Daughter was shamed by other mums - need advice

[VegemiteToast]

Hi! Long time lurker, but figured out that I'd reach out and see if I could get some perspective on an incident with DD 11 and a few of the mums at school, a while back.

DD is very pale skinned with dark hair. She has been teased in the past by other kids, but we make sure to allow her to shave, wax and do whatever else that will help her self esteem (I suffered from the same problem as a child.) DD was checked by an endocrinologist and had her blood tested to see if there were any imbalances, but unfortunately, her body hair is due to genetics.

DD attended a sport carnival at school, before the end of term. After running in a race, she recovered near a group of mums. One of the mums told her that she ran like a man. Another chimed in and told her that she had the facial hair for it, too. They all laughed at her and she felt embarrassed and ashamed - so much so that she only told me about this now after school has ended

I'm angry for her and devastated that this has happened. Her feelings are hurt and I can see that it has affected her self esteem. I don't know what to do though, as this happened a while ago. I know the mums and am just furious that they have shamed her body. I don't even know where to begin.

If my DD was your DD, what would you do? Thanks!

Write to the head & chair of the governors and say that your child had been bullied and humiliated by xxx parents and name them. Ask them what they are going to do about it.
Your poor Dd.

I would do the same as Queen. Unbelievable.

What absolute bitches! Your poor DD. I'm furious on her behalf.
I would write to the head, this is bullying and they shouldn't get away with it.

That is disgusting horrible excuses for human beings. Your poor dd . I would confront them and perhaps write to the school. Honestly what is wrong with people these women are supposed to be adults.

Absolutely speak to the head. Protecting children from emotional harm is part of their safeguarding responsibilities. Name and shame the nasty bitch.

Awful!

My jaw dropped open with that, that's absolutely shocking. Beyond shocking that adult women could do that to an 11 year old girl.

Tell your daughter it reflects on them not her.

The Headteacher has no jurisdiction over the behaviour of parents though. Do you know their addresses? Or can you contact them and speak to them yourself?

Do you know who they are?

That's appalling.
Third Queenio's advice.

Hope you can find a way to say to DD that some people are needlessly rude, and careless as to whether they hurt people. That it's not OK to make personal remarks, and she doesn't have to value the opinion of people like these.

Rude people are the ones who should be ashamed.

Fucking hell... as an adult with a very thick skin I'd find that incredibly hurtful.

I'm not sure exactly what the school can do, but I'd report it anyway.

(I think that might have been my first ever mn swear... I'm really shocked.)

That is so awful. If that was my DD I would be livid. I absolutely would name and shame these parents. How cruel to do this to a child. Write to the HT. I also would be tempted to go and 'speak' to these mums , but I'm not sure I could keep my temper.
Your poor DD.

I am honestly so shocked by these awful comments from adults and mothers.

Please contact the school and report this nasty incident and ask them to take things further.

Your DD does not deserve this and she needs to witness the responsible adults in her life (parents & teachers) standing up for her.

That's awful your poor girl!!! Defo follow it up that's unacceptable! Also goes without saying sure you have already done this but make sure you praise her/encourage her for telling you! ❤️

That is so mean & very immature of those 'parents' (they're not good parents.)
I would channel my inner lioness & give them what for.
I know it's stooping to their level. But they sound so thick that sometimes you have to fight fire with fire.
I do feel for your daughter

I would be livid if that was my daughter. I was humiliated by adults when I was a teenager and I still remember it to this day.
I was 15 and volunteering with a weekend group for children with special needs. I stayed the night in my then boyfriends spare room and got a lift with him to volunteer as he volunteered there too. 3 of the ladies in charge of the group started sniggering as we turned up together and making comments calling me promiscuous and saying "she must pay him in kind for the rent of his spare room overnight" Grown women can be absolutely vile. Please stick up for her as I can still remember the humiliation I felt 20 years later.

I'd report to the head also and name and shame. However as your dd is 11 will she be returning to that school?

I'd also probably find out where they live and go speak to them and tell them exactly what I thought. On their doorstep, so their neighbours can hear what a nasty piece of work they are too.

However, I'm quite hot headed, so maybe my advice is not the best. In fact, if I'm brutally honest, I'd probably body shame them right back, to their face - look at your saggy tits / thunder thighs / man hands / crooked teeth, whatever. It's not right, but, a taste of their own medicine would do them good.

Jesus! What type of grown woman bullies and shames a child. Complete bunch of arseholes. Please don't let this drop.

for your amazing girl

Just utterly vile my DD heard certain parents jeering her at sports day and telling her competition to beat her, shove her etc. The ONLY thing DD excelled in was sport.

Why are these people so vile and insecure they put CHILDREN down? Utter cowards!!!

I'm so glad the first poster was level headed and gave some sound advice. As a teacher I would say deffo refer it to the school as it was at a school event and I'm sure they have an anti bullying policy they can pull out!

I however as a parent would go bat shit crazy at them if they spoke to my kid like that. Also maybe take her shopping/hair or nail salon or something to give her a boost. That's the kind of comment that stays with even the most thick skinned, never mind a self conscious pre-teen.
I feel for you. Let us know how you get on.

What a bunch of utter bitches!

Disgusting behaviour! Sorry nothing very constructive to add but do tell your daughter it is most probably jealously behind those kind of comments!

I would be livid if my child said something like this to another child!
I would NEVER EVER expect a mother to say something so discusting!!!

That's appalling, who would do that to anybody let alone a child.

The only good news about pale skin and dark hair is that laser treatment would be very effective for her. You can buy home use units like Philips Lumea. I'm not sure if it's recommended at such a young age, but it works well on me (celtic skin and mid-brown hair).

Disgusting*