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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Original poster

Single dad 12 year old period

37 replies

Harryy · 22/03/2019 07:56

I think my 12 year old came in her period sorting the washing out this morning there was some underwear screwed up in the washing machine with a little bit off blood on. She also woke up this morning saying she's doesn't feel well and can't go to school.

How do i deal with this? Trying to talk to her isn't easy she gets so moody and just screams, shouts chucks things at me.

OP posts:
FruitCider · 22/03/2019 07:58

Has she got sanitary products?

Georgiemcgeorgeface · 22/03/2019 08:02

You need to have a supportive talk to her to ensure she understands what's happening. She might feel frightened about it all.

Reters · 22/03/2019 08:05

Buy her some products.

AuditAngel · 22/03/2019 08:07

Tricky, does she have an aunt or older girl cousin she might talk to?

OR, bite the bullet, accept you’ll both be embarrassed, but mention what you saw in the laundry, offer to take her shopping for what she needs, or offer to go on your own I feel she writes down what she needs.

Not got to this stage yet with DD1

anniehm · 22/03/2019 08:10

Buy a packet of "regular with wings" towels and a pack of panty liners. Online look for a period starter pack which has information as well as a variety of products. It's often very light for the first 2-3 cycles but once established buying a couple of packs of towels each month and putting in her room or in the bathroom cupboard will save her struggling to ask you. Alternatively another single dad I know upped his DD's pocket money so she could choose the products with her friends mum as she felt better doing it with a woman (do you have a female friend/sister who could talk to her?)

Darayan20 · 22/03/2019 08:18

Talk to her can be something else if she gets upset and moody

Ella1980 · 22/03/2019 08:24

If your daughter hasn't got any female relatives, could you mention it quietly to a lady teacher at her school? I remember my dad having a discreet word with a teacher at my school I got on very well with and she said that if I needed to chat or leave lessons etc then that was cool. I found it really reaasuring ☺

Original poster
Harryy · 22/03/2019 09:28

Thank you! I told her I know what's going on and when she's ready she can talk to me

I've kept her off school for the moment

OP posts:
Wallywobbles · 22/03/2019 09:36

Lots of things to be done to make it a bit less awful. But your wallet is going to take a bit of a hit.

She needs a discrete small bag or tin for a couple in her school bag.

Get a starter pack or two.

Have a very matter of fact talk about it. Try and make it more of a good thing than a bad thing!

Ask her what she wants to do re:buying herself, you buying or ordering online. Up her pocket money. Buy some period pants they are a god send frankly, but very costly. I'd say get six pairs.

This is probably going to need to be an on going conversation, as what they start with will not be the same as what they opt for in the long run.

In the longer run there are lots of better ecological options, but I'd get started first before I went down that road.

Does she do a lot of sports? Because that will need to be taken into consideration. Sport or exercise really helps with period pains.

And while we are on embarrassing subjects take her for a bra fitting!

Original poster
Harryy · 22/03/2019 17:50

I've got 2 girls my wallet is always empty lol. It took her a while to tell me but she agree'd to go shopping with my sister for some bit as she doesn't have any. I wasn't expecting this for a good while if I'm honest!

She does ballet on Monday after school and doesn't want to go if she's still on. She doesn't want to bath or shower as she worried (not sure why she won't say)

OP posts:
ChittyChittyBoomBoom · 22/03/2019 17:57

She’s perhaps worried that she’ll leak blood in the bath. Please reassure her that she may do but it should only be a small amount.

My dd who’s 12 uses these as thryreva bit slimmer than pads designed for women www.boots.com/lil-lets-teens-day-ultra-towels-with-wings-14-pack?cm_mmc=bmm-buk-google-ppc--PLAs--(GB:Whoop!)+Lil-lets-_-(GB:Whoop!)+Boots+Shopping+-+Category+-+Toiletries+-+Tablet&utm_source=bmm-buk-google&utm_medium=ppc&utm_campaign=(GB:Whoop!)+Boots+Shopping+-+Category+-+Toiletries+-+Tablet&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI-c_DnKmW4QIVqL_tCh2KGAmiEAQYASABEgJO6fD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

AdoraBell · 22/03/2019 17:58

Other than the good advice you’ve already got here, if she is worried about making bath towels/bed sheets etc stained just tell her it’s not a problem. If it does happen then soak the towel/clothes in cold water with a shed load of cheap table salt, rinse it through with cold water and repeat if necessary.

Well done organising her to shop with her aunt 👍

elephantoverthehill · 22/03/2019 18:02

I recommend buying her some black knickers, size 6 in Tesco Wink

SmallFastPenguin · 22/03/2019 18:10

Tell her not to be embarrassed to talk to you as its nothing to be embarrassed about but you know it can be awkward to get used to and painful so you are there to support her.

Seeline · 22/03/2019 18:10

Also make sure you have bins in the toilets, preferably ones with lids to keep things a bit more private. Used pads can be wrapped in the old wrapper and binned, or you can get packs of disposal bags in chemists/supermarkets.
My DD has spare pads, spare pants, disposal bags and wet wipes in a small make up bag that she takes to school/out and about ' just in case'.
Paracetamol is fine for period pain. A hot water bottle is nice too.

AdoraBell · 22/03/2019 19:56

Good idea re the bin Seeline. I forgot about that.

Harry make sure she knows not to flush the pads. And put a spare loo roll within reach of the toilet. One of DDs gets through mountains of loo roll in addition to lots of pads, every time. So get lots of pads too in case her periods become heavy. You can frequently find pads on offer in supermarkets or Boots.

When periods starts they aren’t always regular, that can take time to settle, so put a spare packet of pads in the bathroom/her room and disregard that when you/she/auntie buy another packet.

Original poster
Harryy · 22/03/2019 20:23

Thank you for all the advice! Have tried talking to her about it's fine to bath/shower etc. She just tells me I know nothing about what she's going through which ok she's correct as I don't have this problem

OP posts:
ABC1234DEF · 22/03/2019 20:28

Could you get her some black towels? 2 should be sufficient if you're able to keep on top of the laundry.

I also think be honest with her:
"No I don't know what's going on, this is all new to me and I need you to teach me how I can help you"

elephantoverthehill · 22/03/2019 22:25

Harryy I think you are well motivated for broaching this subject and I applaud you but it is not a problem it's just a normal fact of life for 50% ish of the population.

Darayan20 · 22/03/2019 22:41

Bless you dad ask a female friend or your sister or her best friends mum to talk to her we certainly don't want to talk about it to daddy or even mum I have the chance to have an older sister and made her promise to don't tell mum can't tell why i was scared to tell my mum but I was weird thinking about it now I don't want my daughter to feel the same

Original poster
Harryy · 22/03/2019 22:42

I can get some black towels for her washing in this house isn't a problem it's pretty much gets done each day

OP posts:
TheCanyon · 22/03/2019 22:58

don't but her pads with wings, they are do fucking uncomfortable. I do believe that there are 'teen' pad ranges available nowadays. Buy them, and fifty million other small ones and small tampons for good measure.

Don't be embarrassed is the most important thing, try be confidant that you'll work with her to find the right thing.

olderthanyouthink · 22/03/2019 23:00

Skip ballet this time maybe but she'll need to figure out how to deal with her period for it eventually, she should talk to the other girls to see how they cope.

Given that she only wears tights and leotard? She'll need to use tampons or a menstrual cup probably as a towel will show and needs knickers.

Btw there's a company that make period pants to help stop leaks (wish I had this at school) but they also make Leotards (only in black, so maybe no good for the schools rules) www.dearkates.com/collections/dance

Original poster
Harryy · 22/03/2019 23:17

I'd see what we can do about ballet I'm not embarrassed about it think I'm more worried as know she could get pregnant! I was nearly 18 when she was born. Still a long way to go i know but it can happen anytime from now.

She isn't one to talk to me anymore and our relationship together has really gone downhill since i lost my wife/her mum. It's a difficult time

OP posts:
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