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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Original poster

DD got a boy haircut...

45 replies

LastingLight · 10/06/2014 15:11

... and I hate it. Sad She and I have been having this fight when we go to the hairdressers for several years now and eventually today I caved and said fine, do whatever you want. So now it's short back and sides, longer and sticking up on the top. I know it's her hair and I should accept her for what she is and not try to change her, but I simply don't like it. Just ranting...

OP posts:
TessTackle · 10/06/2014 15:16

Good thing it's not your hair then.

Oh and FYI short hair isn't "boy hair".

Hmm
17leftfeet · 10/06/2014 15:17

Does she like it?

AnonButRegular · 10/06/2014 15:18

It's hair.

It will grow.

As long as she's happy, does it matter? Really?

MrsCosmopilite · 10/06/2014 15:18

Hair grows.... sorry you don't like it, but it's her hair.

NoglenTilLykke · 10/06/2014 15:19

Mymy dd got a short cut recently i love it.

DD got a boy haircut...
NoglenTilLykke · 10/06/2014 15:20

Like above post

Nocomet · 10/06/2014 15:31

DD has spectacular long auburn hair, she wants to chop 1/2 of it off Sad

I know it will grow again, but ....

unrealhousewife · 10/06/2014 15:33

You sound very controlling, no wonder she's rebelled!

Nocomet · 10/06/2014 15:35

Apart from the fact that when it's clean and brushed it's beautiful, I know she has no patience. She wants an arty fringe, it will drive her nuts, it will end up gripped up out the way.

Original poster
LastingLight · 10/06/2014 15:35

Oh ffs, I let her do it didn't I and I came here to vent because irl I'm going to have to defend her decision to other people. And yes, short isn't boy, I've had very short hair at times but in feminine styles. What she has is a boy style.

OP posts:
TheresLotsOfFarmyardAnimals · 10/06/2014 15:37

I'd hate it too if it's what I'm thinking of. Basically like my husband's standard barbers haircut.

TheresLotsOfFarmyardAnimals · 10/06/2014 15:38

Hopefully it's just a phase OP. Not what you imagine when you have a little girl is it?

Deverethemuzzler · 10/06/2014 15:41

Sorry but LOL my arse off at 'you sound very controlling'

Give over!

I may not agree with what the OP is saying re boy's and girl's hair (mine is very short) but how the hell do you make an assessment of the OP's sociopathic tendencies based on a couple of posts?

I was really upset when my DS1 cut all his locs off.
Doesn't mean I keep my kids locked under the stairs Grin

D0oinMeCleanin · 10/06/2014 15:42

There's boy hair and girl hair? Confused I thought there was just hair?

I wish mine would theirs chopped. Instead they leave it to grow and grow and grow and muggins here has to pay for all the products they need to stop it turning into a tangled mess

MrsCakesPremonition · 10/06/2014 15:42

Sounds cool - in both senses.

Original poster
LastingLight · 10/06/2014 15:42

17leftfeet yes she likes it.

Nocomet I feel your pain.

TheresLotsOfFarmyardAnimals and therein lies the rub... I guess I'm scared that my tomboy who refuses to wear anything girly, now has short short hair and tells me she wants to be a boy will never have a female identity. And if that happens and this his who she ends up being we will deal with it and support her and still love her. I just struggle with the idea... so I guess the hair is a symbol of a whole lot more.

OP posts:
TheresLotsOfFarmyardAnimals · 10/06/2014 15:45

It sounds like it. She does seem to be going through a lot but it is a credit to you that she's happy to say these things to you. Vent away on here if it allows you to be measured and calm when it comes to your conversations with her.

MrsCosmopilite · 10/06/2014 15:45

Hang on - how old is she? Are you saying you're worried that she may be a lesbian?

Xcountry · 10/06/2014 15:45

She might grow out of it, I was a tomboy and I shaved tiger stripes into my hair. I still wouldn't class myself as a girly girl - I don't really wear make up or dresses etc and I am more at home in my wellies but I scrub up not too bad when I want to

MrsCakesPremonition · 10/06/2014 15:56

I've just had a look at my school photo circa 1976.
Out of the 20-odd children in the photo, only 3 have hair longer than chin length.
Except for those three the rest of us have almost identical short haircuts, boys and girls.
We are wearing shorts/trousers and t-shirts. Two girls are wearing a dress.
Nobody is wearing pink.

We don't seem to have been haunted by decades of identity confusion.

unrealhousewife · 10/06/2014 15:57

When you said you battled with her for years at the hairdressers to keep her hair long is evidence fairly controlling behaviour, you get no sympathy from me I'm afraid.

'FFS I let her do it' She needed permission?

ThankYouShopkeeper · 10/06/2014 15:58

What is it that worries you about her never having a "female identity" as you put it? That she will have an unhappy life? That you won't have anything in common?

Original poster
LastingLight · 10/06/2014 16:32

She's 12. I'm not a girly girl either so I don't want my daughter to be a pink princess. I just want her to feel comfortable in her skin and at the same time fit into society to a degree that makes her happy. So a lot of this is about me not her, I get that.

And she's had short hair for several years, and I mean no hair over the ears short, but in a more feminine style than she has now.

OP posts:
Original poster
LastingLight · 10/06/2014 16:34

In the holidays she wanted a golden mohawk so I bought her golden hair spray and helped her gel her hair into a mohawk. I don't dictate every aspect of how she looks every day. I just wish I could instill a sense that sometimes you have to wear something that is appropriate to the occasion rather than what you want to wear because you want to make a statement. Now I suppose I will be flamed for that...

OP posts:
TheAmazingChandler · 10/06/2014 16:38

i shaved my friends head at a similar age. We claimed we'd been set upon by a gang of louts who attacked my friend, cutting chunks out of her hair so we'd shaved it to 'even it up' Hmm
It would've been easier if her Mum had just let her get it cut.