:

www.childnet.com/parents-and-carers/get-help/

OP, you really do need to let the police do their job. It is very unlikely to reach court but they do have to tell you it's a possibility. I can imagine the police turning up on their doorstep will give them the fright of their lives. Please pursue it. They were excellent with my DD.

Do not go to the parents. You should have let the police deal with it.
In reality the girl's school is likely to inform her parents. If you let the police deal with it, they will inform school and the parents and you don't need to get involved.

I would t personally go to the parents. Do contact their school and pass on all screen shots.

Don't visit the parents as they can claim you've been harassing them if they decide to support their child. My dd's primary school had the same issue in Yr 6 & a girl was issuing death threats.

The mum of the girl who was being bullied contacted the bullies parents. Big mistake, it all kicked off and the bullies mum attacked the other parent & left threatening messages, on the other girl's phone

Let the police and school deal with it, do not visit her parents because you'll put your dd in danger.

I hope it all fizzles out for your daughter, she sounds very resilient. You have done well to keep a calm head, it's easy to want to rip someone's head off 😇

I wish I had read your thread yesterday.

Exactly the same thing happened to my child 2 years ago. Everyone told me to delete her wattsapp, which I refused to do, but she blocked the 3 perpetrators.

I screenshotted the worst of the messages, and sent them to:

The head, the pastoral lead, the head of yr7 for the 3 grammar schools involved, and also copied in my daughters.

There was a varied response from the schools, but one called the police.

The abuse stopped. They could have found another platform to get to her, but they didn't. However a 'response' Tik Tok by one of the girls was created "you mong, you think I care that I get to get a talking to. Everyone loves me, I'm clever and beautiful. You're still a mong"
This was distributed around, but I had a heads up about it and managed to intercept it so my dd didn't ever see it.

My dd has just started back at a small nurturing secondary in yr9 after having a long time out of school. This bullying will stay with her forever, but I'm so glad I got utterly mad.

Please do not go to their houses. E mail the school with screenshots.

I completely agree with other and I personally would not visit the other parents.

Things escalated with ds2 before we went to the police about the online bullying (we only went to the police after he was assaulted).

Once the police were involved with the online bullying they were excellent- they gave 'words of advice' to the other parties and emphasised the seriousness of the situation.

If we had of involved the police in the beginning he may not have been assaulted and we may not have been in the terrible situation we are in now.