DD got a boy haircut...

[LastingLight]

... and I hate it. She and I have been having this fight when we go to the hairdressers for several years now and eventually today I caved and said fine, do whatever you want. So now it's short back and sides, longer and sticking up on the top. I know it's her hair and I should accept her for what she is and not try to change her, but I simply don't like it. Just ranting...

[soontobeslendergirl]

Is she going for the Miley Cyrus look?

[LastingLight]

Thank you

[DogCalledRudis]

I had completely shaved my head in my mid 20's. Was very very comfortable, but after a while got tired of being mistaken for a man. Now its quite long, but shaved on one side, so i can have a sort of... Both ways

[DoingItForMyself]

I had super short 'boys' hair at about 11-12, I then went through a phase of massively backbrushed and hairsprayed with a bow in it and then bum length, before having it lopped into a bob while my parents were on holiday!

It's fun to be able to play with different hairstyles and FWIW, most girls with long hair end up having it tied into a pony tail so that the only hair you see is the scraped back bit around the face anyway.

I think it's great that your DD has the confidence to do something other than the big bouffy hair extension WAG look that so many teenagers are going for these days. She's finding her own style and will no doubt try lots of other looks before she settles on one she loves. Personally I'd be really proud of a DD who wanted a golden mohawk!

[unrealhousewife]

I got a boys haircut done when I was 18. I also let my body hair grow. It's good to try things so you know what doesn't work.

[Minnieisthedevilmouse]

All that will come. If she can't do silly cuts now when can she? You will always have a reason to say no. Grow up, be responsible, act your age, knuckle down, buck up ideas, pass exams, teachers hate it jobs hate it dress smartly know your place....

Stop worrying. It will be ok.

[lljkk]

Another positive: low headlice transmission risk.

I got a boy haircut last week (not deliberately). I'm same height as DS1 & now the whole family has moments of confusion which of us is which. I always hate my haircuts so am not remotely bothered.

It's good OP is ready to defend her DD in real life. My mother hated my rejection of her kind of feminine style.

We had different body shape, different generations, different styles, different personalities, but she couldn't see why all that mattered.

[stolemyusername]

On the plus side, you don't need to worry about reminding her to brush her hair anymore.

I think you're getting a bit of a rough time on this thread, you've not come on here saying you have disowned your DD, just that you're struggling with it a little and need a private place to vent. In your situation I would feel sad and confused too.

[LastingLight]

She hasn't started to menstruate yet and I dread it because she is so absent minded that I'm not sure how she will cope physically or emotionally. As it is we still often have to remind her to brush her hair and her teeth.

[AndIFeedEmGunpowder]

I can imagine why it's difficult.

As a parent you are so proud of your children. It must feel like they are being churlish when they want to change something that you feel is part of them and, (at the risk of sounding wanky) part of their unique beauty.

My sisters and I had lots of battles with DM about our appearance. She would inevitably let us win. Now I wonder if she was being strategic! As ephpa says, hair grows back. Maybe it's better that we asserted our own identity and independence through our appearance, rather than doing drugs or disconnecting with our parents completely.

You are allowed not to like it. Maybe you will get used to it, maybe she will get fed up of it.

[Idontseeanyicegiants]

It's very hard to keep quiet when your child does something like this and you think it looks ridiculous. A couple of weeks ago DS had his hair cut into the most silly looking fashionable style (shaved at the sides, long and quiffy on top) and I almost bit my tongue in half trying to stop myself from saying anything.
I texted DH instead, something along the lines of 'he looks an absolute tit and actually paid for the privilege' and just vented away at him instead.
You'll get used to it soon though, apart from the 20 minutes in the bathroom gelling it just right it doesn't annoy me now
She might regret having it so short when the daily upkeep of the style gets in the way of extra sleep, it's a learning experience for them I think a

[weatherall]

Relax.

She is going through puberty and this is part of her adjusting to becoming a woman.

I assume she has started menstruating? How is she coping with her periods? Ime some girls who have a hard time adjusting eg heavy/painful periods/leaks etc will go through a rebellion at being female by for example getting shirt hair, wearing jeans and big t shirt type clothes.

She is only 12. She still has a lot of growing up and adjusting to do. If she is having problem periods maybe take her to GP or discuss tampons/mooncup or pill in a couple of years which might help.

[LastingLight]

Such wise words ephpa95, thank you. I will keep reminding myself too.

[ephpa95]

Breathe deeply. She is experimenting, she is being one of the many different persons she is as a teen and you can tell her, ok, this is not my cup of tea, but I love you anyway. And laugh with her, not at her. A very wise friend said to me once about her teens:
" She can get her hair shaved off and it will grow back.
She can get it dyed green and it will grow back to its own colour.
Piercing holes can grow in again.
Tatoos can be removed (with scarring, but can be removed).
But if your child stops speaking to you - that is something to worry about and something that may be irreparable."
I keep reminding myself of that..

[LastingLight]

Thanks for all the input. Celiafate I've been following that thread and really admire the way the mom is dealing with the situation.

[Kerryp]

Hi just wanted to throw my 2 cents in, I have short hair I've had short hair for a long time and I mean short short. I've thought of growing it but it's just uncomfortable and I'm not particularly feminine either but I'm not a lesbian or anything like that and I kind of think that's what may be worrying you? I'm sure this is just how she's comfortable and what she likes. You sound a little like my mum and I remember the hate of shopping trips when she would try to force me to wear girls clothes and I would want to wear something from the boys section. I wear girls clothes now and I would just say from the other side of things that the more you disagree with your daughters choices the more un accepted she will feel. She might start to feel like she's not the daughter you want and we both know that's not true.

[unrealhousewife]

I think you need to let go. She needs her own identity.

[CeliaFate]

Here is the thread. Hope it's helpful to you.

[CeliaFate]

Obviously there is more to this than hair. There is a thread on the teenagers section about a transgender teen and how the mum is coping (brilliantly, but finding it so hard).

[Nocomet]

DD's 16, I know by the end of sixform it will long again and she will be cursing a 1/2 grown out fringe, again.

Or she'll have a proper fringe like she did when she was 8.

She thinks brushing her manes a faf. It is, but it can then just be tied up and forgotten.

[TheAmazingChandler]

i shaved my friends head at a similar age. We claimed we'd been set upon by a gang of louts who attacked my friend, cutting chunks out of her hair so we'd shaved it to 'even it up'
It would've been easier if her Mum had just let her get it cut.

[LastingLight]

In the holidays she wanted a golden mohawk so I bought her golden hair spray and helped her gel her hair into a mohawk. I don't dictate every aspect of how she looks every day. I just wish I could instill a sense that sometimes you have to wear something that is appropriate to the occasion rather than what you want to wear because you want to make a statement. Now I suppose I will be flamed for that...

[LastingLight]

She's 12. I'm not a girly girl either so I don't want my daughter to be a pink princess. I just want her to feel comfortable in her skin and at the same time fit into society to a degree that makes her happy. So a lot of this is about me not her, I get that.

And she's had short hair for several years, and I mean no hair over the ears short, but in a more feminine style than she has now.

[ThankYouShopkeeper]

What is it that worries you about her never having a "female identity" as you put it? That she will have an unhappy life? That you won't have anything in common?

[unrealhousewife]

When you said you battled with her for years at the hairdressers to keep her hair long is evidence fairly controlling behaviour, you get no sympathy from me I'm afraid.

'FFS I let her do it' She needed permission?