Is there something wrong with my DD?

[Ziggzagg]

She's 12.

She's always been a little bit eccentric but it's getting more obvious as she gets older. Here's some examples-

-She won't eat odd numbers of food (pizza slices/chips) she stormed out the house the other day because someone had eaten one slice of her pizza and she couldn't eat an odd number of slices
-She overreacts to things normal people would brush off
-She gets obsessed with different things (bands/ TV programs) usually what different friendship groups are into (she's currently into Marvel but has never shown an interest before- she has a good friend who is into it)
-She tends to be oblivious to people's emotions/feelings and would not show much empathy (for example DHs niece died yesterday and DD said why should I be upset I don't know her)
-She doesn't wipe her backside after a number 2- sick of shitty smelly knickers and sometimes she won't change them despite me telling her to
-I have to stand over her in mornings telling her what to do next or she will just sit there staring into space
-She is so unorganized (always forgets something, her bag, phone, bus money)
-She is doing quite well at a really good school and does dance as an extra curricular activity

I do love her and she is a wonderful child but I'm becoming more worried about her as she gets older and more issues pop up.

Please tell me this will pass or if anything sounds familiar I could do with some advice.

Thanks for reading.

i would be very concerned, they examples you mentioned seem unusual to me. i would start by seeing a gp. like this at 12...the later teen years will be very difficult without further help.

-She won't eat odd numbers of food - could be indicative of something behavioural. Has she always been like this or is it new?
-She overreacts to things normal people would brush off - age and hormones.
-She gets obsessed with different things different friendship groups are into - age and hormones
-She tends to be oblivious to people's emotions/feelings - again possibly a red flag. Did she understand why DH was sad? It can be complicated for kids to understand being sad about osmeone they've never met
-She doesn't wipe her backside - have yiu asked her why? I'd be worried about the taunting at scho tbh
-I have to stand over her in mornings - age and hormones
-She is so unorganised - possibly age bad hormones, could indicate something like dyspraxia

By and large I'd just watch for now. Does she cry at movies? Would she comfort you of you were sad?

Ask your GP to refer her to be assessed for autism.

She might be on the autism/ aspergers spectrum. They vary in severity so not always obvious. Like Hootie said perhaps have a chat with yr gp or contact an organistion that deals with either for advice. Diagnosis takes a long time so might be better sooner than later. for you.

Thank you for your replies everyone. I kind of knew what the answers might be but was hoping someone would say it's totally normal and she will suddenly change and wipe her arse!!

Thank you for your replies everyone. I kind of knew what the answers might be but was hoping someone would say it's totally normal and she will suddenly change and wipe her arse!!. Sorry OP but most do realise in High School that smelling just isn’t cool. Even our rather skanky DD is starting to get the hang of being clean but we’ve had to be quite strict, explaining what level of hygiene is expected by society, clean underwear, no BO, clean teeth and hair brushed and if she doesn’t comply, she doesn’t get to take part in activities or social events.

I do encourage good hygiene and provide toiletries etc but she just won't do it unless I'm stood over her- maybe that's what I'll have to do and hope the embarrassment changes her ways?

What’s your gut feeling on all of this?

I just feel it's a bit more than pure laziness, I feel she just doesn't get it iyswim?

Not too keen on getting her labeled either so just need to put the hard work in until she does get it

Showing empathy, self reliance and toilet hygiene are very important social skills without which she would struggle in transition to independent, adult life.

The fact she has no self awareness of the importance of these things would worry me.

What is her friendship group like?

Have you googled ASD in girls?
That would be my suspicion. Ask for an assessment.

Will she use wet wipes?

Not too keen on getting her labeled either

Rethink that one. If she had a painful leg you'd want to know if it was broken or just cramp so you could seek appropriate treatment.

Is she coordinated? Tie laces / accident prone? Lack of empathy / poor social skills may be linked with dyspraxia - there is quite a good tick box exercise online, will see if I can find it.

Sounds very similar to my 11 year old DD, who is being assessed for ADHD and ASD currently. Her mood swings and aggressive outbursts have been present since she was a tot though.

A lot of her ways are the same as my son's, he's 15 now, he was always a bit different, and tricky. At 11 he was diagnosed with mild autism, and dyspraxia, the dyspraxia means he is unable to process or retain information, he takes things very literally, have to be very precise, he is however very very hygienic, sometimes has 3 showers a day.... u would def get her checked out...

Sounds potentially like ASD in a girl. Individually, other than perhaps the not wiping, everything else could have less significance but when it’s altogether I would have significant concerns.

I appreciate that you “don’t want her labelled” but I don’t think that these issues will go away and your dad may well stand out more from her peers as she gets older. Diagnosis, if appropriate, would give her a sense of understanding of herself and would help others to understand why her perspective on social norms is different.

I don’t have answers but have concerns (some similar, some not) with my DD9....am about (psyching myself up) to contact an ed psych privately....my theory is I’d rather be told she’s just awkward than there was something I could do to help. Has your dd made friends? Mine, although pretty good with adults, just doesn’t seem to have any connection with her contemporaries....

Have you googled ASD in girls?
That would be my suspicion. Ask for an assessment

The OP doesn't want her labelled, which is silly really because labels mean early intervention.

For the minute though having an ASD kid myself there's no harm on treating her like she has autism. It'll make life more comfortable her and give you a guide.

My son's 11 and after visiting the bathroom I give him a baby wipe to use discreetly and stick straight into the kitchen bin. It's ingrained now.

You'll need to stand over her as you have resigned yourself too but I really would get her assessed before she gets any older.

Definitely a bit Aspergers/ spectrummy. With the right support and input, she’ll thrive I imagine.
My friend’s DD was diagnosed at 14 and it was as if a real weight lifted from her. She finally made sense to herself. It was like she finally found the missing jigsaw piece and she blossomed. She didn’t ‘change’.She improved in areas where she needed support and the diagnosis gave her permission to understand herself better, if that makes sense.

To be bluntly honest it sounds like teenage behaviour to me /: can honestly and embarrassingly admit most of these applied to me and my siblings. Looking back it's awful and my poor mother, but we're all mentally normal.

my OH is a grown man has nothing wrong with him but doesn't like odd numbers on things like volume or heating settings. Doesn't mean he's autistic does mean I know how to push his buttons when he's annoyed me

here

I understand what you mean about being labelled. I spoke with our school nurse about a possible diagnosis for my DC but the response (in our case) was a referral to occupational therapy which wasn't appropriate / required. DC would have had the "label" but without any benefit. If you do go down the route of trying to get a diagnosis, see if you can determine what help your DD would get / would need first.

One of my autistic children was very late to wipe their own bum.
It can be a sensory issue of not being able to feel whether its clean or not instinctively. Or it can be the texture of toilet paper.

Wet wipes do help, as does a bidet. Extra soft loo roll

What does 'mentally normal' look like out of interest?

And to anyone who starts saying I'm minimising anything, I'm not and if you're highly concerned, of course go and see a go