I’ve been active on mn a while but have name changed for this post.
I have 3 dd ages 11, 9 and 7.
Their dad and I separated 5 years ago and we’ve lived apart and co parented ever since. We do 50/50 which has always worked well and the kids have always seemed happy.
We’ve both been in new relationships for the past 3 years.
Tonight I could hear inappropriate words in a rap song coming from my dd’s phone (bitches be sucking on my dick) I asked to see what she was looking at and it was an innocent TikTok video with this rap song over the top of it. She said her friend (a girl) had sent it to her and saved it in her phone. I said how inappropriate the words to the song was, she said she knew.
Anyway, dd’s are in bed now so I decided I’d delete the video from her phone. She’s always been happy for me to look in her phone before, she’s not tech savvy at all so would ask me to open up a new internet search page for her, or show her how to start a new message chat etc.
Anyway, I went into her camera roll and deleted the video. Then went into her deleted photos album so I could permanently delete it from there.
It was in the deleted album I then saw it.
2 videos. Both taken a month ago in what looks to be one of the bathrooms in my house by my daughter.
The phone appears to be propped on the floor up against the wall while she’s sat in front of it. Trousers and underwear down, pulling her vagina apart, touching herself.
The second video is of her crotch, this time with her trousers on but clearly her hand is down her trousers/underwear and she’s touching herself.
Both are less than a minute long.
I haven’t been able to bring myself to watch either with the sound on yet so I don’t know if that might shed any light on things.
I don’t know what to do. I would never ever have expected this. I probably sound like a cliche, but she’s the sweetest, quietest, girl. She’s a very young 11. Started secondary school in September but is one of the youngest. But she’s not only young in terms of age, but in terms of how she acts too, she’s almost babyish in some ways. And so innocent - or so I thought.
As far as I know school has been going well and at the moment has stuck mainly with the same group of girls that moved up from her primary school so not been mixing all that much with many new kids yet. But there’s no denying she was at a primary school with a total of 120 kids in it, to a secondary with 1200 kids in it. The primary school was a tiny village school, probably all very sheltered and innocent in comparison to what she probably sees and hears others talking about at secondary.
But I’m still so shaken. How did she even know about this sort of stuff. I know they do sex education so she’ll be aware of things, but this?
At home she’s just like a typical little girl, loves drawing, arts, crafts, making things, barbies, loves animals etc. she’s so good. Don’t get me wrong me and her dad have both experienced her lazy preteen attitude coming out on occasion, and stropiness every now and then, but I’d have said she was a typical 11yo girl.
What do i do? How do I handle this?
I’ve been through her phone with a fine tooth comb, looked at all message chats to see if these videos have been shared/sent to anyone. They haven’t been. Checked internet history, nothing inappropriate there. She doesn’t have any social media or email etc.
If I bring this up with her, how do I even begin? She will be utterly mortified and embarrassed knowing I’ve seen them. I’m even worried that it may alter our relationship beyond repair. If I think back to when I was younger, if my mum had had to bring something like that up with me, I don’t think I’d have ever felt the same around her. I can’t bear to think of her not feeling comfortable around me.
But I just don’t know what to think. Could it be that she’s just starting to experiment with herself?
I feel sick, physically sick. Not that she might just be growing up etc, but the thought that perhaps there’s something more sinister to it all, although I’m not sure what.
Please help. Im sorry if this is rambled.