aibu to have told my dd about periods?

[xmasadsboohiss]

so my little one is almost ten an has suddenly started developing breast buds and is complaining about feeling unwell with stomach ache etc. so rather than have her frightened if it happens, i told her tonight what a period was - in that it's blood every month but no more detail than that. now i feel awful because she got a bit upset. is it better for them to know? hate the idea of her being frightened by blood without knowing what it is.

My mum never told me about them. Got to 15 and I'd be ordering free samples from magazines. Never forgiven her. I'd loved to have known at 10!

Op, you haven't done anything wrong, and it doesn't sound like you have hang ups at all.

Fwiw, my mum NEVER talked to me about this stuff, so when I started my period at 13 (while babysitting), I didn't have anything with me. Thank god I didn't start at school!! I had stuff at home that I had collected from school, but nothing that she bought me. She told me I was dirty for using tampons too!! Then she sent me shopping for stuff with step dad (he didn't have kids of his own)

A good little book is "what's happening to me" which you can buy on the book depository. There are pink ones for girls, and blue for boys (I know, right!!) You might find she will start asking questions now, so just honest with her!

It's only too late when you haven't told her & she starts her periods!!

The SRE (sex and relationships) curriculum introduces many of these things at a much younger age now so being prepared is good. I don't think you can just be guided by her as you need to educate her properly & if you don't school will do it for too. There is a useful Usbournr book called "What's happening to me?" Which is useful.

OP, I think some people have been a bit hard on you. For what it's worth, I told my DD when she was 10 (possibly slightly under 10, but I think it was Year 5). I bought her a very basic book, too, about how her body will change. It might reassure you to know that about three-quarters of the mums of the girls in her class were a bit shocked that I had told her; they all thought it was a bit early (though did agree that my DD, being very tall and heavy, was likely to start her periods sooner than some of the others). DD, for her part, wasn't desperately keen to know. She became less squeamish about it when she started her periods aged nearly 13. In the meantime, I just started leaving pads/tampons in the bathroom cupboard, to 'normalise' it (had always kept them in my bedroom - and did manage to deal with periods discreetly when my DC were toddlers and insisted on following me to the loo!)

I told DS the basics when he was about 10, as a girl in his class had started and had told them all about it. I thought then that he would be better off with facts, rather than playground versions.

The Operation Ouch puberty special on cbbc is a good place to start op...very gentle explanation and can help start the conversation

My mum didn't say a thing to me about periods as she was too embarrassed to tell me.

I learnt about periods at school and was horrified when I started bleeding one morning aged 11. I was so horrified I couldn't even tell my mum.

DD is 2 soon and she's already seen me changing pads and tampons. Best to notmalise it from an early age.

Talk to her again and ask her why she was upset.
You need to keep the conversation going.

And my DS knew about periods from an early age too.

Sorry I didn't answer your Q OP. Just thought id share my experience.

I've told my DD all about it and she's three!! You need to have this all out in the open in my opinion. How did you get away with not telling her for so long? My daughter asked what tampons were for (she saw them in the bathroom) when she was two.

mine have known for ages as we have always chatted about it.

There are a couple of good books around, usbourne do one and so does the TV doctor Chris wahteverhisname is

Usbournes is called 'What's happening to me?' and there is a girls and boys version.

It is all about puberty, be warned it touches on some more teenage themes, but I think that it is totally suitable for a 10 year old. I bought mine each one of these and they have dipped in and out over the years.

also, just to reassure you, most girls get breast buds, some body hair and start to get a bit whiffy with BO between 8-10.
But most of them don't start their periods until 11-12.

There is usually 2 years from pubic hair appearing to first period apparently

I have never had “the talk” with mine. I’m a biologist though so they have always had free access to my biology textbooks, and they’ve had their own age appropriate “body” books since toddlers.

They come to me with questions every now and again, usually something they’ve heard at school, and we discuss and separate fact from myth.

My mum had a big deal talk with me about it all age 10. Just ridiculous. “Ladies bleed from their bottom”. The talk in year 6 at school was much more informative. After “the talk” everything became about periods- i was upset “it might be your hormones”- i had a stomach ache “it might be your periods”. Used to make me really angry that she never thought there might be another reason. Especially as i knew i had barely entered puberty (no pubic hair, no breast develepment etc) and would likely not start until 14- i was right, i started just short of 15.

I think she thought she was being open and liberal but I got really fed up of her buying sanpro, 4 years before I’d need it, talking about it, asking friends mums what they did about swimming etc.

My oldest is 12. She is only just starting to lay down a little pubertal fat and has very little breast development. I have sanitary product in the family bathroom (i don’t use them) for anyone who needs them and she has “sports bra’s- crop tops mainly for under a tee at gymnastics. But i won’t be doing more than that until she’s a bit more developed. She doesn’t like talking about it and i respect that. She knows i am here if she has questions.

I also think youve left it pretty late to start talking about puberty

You have left it pretty late, several of my classmates started by 10.

Also, your experience of 'mini periods' is not necessarily what she will have.

I had very heavy periods from the first. My DM thought i was just making a fuss until she finally realised when I was about 33 that I didn't have the short, light and painless periods she had.

My girls are 5 and 4 and they know about periods....

as MissWilmotts said - once mine started aged 12, they were proper full periods from day 1

My DS knew all about periods long before 10, as I didn't want him to think it was a weird, unnameable thing, so YABU for not having told her before!

If a girl who doesn't know all about periods finds blood in her knickers, she's going to freak out, think she's dying, etc etc, instead of realising it's a natural (if really annoying) part of growing up.

Thanks to everyone who"s replied.I'm leaving it until next week and we'll we'll talk again.

To be honest I felt last night as if I'd posted to say I don't bother feedng my kids!My lo is not ten yet and if she's like me (i realise she may not be) she's got a couple of years to go before periods arrive.Upset as I was last night, I'm now slightly mystified by the shrill implication in some posts that I have harmed her in some way by leaving it until now.

I'll go back to commune with my hang ups now, but I genuinely appreciate everyone who's taken the time to answer. Peace love and mums fucking up menarche.

I think that you are fine. Some children start as early as 10, so leaving it until you did you in theory ran the risk of them starting before you told her. However you were fine.

Good to find a book that covers things. Make sure you cover all the puberty changes.

Worthwhile putting together a pack for her PE kit / school rucksack 'just in case, you probably won't need these for ages'.

Worth revisiting topic every now and then.

No one was comparing it to not feeding your children. You're being ridiculous.
If you'd read the comments properly
Posters were saying how important it is to talk to children as early as possible in a child friendly way. Explaining changes in their bodies and making it normal. Not some awful thing that's going to happen to them.
That's how I felt as a kid. My parents told me nothing. I got second hand information from school friends(mostly wrong and horrifying) along with being at a catholic school
It's done now so talk to your dd again and tell her it's not the end of the world. Buy her a good puberty book and answer any questions she has in an honest way

I think people are concerned that you a) only told her part of what is necessary and b) expected her to be frightened.

Though I suppose unexplained blood is frightening.

Everyone brings their own hang ups to their parenting. Learning to aim off, so you're not passing them on, us all part and parcel of it.

Xmas I’ve not told my DD either and she’s 9 .... I’d beat get that conversation underway too
Bloody hell they grow up so quickly!

Well. I can't believe some of you left it til you were 2 to tell your kids about periods. Personally I talked to my pregnant bumps constantly about the reproductive system.

You haven't fucked up OP. It's hard with your eldest if you're being guided by them and they don't actually ask you about periods. It can kind of creep up on you. You don't sound remotely like you have hang ups to me. Just keep having little chats as and when, get some sanitary products in for her to keep in her room and get used to. She'll be fine. My kids school still doesn't do sex ed til year 6, and whilst I think personally that's a few years later than ideal it's not ridiculously late.

I live abroad but I found some really nice videos on Youtube that explained everything in an easy to understand way with nice animations that made it all seem lovely. I'm sure there must be something similar in English that might help. I found the Youtube videos easier for the kids to understand than books.