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Preteens

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Original poster

Ds doesn't want to attend the class talk on sex ed.

39 replies

CeliaFate · 10/06/2014 09:18

The year 6 class have the nurse coming in to talk to them about sex education and puberty.
Ds wants to opt out, he got tearful at the thought of going.
I asked why he didn't want to go and he couldn't articulate it, just said he didn't want to know about it.
What can I do? I strongly feel education is so important - knowledge is power etc. - and if he doesn't go, he'll be subject to taunting from others.
Is this usual for a boy to not want to know? WWYD?

OP posts:
OwlCapone · 10/06/2014 09:27

Have you had The Talk with him?

If not, I would sit him down and tell him gently about the basics. I made XH do this with both DSs just before DS1 had the sex education lessons in Y5 so that he went in with a basic knowledge. I will do the same with DD when she gets to that age (tell her, not make XH do it!)

Fragglewump · 10/06/2014 09:30

My ds feels the same! He is mortally embarrassed but I've told him he needs to find out. Yesterday the teacher made them stand up if they thought certain words related to boys or girls - e.g. Semen etc. he was really embarrassed as he stood up when they said menstruation because it had 'men' in it. He says it's all disgusting and he doesn't want to know poor lamb.

Canus · 10/06/2014 09:31

I don't know whether it's unusual, but I think he'll miss out on an awful lot if you allow him to opt out.

Not just the factual stuff, but a lot of playground conversations for the next fortnight. Grin

It seems odd that he feels so strongly about it, has he started puberty?

Perhaps the rumour mill has been at work, and he thinks there will be rather more intimate demonstrations of things than will ever be the case.

I'd explain it's just part of the science curriculum, a normal class, with no embarrassing practical work.

Original poster
CeliaFate · 10/06/2014 09:36

I haven't had the talk with him; any time sex or growing up is mentioned he practically covers his ears and says la la la!
I have bought a book for him, but he doesn't want to look at it.
I have wondered if he is struggling with his sexuality and just feels different. He can't watch kissing scenes on tv, he turns his face away and says it's disgusting.
He is going through puberty I think - at least the emotional side of it!

OP posts:
LastingLight · 10/06/2014 15:34

Fragglewump I'm Shock that the teacher did that!

Celiafate is there a man in his life who can talk to him? I wonder if he got some misinformation somewhere and just can't bear to think about the whole thing. It is vitally important that he hears the facts of life and your values around it though. If he doesn't go to the school talk then you will have to bite the bullet..

ppplease · 10/06/2014 15:40

Let him opt out.

I always think that the whole subject is not exactly difficult is it?
He will catch up when he is good and ready.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 10/06/2014 15:46

The fact you haven't discussed anything with him and the fact he refuses to talk is even more train he should NOT opt out.

OwlCapone · 10/06/2014 15:48

Personally, I don't think letting a Y6 opt out is a good idea. He's off to secondary school in September and a) it will just come up again and b) his ignorance will become apparent.

ShelaghTurner · 10/06/2014 16:00

I would let him opt out but it would be on the basis that the talk was had at home. He can't escape the knowledge but I completely understand why he might not feel comfortable with that at school.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 10/06/2014 16:03

Train?Confused I meant reason in my post!

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 10/06/2014 16:03

Would you let him opt out of maths of he didn't want to do it? I really don't see how this is any different tbh.

MrsCakesPremonition · 10/06/2014 16:05

I would be really concerned that a 10-11yo is so distressed at even the idea of discussing sex/relationships, and equally concerned that he clearly does not even have the basic vocabulary to engage in such a discussion or articulate his concerns.

In the OPs shoes, I would be insisting that he attend the lesson while reassuring him that we would talk about it ourselves ahead of the lesson so that I could answer any questions and he wouldn't have to worry about being ill-informed or taken by surprise by any of the information.

Original poster
CeliaFate · 10/06/2014 16:06

I just think it's a mistake to let him opt out, but I don't know why he's so reticent to learn.
I've told him knowledge is power and that his friends will all know and they'll tease him and possibly scare him with misinformation or lies.
I think I'll have to make him go to it and he can take in as much information as he can bear.
If he'd talk to me, I'd consider letting him miss it, but he doesn't want to know. Sadly that's not an option!

OP posts:
MrsCakesPremonition · 10/06/2014 16:07

Why don't you give him the information in advance? That way he can relax in the lesson knowing that he already knows most of it.

Original poster
CeliaFate · 10/06/2014 16:07

Dh is here, and is willing to answer any questions, but ds won't ask any!

OP posts:
Original poster
CeliaFate · 10/06/2014 16:07

Yes, forewarned is forearmed!

OP posts:
MrsCakesPremonition · 10/06/2014 16:10

Buy a book.
Sit him down.
Look at it together.
Force the issue if need be.
You are the parents, you lead him through this.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 10/06/2014 16:20

Perhaps he doesn't have any questions yet as he doesn't have any information?

Goodness, this is why it's so important schools have sex ed classes!

Definitely get him a book OP.

lljkk · 10/06/2014 16:23

I wonder if you could ask him to write down 4 reasons why he didn't want to go. Open a door to discussion & go from there.

Original poster
CeliaFate · 10/06/2014 16:24

Can I just reiterate I have bought him a book and he will go to the talk, but I don't know why he's so reluctant. When I was that age I wanted to know everything!

OP posts:
Original poster
CeliaFate · 10/06/2014 16:24

Xpost lljkk, I will ask him to write it down.

OP posts:
OldBeanbagz · 10/06/2014 16:27

I think you somehow need to persuade him to talk and to go to the sex education lesson. I'd be concerned about him being picked on for opting out.

My own DS (Y4) is asking questions now so i would have thought that a Y6 would want to know things. If anything it'll prepare him for biology lessons at high school!

lljkk · 10/06/2014 16:28

ps: I would NEVER think of doing that if it were my own DS. Not in a million yrs.

Original poster
CeliaFate · 10/06/2014 16:30

Do what lljkk? I'm confused.

OP posts:
dorriescooper · 10/06/2014 16:33

My son behaved in the same way before the "talk." He knew the basics and I went through a book with him. It turned out that a group of older children (he is in middle school) had been teasing him and told him of all the horrible things he would have to do in the lesson and how he would have to stand at the front and answer questions. I had a word with the teacher, she reassured the whole class (he was not the only child worried) and explained what would happen in the class and he was fine! Please check that he has not been scared by another child.