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Preteens

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Original poster

aibu to have told my dd about periods?

106 replies

xmasadsboohiss · 09/10/2017 22:18

so my little one is almost ten an has suddenly started developing breast buds and is complaining about feeling unwell with stomach ache etc. so rather than have her frightened if it happens, i told her tonight what a period was - in that it's blood every month but no more detail than that. now i feel awful because she got a bit upset. is it better for them to know? hate the idea of her being frightened by blood without knowing what it is.

OP posts:
Ketzele · 09/10/2017 23:15

And now I'm vom-worthy Grin. Well, obviously I disagree - I think periods are normal and natural, and not at all disgusting. I wouldn't do it now because my older children like and need more privacy, and not to see my nethers, but when they were tiny they didn't care and I think it was rather good for them to see that women do bleed and it's not a big deal.

Ketzele · 09/10/2017 23:17

Seriously, though, think about what you're saying there - that for a toddler to see her mum change a tampon makes you want to vomit? That's quite a strong reaction, isn't it?

Naughty1205 · 09/10/2017 23:23

10 is young, seriously, children don't need to know this at 2 years of age! Dd is 6.5 and she's been to toilet with me for years but she has never seen me change a pad. Given that I was 15 starting mine I think I have time. Let them be children! OP I think you are a great mum Flowers

CoffeeChocolateWine · 09/10/2017 23:24

Ketzele, tbh I had thought you meant that you still change your tampon in front of your now older children, which I admit I do find disgusting. Yes, periods are normal and natural but you wouldn't do it in front of any other human being (I hope) so why do it in front of your children?

But if we are talking about a toddler then that is different as needs must and they are little limpits at that age.

Westworld · 09/10/2017 23:26

Watch some of those mothers giving birth programmes together and work backwards.

Omg - I'm 41 and only can just about manage to watch those programs now - 2 kids later 😂
Why would you put a 10 year old through that??? Insane.

pp2017 · 09/10/2017 23:27

please guys i don't have hang ups and i didn't make a big deal of it. quite the contrary. i just don't want to upset her. i was hoping for a bit of friendly advice - not a slagging off by people who don't know me. she my eldest and it's unknown territory for me.

Please don’t let some of the pps upset you @xmasadsboohiss - I might be in the minority here but I absolutely don’t agree with all these people flaming you for “leaving it too late”.

What’s wrong with letting kids be kids? Why can’t we be led by them and talk to them about such things when they seem ready (ie they start showing an interest and asking)? Why the rush to push them into adulthood and force them to have these discussions when they may not be ready?

I recently had “the talk” with DS because he had started to show signs that he knew (or had an idea) and he was initially very upset, there were tears and he didn’t want to talk about it further.... a bit like your DD. But I gave him a week or so and broached the subject again, mainly to make sure he was ok, and he was fine, we talked some more and even laughed a bit...

Maybe try the same tactic with your DD, give her a few days for it to sink in and for her to calm down then raise the subject again.

☺️

BWatchWatcher · 09/10/2017 23:28

I too think the OP needs a break.
Every child is different and 10 is not late. Yeesh.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 09/10/2017 23:29

Why do you think they stop being kids ? So a 9 year old who gets their period is no longer a child? Of course they are.

EasterRobin · 09/10/2017 23:33

My 2-year old knows about periods as she asks what the sanitary products are and sees me using them (and occasionally a bit of blood). Since she's a girl, it makes sense for her to know about them. I guess I also learnt early from my mum so this seems very normal to me to discuss. 10 seems pretty late to start but at least you can talk her through everything now.

GetYourRosariesOffMyOvaries · 09/10/2017 23:35

My 6 year old has known for as long as I can remember, I'd say you left it too late and that's why it's upset her. Normalising is definitely best but just normalise from now. Goo luck!

Migraleve · 09/10/2017 23:48

i didn't get a chance to say anymore because she started crying.

Surely then that was more of a reason to continue with the talk? To put her mind at rest!

Crumbs1 · 10/10/2017 07:42

I admit to finding the notion that children knowing about their bodies stops childhood precipitously. Does potty training or learning to read do the same? Knowledge handled as blandly as why the chicken you cook doesn't have feathers actually allows childhood to continue without fear or anxiety based on playground whispering.
How do women change sanitary wear with a toddler in tow without them seeing? I'm genuinely confused. Does child have to stand facing away with face pressed against the lavatory door?
How have these women managed to escape the joys of tampon mice squeaking across chairs in school assembly, waiting rooms or church?
I don't understand how children can avoid seeing. Even I grew up knowing as I had older sisters and my mother had periods. In a small house it was impossible not to know - and my mother was about as repressed as they come.

Agoddessonamountaintop · 10/10/2017 07:46

What are 'little mini periods' op? Never heard that before.

dementedpixie · 10/10/2017 07:50

Dd never had little mini periods either, she went straight to proper ones. The car is a good place to have conversations as you have a captive audience with no eye contact required

dementedpixie · 10/10/2017 07:53

If it had been introduced gradually over the last few years it wouldn't have been such a big deal. How does knowledge take away childhood?

Agoddessonamountaintop · 10/10/2017 08:00

Only time my periods were relatively mini was when I was on the pill, not when I was pubescent. (I wish).

scoobyloobyloo · 10/10/2017 08:01

Hey OP, you sound like a lovely mum. Ten is a little late but it’s not a big deal at all, just chat with her about it as and when.

As for you having hang ups, I wouldn’t listen to someone on a forum who has an opinion on you. You know yourself much better. There seems to be so much more judgement of others on here nowadays dressed up as advice and then outrage if anyone says lay off.

Take it all with a pinch of salt, answer questions if she asks and if she doesn’t, try having a gentle convo with her when you’re on your own together, maybe on a walk so it doesn’t seem intense?

Good luck, this mothering lark ain’t easy.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 10/10/2017 08:02

Ds has never seen me change a tampon as I've used a mooncup for years. He never wanted to come in the toilet with me and tbh I wouldn't have encouraged it anyway, don't think there's anything wrong with having 2 mins to pee by yourself.

sweetface · 10/10/2017 08:02

I believe that there are many books in the library which can help. Sometimes referred to as "Books on Prescription". Means that you can share appropriate and relevant, factual information with your child. May seem more real, and less scary when sharing information from a book.

Seems parents have such huge Responsibilities in regards to their children. Also maybe by being so ken to do "The Right Thing, The Right Way, Timing" etc. Maybe we are too critical of ourselves. Well Done in your attempt /s. It is likely by future talks with your Dear Daughter (dd) that you may learn what her thoughts are on the topic of 'periods', etc.
Best Wishes!

DropZoneOne · 10/10/2017 08:03

@xmasadsboohiss

I bought my DD the Usborne book "what's happening to me ". We read parts of it together and other parts she read by herself and then we talked about. She was a bit upset by periods too, her concerns were about handling it at school, so I bought the lilets teen starter pack. She looked through the contents, decided she preferred the idea of pads to tampons and I've put a little bag in her school bag.

She's 9, developing breasts and her emotions are wild! So I wanted to be prepared. She swings between excited and nervous.

Hulababy · 10/10/2017 08:03

I'm surprised she didn't already know.
Dd had puberty talks at school in y4 with the basics and more detail in y5. We had already spoken to her at home before both of them and she had a couple of books about growing up.

She showed signs of puberty from about 8y and started her periods at 10y so it's a good job she already knew.

holdthewine · 10/10/2017 08:06

As someone upthread said, don’t fret PP we all learn the facts of life in different ways and at different stages. I’m an older generation and was told nothing except in the playground. By the time my mother tried to show me pads (or great big Dr White’s sanitary towels as they were then) I knew it already and stopped her. It was cringe.
But I survived unscathed!

I must admit I handled everything completely differently with my own kids. Tampon boxes were never hidden and it was treated much the same as poo, something which happens. I remember sharing a hotel room with DS when he was on a 10th birthday treat and got some blood on a towel. He said “oh you’ve got that thing” and that was it. Same with sex, we started off with “special hugs” and tried to make that matter of fact too.

The main thing is not to make her think it is something to fear which hiding it may suggest. Maybe leave the tampons box where she and her siblings can see it in the bathroom and good idea about taking her shopping for supplies. It’s usually 6 months after breast development and once they’re approaching their adult height in my experience (4 daughters). Mine were all late 14/15 so relieved to start.

I do know one girl who didn’t cope at all and found it traumatic. She started in the holidays before secondary though. My best friend started at 9 in the early 1960s and thought she was dying!

OnlyGodKnowsWhy · 10/10/2017 08:06

My DD’s knew about periods from a young age, I’ve always acted like it’s the very normal thing it is. They saw pads and tampons, knew I got a bit grumpy and sore.

DD1 started her period last week. She is 12. She has been carrying a pad and spare knickers in her bag for about two years. I also gave her advice about what to do in a ‘period emergency’ so where to get pads from, how to hide an accident by tying jumper around waist and the old toilet roll pad trick.

SpaghettiAndMeatballs · 10/10/2017 08:18

My sons have been in the toilet while I was changing tampon/cup - frankly it's hard to stop them if they decide they want a conversation with me!

Because they were worried that I was bleeding, of course I've told them what's going on - the 3 year old doesn't care, 6 year old knows that it's the womb lining flushing out because no baby is there. It's just practical knowledge, nothing for anyone to get het up about in my opinion.

treaclesoda · 10/10/2017 08:20

Well Done in your attempt /s. It is likely by future talks with your Dear Daughter (dd) that you may learn what her thoughts are on the topic of 'periods', etc.
Best Wishes!

I think this is possibly the most patronising post I've ever seen on mumsnet and I have been here for years.

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