Inappropriate gift for 12 yo boy

[alisont1977]

2nd on his xmas list my DS has asked for Philips BG2024. I assumed it was something computer or xbox related but after searching for it on Argos website it is in fact an electric shaver! I talked to him about this on Sunday and he insists he “needs” it for manscaping (I had to google it, but it seems it’s a popular activity). The last time I saw his willy was on holiday at easter and he certainly didn’t need it then!

Even if he does now have pubic hair, it seems wrong that I should be buying him things to cut it all off!



Am I being silly? Is this just what boys do now?

[lehcar75]

You say he is clearing his internet history? When my sons were that age they were not allowed to do that. Clearing his history meant no internet! Your son might be looking at porn, because as we know..... porn stars are often as smooth as the day they were born.

Not long ago I was on the bus with my nephews (10@14) when the younger one told me in a loud voice that his brother "Shaves his pubes!" Oh how that bus started to laugh. Thing was, older boy was not even embarrassed by this, unlike me.

[madwomanbackintheattic]

Don't forget to clear your history, alison. You wouldn't want your genius 12yo to know you were discussing his penis online with a bunch of middle-aged women, would you?

[madwomanbackintheattic]

Quite, pink. Something about the need to continue the discussion that leads to all sorts of existential angst.

[alisont1977]

ouryve, good idea - I will try and track down the Adrian Mole book, I used to sneak this book from my brothers room when we were growing up, great read. Might need to get a ebook in the hope he will actually read it!

[alisont1977]

Real or not? How very philosophical!

[PinkClouds12]

I have no clue if this thread is real or not

[ouryve]

Have seen your update. Glad you had a frank discussion. I think even fairly precocious 12 year olds probably have a lot of growing to do before they catch up with their dads. I'm sure his willy his no closer to its full height than he is!

Maybe you should introduce him to the original Adrian Mole (Age 13 3/4) to demonstrate how silly but normal worrying about size is.

[spillyobeans]

And between boy mates it seems to be a thing to try and out do each other by finding the most gross/sexusl/graphic thing they can to show each other as a way ti show off

[spillyobeans]

It does seem too sexual a thing for a 12 yr old...but boys do seem to show their bits off alot to there mates, obviously not in a sexual way but boys do this whereas girls dont tend to, so maybe its more of a thing that came up in convo with his mates? Andi think you would be suprised and shocjed at what boys have seen on tinternet and by what age, quite sad really

[defineme]

I think it's brilliant he's talked to you -well done.

[Fairenuff]

Tell him not to delete the history and to come to you or his dad if he has questions about his changing body or anything sexual. That way you can make sure he gets the right information.

[ItsAllGoingToBeFine]

People place far too much faith in parental controls as a way of ensuring their children don't access inappropriate content.

This parental controls may^ stop a 5 year old accidentally accessing unsuitable content (although filters are never 100% and if there browser compresses data it will have no effect at all). They will not stop a ten year old with the ability to Google.

[PrimeDirective]

As long as you don't let him have the password it should be secure.
No, that just makes it a bit more difficult.

Unfortunately kids can always access porn as plenty of their friends parents won't have bothered disabling their kids phone data or intalling parental controls on their phones. Some parents are really careless about Internet safety.
Parental controls don't stop kids from accessing porn, and they don't need to go round to friends houses either. People place far too much faith in parental controls as a way of ensuring their children don't access inappropriate content.

[alisont1977]

Thanks ClancyMoped, it is BT parental controls that I have on the account. I will double check the settings though.

I agree ItsAllGoingToBeFine, weren't teenage boys responsible for having TalkTalk?

[ItsAllGoingToBeFine]

Filtering does bugger all - any browser that has a data saving or compression feature will bypass it by default - it is incredibly easy to get around.

[ClancyMoped]

That's good it's sorted.

Unfortunately kids can always access porn as plenty of their friends parents won't have bothered disabling their kids phone data or intalling parental controls on their phones. Some parents are really careless about Internet safety.

[ClancyMoped]

BT family protection is free

Here is a list of its feature (copy and pasted)

BT Parental Controls help keep your children safe online. Once activated, all devices connected to your BT Home Hub will have content filtered to a restriction level that you set. These filters will also apply if you use your BT ID to log in to BT Wi-Fi.
The key features of BT Parental Controls:
Protects all devices (PCs, laptops, tablets, iPads, handheld devices, smartphones) that connect to your home internet connection.
Three predefined filter levels (strict, moderate and light)
Personalise your own filter levels
Works when using your BT ID on UK BT Wi-fi hotspots
No software required
Simple set-up
'Always allow' specific sites
'Always block' sites that you feel are inappropriate.
Set up homework time - for extra peace of mind when children are doing their homework.

[alisont1977]

He's got an android phone but i have disabled data so it should only work on our wifi.

I'm pretty sure I've set BT up properly - but I'm certain that no matter what I buy or install, there are always ways around it.

If big companies full of IT people can be hacked, I'm sure boys will always find a way to look at porn online.

I'm over the embarrassment of our talk already, and everything was fine this morning before school. I actually feel good that we talked

[ClancyMoped]

Sorry, I was getting confused you need BT FAMILY PROTECTION plus not
BT NETPROTECT.

If you haven't already got it then do some research and consider getting it.

[ClancyMoped]

That's good it's sorted.

Bt net protect is ok but are you sure you have configured it ok. It's not just porn you need yo block. As long as you don't let him have the password it should be secure.

If he has a smart phone then he needs parental controls on that.

I'd speak to the coffee shop. I'd be a bit if they didn't have something set up to prevent porn being watched on their network.

I'm pretty sure you can restrict the times a specific device can access the Internet with BT - I would set that up.

[alisont1977]

I've only just noticed there are 6 pages of replies to my question!

I have BT netprotect controls but he is a little genius and I'm sure he has probably figured out a way around it if he has looked at porn sites. I unplug the wifi at night but we are so close to a coffeeshop you can sometimes get on their free wifi and strangely they leave it on even when they are closed.

We talked about the laptop and my ipad and I did ask about the history. He denied all knowledge of the empty history at first but when i really pressed he admitted he had deleted it - but because he'd been searching about puberty and penis size. That was enough to silence me on that point!

If anyone knows of a web browser where you cant delete the history do let me know.

[alisont1977]

I think ive had the most embarrassing conversation of my life! But I have at least found the motivation for all of this…

He was worried “it had stopped growing” and he’d read on yahoo answers that trimming the surrounding area would make it look bigger This conversation should surely have happened on Saturday when he was out with his dad!!

Somehow in all the awkwardness, he managed to get me to agree to this for his birthday (April!). What was I thinking?!? Hopefully by then he will have had a growth spurt and feel differently.

[PrimeDirective]

I wouldn't automatically assume it was sexualised behaviour.
I started shaving mine as a teenager, long before the days of porn and long before I had any sexual thoughts. It's not something I discussed with anyone else. I just didn't like it. Yes it itched when it grew back and I swore I wouldn't do it again, but then it annoyed me again and I got rid of it. Eventually I learned how to do it so I didn't itch growing back.
I've continued to shave, on and off over the years for the past 35 years.

People can come up with their own reasons as to why I and other people shave their pubic hair, but they're wrong if they think it's all because of porn or because I want to look more childlike. I don't mind the look of it and do grow it sometimes, but I love the feeling of it bald - it feels great, just like my legs feel great smooth too.

So it wouldn't worry me unduly, but I would still talk to him to make sure there isn't anything to worry about.

With regard to the internet, most filtering is fairly rubbish and can be bypassed by an average teenager. Keeping the computer in a family room is more effective but also talk with your son about the images that he will inevitably see and about the reality of pornography. Not a lecture about keeping away from it, but a proper conversation so you can get an idea about his understanding and opinions.

[UmbongoUnchained]

I remember going to school at 13 and my best friend said to me "Ere look at this!" His pubes were blue. It could be worse.

[madwomanbackintheattic]

I have no doubt fairenuff is right.
I own an almost 14yo boy and the idea of him asking for some sort of manscaping tool for Christmas from his mum is on the other side of 'yeah right pull the other one'.
Even the over-sharers on the thread were removing hair furtively at this age, not asking their parents for a subscription to 'body hair removal monthly'.
I call bollocks. Big hairy ones. You can swing them if you like.