Reported to social services!!

[rabbitrabbit12]

I confiscated DDs phone last night after she came back from her dad's because she was acting weird and was very distant. She wasn't very talkative this morning so we had a bit of a row, then this morning I had a call off SS reported from the school with my daughter saying I've smacked her legs!!!! I never touched her! She told them I had been drinking - I had one glass of wine with dinner. I'm so shocked, they now want to investigate me?!?

[InsomniacAnonymous]

It doesn't sound very good that, having been sent to the pastoral manager because she was visibly upset, your daughter was faced with anger from the pastoral manager. How is that in any way helpful or appropriate?

[Willow2017]

I would be having words with the pastoral care teacher. Putting words in kids mouths is a big no no when dealing with potential abuse. This is the first thing you learn in safeguarding.

[Qvar]

Hmmmmm I wouldn't go in guns blazing, certainly a child that age is very adept at redirecting parental anger and who HASN'T hear "So and so MADE me do it!" from a kid?

[Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar]

That isn't in her defence at all, actually. Words put in her mouth indeed . She's playing you for a total idiot, pastoral care professionals don't get angry with the people they're trying to help, and they don't put words in their mouths.

[Tralalee]

She's mugging you off. Sorry.

[Tawdrylocalbrouhaha]

Yes, I'm afraid she has learned nothing here. She was pointing the finger at you, now she's pointing it at her pastoral care teacher...

[namechange2222]

I find it hard to believe that a professional made her state that you had slapped her legs. That’s quite a specific allegation.
I have a feeling this is only the beginning of false allegations

[mummyhaschangedhername]

I honestly don't believe someone in that position would do that, when you have training to do with safeguarding you have to be really really careful to not make suggestions or lead the conversation at all as it can affect the entire case. I think your daughter was angry, made the whole thing up and now is backtracking and blaming the teacher. I would definitely not be rushing up the school making statements about what the teacher did, because frankly, how can you trust your daughter? She DID lie, so I would be careful defending everything she says until she earns your trust again. I certainly would not make comments about "in her defence".

However, kids make mistakes, she sounds like she is struggling with live split between her parents and that's understandable, but that doesn't excuse her behaviour. Make it clear you love her, but her behaviour has consequences and really serious ones in the case. What's her Dad saying about it all?

[youarenotkiddingme]

Sorry another who agrees your DD is making more stuff up.

Don't be harsh on her though I expect it's because she knows she's opened a can of worms with her original accusations and is only 12 and doesn't know how to rectify it. So now she's making more stuff exaggerated to try and get out of a hole.

Just reiterate lying gets a higher punishment than mistakes.

[Taylor22]

Liars lie.

[lakeshoreliving]

I would treat what your dd says about the disclosure with caution. It would seem more likely to me that your dd would try and pass the blame to someone else rather than pastoral care getting angry with her and pressuring her to make stuff up. I would question the school and not make assumptions at this point.

[AnnieAnoniMouse]

Have you solved the original issue of why she wanted to stay at her Dads instead of coming back to yours & why he said no?