Reported to social services!!

[rabbitrabbit12]

I confiscated DDs phone last night after she came back from her dad's because she was acting weird and was very distant. She wasn't very talkative this morning so we had a bit of a row, then this morning I had a call off SS reported from the school with my daughter saying I've smacked her legs!!!! I never touched her! She told them I had been drinking - I had one glass of wine with dinner. I'm so shocked, they now want to investigate me?!?

Bold fail there.

It wont go anywhere if you didnt do anything but confiscating her phone because she was acting 'weird and distant' isnt the best method and understandably she was hurt by this, she was obviously upset and needed your support and comforting not punishment

Of course you can take a phone of a 12 yo. How ridiculous to suggest you can't!

OP. You will probably find that at age 12 she is unlikely to be able to put together a believable story. Just hang in there and wait and see what she says to them.

NotSuchA Of course we,as parents,can confiscate phones if we see fit. Why on earth do say say we can’t?

she wouldn’t be getting the bloody thing back in a hurry.

Totally agree

Well you can't confiscate her phone because it's her phone.

I can only assume it's a particularly potent brand of glue...

Of course you can confiscate a childs phone, 12 or not she’s still a child.
Just the same as you can take away tv time/ outing/ toy etc...

I wouldn’t worry about being investigated, although it is shocking.

We normally have a close relationship, and she's normally ok when she's back from her dad's, me confiscating her phone I was suspicious she may have been talking to someone she shouldn't hence the quietness. I didn't expect her to lie to the school and SS to be involved.

And Op, girls of that age can frequently be weird and distant, mine still is at 18. She did threaten childline when she was younger, I told her to go ahead as I had nothing to hide.
If what you are saying is the truth then she’ll be mortified when it backfires on her.

Have you checked her phone OP? Just in case it isn't just issues regarding staying at her Dad's?

Registryofficepanic is your sister scapegoated by any chance?

Yes I checked I couldn't see anything but she has snapchat on there and I understand the messages delete themselves after reading? So held onto phone for the rest of the evening (she was going to bed anyway)

Why didnt you talk to her and try and find out why she was upset? Did you check the phone to see if she was talking someone she shouldnt.

I think all teenagers do this.

No they fucking don't.

Jesus, is there a particularly potent glue going round?

OnionKnight 😂

Bluesky has been helpful with this thread-but OP you haven't done anything wrong.
To be honest I would have checked the phone.
Have you spoken to her dad?

Of course you can take her phone. It’s ill advised to let kids have phones overnight anyway, SS will back you up on that.

I wonder if this is because NSPCC/Childline has just done a big campaign in schools? My sons came home singing the jingle the other day and they stuck a brochure to the fridge.
Hopefully they'll not think of reporting me for revoking iPad privileges.

She's 12, you've done the right thing, and any SS worker with any experience and nouse should be able to spot a child genuinely at risk, and they'll give her a dressing down for crying wolf. Sorry this has happened to you, rightly or wrongly you're probably in the system now.

I can tell you, if she was my daughter she would never see that phone again.

Op, please don't worry. She was very wrong to lie about you to the school, however as hard as it is, at the very least you know the school and as are acting exactly the way they should of a child was to be telling the truth.

Anyways, she is lying and SS will see this a lot. They have a duty to investigate unfortunately for yourself but just be honest with them (as you be having done nothing wrong) and they will finish their investigation and be on their way.

I used to be utterly terrified of SS due to their involvement of my removal from my mother as a child, however I had involvement from them last year thanks to my ExH assaulting my son and they were absolutely fantastic. They really were. Yes their priority is the welfare of children but they will see you haven't done anything wrong and may even offer support regarding your daughters feeling of being unwanted with her father.

Tawdry - amen sister ... not for a very long time!
Really awful behaviour. Poor OP!

(Totally agree there’s some weird glue around...)

You did the right thing. Taking her phone off her was sensible if she was acting weirdly. Not to punish, but to see if there was anything on it that would explain her change in attitude.

Try not to worry, SS will see through her nonsense.

If she was mine, she wouldn’t be getting the phone back and other privileges would be lost. She wouldn’t be going anywhere, other than school (or her Dad’s), without me. It doesn’t matter why she was pissed off, she’d be learning that lying to SS about me has serious repercussions. At 12 she’s plenty old enough to have known that.

When she does eventually get the phone back, make her give it to you every night before bed and make it abundantly clear what your new rules are.

What has her Dad said?

I used to confiscate my DDs' phones if they were naughty or odd. Too many opportunities for all sorts of stuff if they're in that mood.