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Preteens

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Original poster

Does anyone read their child's text messages

29 replies

Icantfindausername · 11/12/2018 23:06

Hi
I check my daughters text messages every few days just to make sure no bullying or anything going on (she's 12) does anyone else do this and do you ever read things which are difficult to deal with? x

OP posts:
theconstantinoplegardener · 11/12/2018 23:19

I read my 11-year-old's messages. I think you have to, really - all the online safety workshops at school etc that I've attended have said that parents must check. I've seen some things that have surprised me, but no upsetting content so far. However most of the messages seem to be in abbreviations/teenspeak that I don't understand, so a lot might be getting past me.

reluctantbrit · 12/12/2018 08:08

I do but not daily. I did it more often when DD was quite upset for a while and wanted to make sure there are no issues. I do tell her and if I find something, even if it is just unkind working we talk about it.

We encouraged her to give numbers to people she really spend time with, not just everybody in her form. Luckily the school is good in trying to get the younger ones away from WhatsApp, so after the initial “everyone has it” died down DD only uses text.

SenoritaViva · 15/12/2018 11:59

I do sometimes but they’re awfully dull Grin

If I see anything I talk to her about it.

Almahart · 15/12/2018 12:02

Yes of course. It’s a condition of him having a phone that we can check on it

tarheelbaby · 17/12/2018 11:34

Certainly. I think DD11 rather expects it. She charges her phone in the dining room overnight so I can have a gander any time but I don't very often because it's all pretty boring. Remember those endless phone convo's: hey, whassup, nothin'. It seems they're standard for the age irregardless of generation.

Over the summer before yr7, her village friends had a WhatsApp crisis with lots of horrible messages on their leavers group. She is not on WhatsApp so did not see anything but other kids talked about it and some parents got a surprise about their 'little angels'.

Dimsumlosesum · 17/12/2018 11:37

The police woman, who came to my son's school to discuss online safety, says it's necessary to check your children's smart devices, laptops, gaming consoles etc. Some children more than others need it more. It's for their own safety.

CherryPavlova · 17/12/2018 11:51

We absolutely checked text messages and social media. It was a rule of providing the phones and internet access. There were several occasions in mid teens we were very glad that we did.

Unusualusernames · 18/12/2018 18:42

Yes I check my 12 year old’s and it’s a condition of her having the phone. I worry a lot about whether I should but overall I feel it’s the right thing to do.

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 18/12/2018 18:45

Yes, it’s a condition of him having it.

BooHasAPressieForYou · 18/12/2018 18:48

Yes. I have her Roblox password and check that too.
Came in handy when she was accused at primary of bullying a girl on there from her class. She never plays upstairs and sits right in front of me so I can keep an eye out it. There had been no messages and school apologised. Girl later admitted to them she didn't even know DDs account name on there.

BrieAndChilli · 18/12/2018 18:52

Likewise we check here, it’s always been like that and isn’t an issue. Copies of all emails sent and received also go to DH, I check texts every now and then but DS1 is boring as hell as the most he’s ever sent is about 2 words!! We don’t have connectivity online with the consoles (we would let him not he’s never asked) and we monitor online stuff. Kids have always been taught never to post anything on the internet and to let us know if anyone tries to befriend them eg on Skype (which they only use when down at MILs in the summer on their tablets)
No whatapp or instagram yet but DD is getting a phone for xmas so I am anticipating some requests as she’s far more social than DS1

SuperMommy63 · 07/04/2019 07:29

I watched my ds13 put in his password so I can (secretly) get in his phone. I have found some pretty shocking and age-inappropriate things, but since this thread is about messages. He talks a lot about sex or inappropriate things. Talks about very bad music that hurts my ears. I want to yell at him but then he'd just be more sneaky and I want to continue to read his messages.

MeltingWax · 07/04/2019 07:42

Yes, I check my DD's phone daily (she's 12, in Year 7 and has had a smartphone phone since Christmas) - texts, WhatsApp & interent use. She knows I do this. I have had to talk to her about chain messages - there seem to be a lot of that kind of nonsense being sent around. She had an Instagram account for about a month and then I asked her to delete it as I wasn't happy with what I could see on there.

SlidingDoor · 07/04/2019 07:45

We do and I have my 12 year old’s instagram account of my phone so I can see what she posts and what messages are sent (she used Instagram for messaging more Han she uses text etc). I don’t think this thread is representative though as very few of her friend’s parents check their accounts, I seem to be alone in doing it, which is a shame as lots of kids send awful stuff and are also on their phones all bloody night.

TitsalinaBumSquash · 07/04/2019 08:18

I say to my children with phones (12 and 14) that part and parcel of having a phone is that I reserve the right to check it at any given time, I only do if I get an inkling something is going on, otherwise I don't tend too, luckily my kids so far have show zero interest in social media and the only people they text is me! Hmm
Phones for them are portable YouTube players and portable games consoles.

Momsquad · 15/04/2019 18:54

@supermommy63 I’m sorry but that is not a good way to handle the situation. If you go through your kids texts, make sure they know you do. It will make your kid see it less as “my mom is sneaking through my phone!!1!” And more of “my mom is making sure I’m not doing anything bad with my phone.” I’m speaking from personal experience as a teenager who talked to my mom about going through my phone constantly behind my back.

typoqueen · 29/04/2019 22:49

i check my DD 12 phone every day, she did have a few nasty texts from a boy who liked her but she was not interested started calling her a spastic (she only has one hand) and a lesbian, but seeing her replies i now know she can handle herself :)

TwigTheWonderKid · 29/04/2019 22:53

Yes, I check my 13 yo DS's phone sporadically.

bellinisurge · 30/04/2019 14:10

I do sporadically. I ask her intermittently if all is ok. An issue arose recently. She volunteered the info. We agreed an approach. She was happy with how we approached it.

BackInTime · 30/04/2019 15:25

Yes I check my DCs phones and social media and I believe parents that do not keep an eye on their kids online activities are being irresponsible. I have explained to them that it is for their safety and so that I can guide them if there are any issues going on. Sometimes there are group chats with kids at school that start off ok and then there are arguments or some kids being nasty - they need advice on how to deal with these things, to know when to leave a group and when to involve an adult.

sexymom24 · 30/04/2019 15:30

i have my dd phone password and i thought that i would give her some space over the last month and wouldn't check any messages. however i was so upset to check it this morning only to find that she has been sending rather inappropriate messages to her male friends. what should i do?

Original poster
Icantfindausername · 18/05/2019 11:26

@sexymom24
It dept Da on the contents of the messages to be honest. I think if really quite bad I would have to say I'd either seen them or been told about them x

OP posts:
Pipandmum · 18/05/2019 11:38

I do not check my children’s phone. But they are perfectly happy to lend me their phones so I could easily. At one time my son (15) borrowed my phone for a few days and so I could see that when his footie team were losing or winning things got a bit heated on Snapchat but other than that pretty tame. My daughter (14) doesn’t do social media she just texts a very small circle of friends and when she lost her phone for a week didn’t really care. My son does snapchat and insta. My home security blocks gambling/porn/violent sites but I know YouTube is very hard to block. There is a time when you have to respect their privacy. However if I did think there was something going on I would ask to see it. My kids tend to tell me everything (my son sometimes too frank in what he discusses with me!! My daughter usually waits til she gets upset about something then talks to me) so no worries so far. I’m not naive - anyone who thinks there teenage son hasn’t seen porn is fooling themselves.

lljkk · 18/05/2019 11:46

No. I don't. DD's mate got very cunning about deleting any msgs she knew her mom would disapprove of, to avoid grief & hassle. I ended up having to help sort out a load of hassle in the girl's life b/c she could never ask her parents for the help. I have other strategies to keep good comms going with DC that don't involve me monitoring all their communication.

Original poster
Icantfindausername · 18/05/2019 12:52

@lljkk can you share any good tips that work for you? If I ask questions my daughter just clamps up and thinks I'm being nosy x

OP posts:
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