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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Original poster

Inappropriate gift for 12 yo boy

161 replies

alisont1977 · 04/12/2015 09:37

2nd on his xmas list my DS has asked for Philips BG2024. I assumed it was something computer or xbox related but after searching for it on Argos website it is in fact an electric shaver! I talked to him about this on Sunday and he insists he “needs” it for manscaping (I had to google it, but it seems it’s a popular activity). The last time I saw his willy was on holiday at easter Blush and he certainly didn’t need it then!

Even if he does now have pubic hair, it seems wrong that I should be buying him things to cut it all off!

Confused

Am I being silly? Is this just what boys do now?

OP posts:
NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 04/12/2015 22:13

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KatieLouiseW · 04/12/2015 22:30

What's the big deal? To everyone saying it wouldn't be for comfort, how would you know what his preference is? Some people shave their pubes, others don't... And at 12, what he does with his pubes is not really your business... Yeah, he's your son and if you don't want to buy it, don't - but the reason I don't think it's for "concerning" use is because he asked you for it... I'm with you on this, Giraffe... It was more comfortable for me to shave down there and probably most of you who is saying it isn't, probably have natural hair 'down below'. Poor kid - good on him for asking

AnyFucker · 04/12/2015 22:31

I would not be cool with it

possum18 · 04/12/2015 22:38

I remember when I started growing my little lady garden at about this age I was mortified and stole my older sisters razor and shaved it all off, I was so embarassed I'd go over it every day just incase a new hair sprouted Blush puberty is a difficult and confusing time, man-scraping is not necessarily a sexual thing.

JumpandScore · 04/12/2015 22:39

I'm with you Af. I'm truly shocked at the number of people was who are cool with it, to the extent that I wonder who these people are. He's 12

AnyFucker · 04/12/2015 22:42

Yes, manscaping is something done by sexually mature adults (though god knows why) not pubescent preteens

DixieNormas · 04/12/2015 22:42

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TaintedAngel · 04/12/2015 22:42

I dont think it is necessarily a sexual thing in his eyes. Its adults who are making it a sexual thing.

When I was younger i preferred to shave down there to keep it tidy. I felt cleaner and overall better. And that was long before I had any intention of becoming sexually active, so it certainly wasnt for the benefit of anyone else or because friends were doing it. I just didnt like the feeling of a build up of hair.

I would let him have control over his own body hair.

DixieNormas · 04/12/2015 22:43

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needastrongone · 04/12/2015 22:44

DD is 14. She has been shaving since about 12. To the best of my knowledge, her and all her friends shave pretty much everything. It's what they do, apparently, cleanliness apparently. I was a bit Shock initially to be fair.

These are down to earth, sensible girls, not particularly obsessed with 'image' or fashion etc, normal, for want of a better word.

I know your DS is a DS, not a DD (!), but just giving some perspective.

AnyFucker · 04/12/2015 22:44

But this is a tool to add gradients and shapes, right

Not a simple "all off because it is cleaner" shizzle (which it isn't)...it is worrying that a 12 yo might see his body as dirty and need improving

Why would that be ?

needastrongone · 04/12/2015 22:46

ps - DD and her mates are not sexually active, it's a hygiene thing apparently.

DixieNormas · 04/12/2015 22:47

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BertrandRussell · 04/12/2015 22:48

I would not be happy with my child of either sex feeling societal pressure to remove their public hair. If they chose to spend their own money on it then obviously I couldn't stop them, but it would not be something I would be prepared to facilitate. I would also take the opportunity to talk about pornography and the "pornification" of society.

So no, OP, if I were you I wouldn't buy it. And I would explain why.

KatieLouiseW · 04/12/2015 22:50

Why does everyone assume it's to fit in? I had no clue if my friends shaved... I wanted my hairs gone

needastrongone · 04/12/2015 22:51

I buy my DD razors, I guess I never really questioned the fact before ref the sexual aspect.

DixieNormas · 04/12/2015 22:53

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SpendSpendSpend · 04/12/2015 22:55

I think the fact he clears his internet history is something you need to chat to him about. I would be worried about why he clears it.

Regarding the shaver rather than just say yes or no, have a good chat to him about why he thinks he needs it etc etc.

I feel embarrassed and uncomfortable with bushy pubic hair. I think the hair also traps smells.

AnyFucker · 04/12/2015 22:56

Op, how much unsupervised Internet access does your preteen son get ?

NerrSnerr · 04/12/2015 23:00

I shaved my pubic hair from about that age. I had not seen porn and definitely didn't discuss it with friends, I just wanted it gone. I think that if you're old enough to grow pubic hair you can manage it how you wish, for some it gets itchy when it grows back and if that's the case with him he'll be uncomfortable for a bit and won't do it again (or will think of another way to sort himself out)

ChilliAndBint · 04/12/2015 23:08

I remember begging my mother to let me shave my legs. I am hirsute and she made me wait until I was 12.

Being hairy caused me so much grief but I think back in the day she thought it inappropriate for children to depilitate.

I know for a fact that lots of very young girls, especially Asian ones ,have their upper lip, leg and arm hair waxed on a regular basis. I seem no harm in that. Better to be hair free than bullied.

Although I don't remove my punani hair, I understand it is common practice now in the UK. In Arabic countries it has been common practice for centuries.

My guess is that the lad just wants an ordinary electric shaver; he wants this right of passage to shave his bum fluff off with a " designer" shaver.

Indulge him.

Sundance2741 · 05/12/2015 09:33

I wouldn't buy any present for my kids if I didn't understand why they wanted it. Just ask him to explain and make a judgement when you know. You don't have to buy it just because he has asked for it.

I'd also want to know why he is clearing his browsing history. At 12 you need to make sure he isn't acting unsafely or viewing inappropriate sites.

Fairenuff · 05/12/2015 12:09

OP you say that he always clears his browsing history. Have you wondering why?

I would put restrictions on computer use for a while just as an online safety check.

Make sure that he only uses it in a public area within your house so that you know what time he is on there and can see the screen.

I suspect he's been watching porn tbh.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 05/12/2015 12:13

I have looked through his laptop history but he always clears it hmm hes better on computers than me lol

This stood out to me.

I suspect he's been watching porn tbh.
I agree with this.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 05/12/2015 12:18

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