aibu to have told my dd about periods?

[xmasadsboohiss]

so my little one is almost ten an has suddenly started developing breast buds and is complaining about feeling unwell with stomach ache etc. so rather than have her frightened if it happens, i told her tonight what a period was - in that it's blood every month but no more detail than that. now i feel awful because she got a bit upset. is it better for them to know? hate the idea of her being frightened by blood without knowing what it is.

[Purplepixiedust]

Another vote for the book ‘What’s happening to me’. They do a boys and girls version. My son has it and it’s brilliant. He found it really helpful to pull together the information he had picked up over the years. I bought it last year when he was 10. It covers all aspects of puberty.

[holdthewine]

Scottishretreat that’s exactly how I felt with my DM who was flushed and awkward and I knew it all from school already (or thought I did though lots of misinformation so foreknowledge would have been better!)

Also, OP all kids are different and one of my DDs was cringe makingly embarrassed about all things bodily from about 7. All the other 4 DC were open but she always wanted to be private and shut the bathroom door and we had to let her be her. She used to say did I have to be so bloody open. You can’t win as a parent! You just have to go with the flow no pun intended!

[differentnameforthis]

No one was comparing it to not feeding your children Op didn't say that anyone had compared it to her not feeding her kids. She said she felt like she had said that! because of the way everyone reacted towards her.

You are not reading the op's comments
You're being ridiculous.

[scottishretreat]

My mum never talked about these things, but I heard at school (unless you've specifically refused, she has probably seen some gentle intro films on all aspects of reproduction there too).
I got upset when my mum decided to have a talk with me (was about 11) because I felt awkward because she was clearly uneasy, and it seemed an unpleasant thing because she wasn't comfortable (she was trying to be comforting and chatty, and she wasn't normally that way, it was alarming!).

It definitely wasn't the information that upset me, I already knew all of that - your DD may just be uncomfortable because you don't normally talk about these things?

[speakout]

My 5 year olds have known about periods since they were 2. Mainly because they would follow me to the toilet and saw the blood, the truth was easier for them, than worrying about me bleeding.

Hubris- same here.
My toddlers ( boy and girl) would watch me change blood soaked pads, It was no big deal to them.They have grown up with the idea as simply being part of life.

[Shadow666]

Also, yes find a cute little zip-up pouch and put a small pack of wipes and some pads in for her to take to school. Maybe a spare pair of pants too.

[Shadow666]

I live abroad but I found some really nice videos on Youtube that explained everything in an easy to understand way with nice animations that made it all seem lovely. I'm sure there must be something similar in English that might help. I found the Youtube videos easier for the kids to understand than books.

[AuntLydia]

Well. I can't believe some of you left it til you were 2 to tell your kids about periods. Personally I talked to my pregnant bumps constantly about the reproductive system.

You haven't fucked up OP. It's hard with your eldest if you're being guided by them and they don't actually ask you about periods. It can kind of creep up on you. You don't sound remotely like you have hang ups to me. Just keep having little chats as and when, get some sanitary products in for her to keep in her room and get used to. She'll be fine. My kids school still doesn't do sex ed til year 6, and whilst I think personally that's a few years later than ideal it's not ridiculously late.

[flumpybear]

Xmas I’ve not told my DD either and she’s 9 .... I’d beat get that conversation underway too
Bloody hell they grow up so quickly!

[RancidOldHag]

I think people are concerned that you a) only told her part of what is necessary and b) expected her to be frightened.

Though I suppose unexplained blood is frightening.

Everyone brings their own hang ups to their parenting. Learning to aim off, so you're not passing them on, us all part and parcel of it.

[OkPedro]

No one was comparing it to not feeding your children. You're being ridiculous.
If you'd read the comments properly
Posters were saying how important it is to talk to children as early as possible in a child friendly way. Explaining changes in their bodies and making it normal. Not some awful thing that's going to happen to them.
That's how I felt as a kid. My parents told me nothing. I got second hand information from school friends(mostly wrong and horrifying) along with being at a catholic school
It's done now so talk to your dd again and tell her it's not the end of the world. Buy her a good puberty book and answer any questions she has in an honest way

[TeenTimesTwo]

I think that you are fine. Some children start as early as 10, so leaving it until you did you in theory ran the risk of them starting before you told her. However you were fine.

Good to find a book that covers things. Make sure you cover all the puberty changes.

Worthwhile putting together a pack for her PE kit / school rucksack 'just in case, you probably won't need these for ages'.

Worth revisiting topic every now and then.

[xmasadsboohiss]

Thanks to everyone who"s replied.I'm leaving it until next week and we'll we'll talk again.

To be honest I felt last night as if I'd posted to say I don't bother feedng my kids!My lo is not ten yet and if she's like me (i realise she may not be) she's got a couple of years to go before periods arrive.Upset as I was last night, I'm now slightly mystified by the shrill implication in some posts that I have harmed her in some way by leaving it until now.

I'll go back to commune with my hang ups now, but I genuinely appreciate everyone who's taken the time to answer. Peace love and mums fucking up menarche.

[ArcheryAnnie]

My DS knew all about periods long before 10, as I didn't want him to think it was a weird, unnameable thing, so YABU for not having told her before!

If a girl who doesn't know all about periods finds blood in her knickers, she's going to freak out, think she's dying, etc etc, instead of realising it's a natural (if really annoying) part of growing up.

[steppemum]

as MissWilmotts said - once mine started aged 12, they were proper full periods from day 1

[lanbro]

My girls are 5 and 4 and they know about periods....

[MissWilmottsGhost]

Also, your experience of 'mini periods' is not necessarily what she will have.

I had very heavy periods from the first. My DM thought i was just making a fuss until she finally realised when I was about 33 that I didn't have the short, light and painless periods she had.

[MissWilmottsGhost]

You have left it pretty late, several of my classmates started by 10.

[Branleuse]

I also think youve left it pretty late to start talking about puberty

[reallyanotherone]

I have never had “the talk” with mine. I’m a biologist though so they have always had free access to my biology textbooks, and they’ve had their own age appropriate “body” books since toddlers.

They come to me with questions every now and again, usually something they’ve heard at school, and we discuss and separate fact from myth.

My mum had a big deal talk with me about it all age 10. Just ridiculous. “Ladies bleed from their bottom”. The talk in year 6 at school was much more informative. After “the talk” everything became about periods- i was upset “it might be your hormones”- i had a stomach ache “it might be your periods”. Used to make me really angry that she never thought there might be another reason. Especially as i knew i had barely entered puberty (no pubic hair, no breast develepment etc) and would likely not start until 14- i was right, i started just short of 15.

I think she thought she was being open and liberal but I got really fed up of her buying sanpro, 4 years before I’d need it, talking about it, asking friends mums what they did about swimming etc.

My oldest is 12. She is only just starting to lay down a little pubertal fat and has very little breast development. I have sanitary product in the family bathroom (i don’t use them) for anyone who needs them and she has “sports bra’s- crop tops mainly for under a tee at gymnastics. But i won’t be doing more than that until she’s a bit more developed. She doesn’t like talking about it and i respect that. She knows i am here if she has questions.

[steppemum]

also, just to reassure you, most girls get breast buds, some body hair and start to get a bit whiffy with BO between 8-10.
But most of them don't start their periods until 11-12.

There is usually 2 years from pubic hair appearing to first period apparently

[steppemum]

mine have known for ages as we have always chatted about it.

There are a couple of good books around, usbourne do one and so does the TV doctor Chris wahteverhisname is

Usbournes is called 'What's happening to me?' and there is a girls and boys version.

It is all about puberty, be warned it touches on some more teenage themes, but I think that it is totally suitable for a 10 year old. I bought mine each one of these and they have dipped in and out over the years.

[AllTheWhoresOfMalta]

I've told my DD all about it and she's three!! You need to have this all out in the open in my opinion. How did you get away with not telling her for so long? My daughter asked what tampons were for (she saw them in the bathroom) when she was two.

[HargenDarse]

Sorry I didn't answer your Q OP. Just thought id share my experience.

[Lweji]

Talk to her again and ask her why she was upset.
You need to keep the conversation going.

And my DS knew about periods from an early age too.