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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

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Original poster

Letting my 11 year old get her nose pierced, very worried!

125 replies

Saffan · 20/12/2013 01:58

I have a 11 year old daughter who is very sweet and sensible. Two whole years ago she started wanting her nose pierced, I said no way and she has kept bringing it up almost every day since then!

Four months ago I asked her what she wanted for christmas and she said her nose pierced. I ended up agreeing that she can have her nose pierced for christmas between christmas day and new years but she'll get no other presents. So now it's 5 days before christmas and I've only got her half a dozen little things and I'm panicking!

I'm not worried about the piercing, she's very sensible and I have one myself. Just what are people going to think of me!? People are going to stare at her, then at me and think I'm a terrible mother, she's only in primary school. My DH thinks I'm blowing things out of proportion and is no help at all.

I'm sure I don't want to stop her now but what do I do? What would you do? I just can't sleep I can't stop thinking about it. What would you think about a mother letting her 11 year old pierce her nose? What should I do?

OP posts:

ilovesmurfs · 20/12/2013 05:49

It is not illegal!

I got my nose pierced at 13, my parents were not impressed but conceded many years later that oit actually suits me and they like it, I have always worn a very tiny little nose stud that lays flat, its funny its very small but I feel naked without my nose stud in!

I have sad my Dd will have to be 11 to get her eawrs pierced, I hadn't thought about nose piercings, I am tempted to say 13 as thats how old I was but thats not a rational thing, nor are some of the replies here. It's all about social conditioning and judging....

If the school are fine with it and you think she is mature enough to look after it, then fine but yes you may get judged, but you get judged for all sorts in life!

BadSeedsAddict · 20/12/2013 06:11

I think it's fine. I've had a lot of piercings and they just close up, at worst leaving a tiny mark. She may find that it irritates her anyway; I never liked my nose piercing once I had it. Make sure you get it done with a needle at a place that looks very very clean! And help her to care for it properly afterwards. You're teaching her that her body is her own, which is invaluable. I think it's great you're showing trust in her opinion and maturity. Sure she will appreciate this in late years.

randomAXEofkindness · 20/12/2013 06:23

I judge nose and ear piercings on children. I like all kinds of piercings/tattoos etc on adults, they're often beautiful and interesting. However, they are also permanently disfiguring. I don't think a child is in able to make a sensible decision about whether or not to permanently disfigure themselves, and I certainly don't think another person has the right to make that decision for them! How arrogant to think that you can decide whether or not your child should be left with an unnecessary scar for the rest of her life, that decision is for her to make when she is a grown adult, not you.

happycrimblechuckie · 20/12/2013 06:40

Don't worry, I let my 11 year old have her tummy peirced and it was out within 6 weeks as she couldn't be bothered to clean it properly and it had to come out. A lot of this is that they want you to say no just like my 21 year old son and tattoos I keep offering to pay for one for him as he desperately wants one but still no tattoo. And piercings are removable they are not permanent. I would not judge you but then I am a biker chick and love piercings and tattoos so let her have it and I bet it is out by February!

hercules1 · 20/12/2013 06:53

I have a ten year old dd and I would judge. I would, I am sorry to say, go as far as not letting my dd go to play at your house although wouldn't bother me if dd was friends in school. Sorry.

mummytime · 20/12/2013 07:04

I don't allow my DC to get their ears pierced until 14, and have done my best to put them off other piercings/tattoos. Simply by honestly discussing the pain, how awful they can look, and infection.
My DCs secondary school allows no piercings apart from one small stud in each ear (it is also strict on hair colour). People will judge - fact of life.

But my children wouldn't ask for a nose stud at 11, and I would never agree.

It isn't main stream. In fact I know no one under 16 with nasal piercings (a few with belly buttons).

TobyLerone · 20/12/2013 07:10

I wouldn't judge you, but it is a spectacularly inappropriate and stupid thing to do.

I would judge any piercer who would pierce an 11 year old's nose, though.

randomAXEofkindness · 20/12/2013 07:12

piercings are removable they are not permanent.

So why have I got a scar over my eyebrow from an (uninfected) eyebrow piercing I wore for six months 14 years ago????

ShirtySocks · 20/12/2013 07:15

I don't think you are 'daft and batty' I think you are being rather pathetic letting an 11yr old (through a campaign of nagging) make the decisions in your house. Good luck when she is a teenager.

And yes, I would judge you and in honesty, people will probably judge your daughter too.

Bunbaker · 20/12/2013 07:15

DD's secondary school doesn't allow facial piercings of any sort, and I expect most secondary schools have similar rules.

I'm with the judgy ones on here. I fail to see why an 11 year old needs to have a nose piercing. And because I am old and conventional I just don't find any kind of facial piercing attractive except for traditional ear piercings. But that is just my personal opinion.

I also find the idea of a nose piercing slightly yuck because of where it is.

SatinSandals · 20/12/2013 07:16

I would judge- she is so young- simply say no and don't budge.

SatinSandals · 20/12/2013 07:16

I would say that when she was 18 yrs she could make her own mind up.

Skang · 20/12/2013 07:17

I have a noticeable dark scar from having my nose pierced over 20 years ago. People comment on it.

KrabbyPatty · 20/12/2013 07:23

If you're serious, I think it is highly inappropriate to even consider it.

And they leave an unsightly scar, at least in my colleague's case they do.

AphraBane · 20/12/2013 07:30

I would not let my 11yo DD have her nose pierced, hell not even her ears. My 15yo DD will be allowed to choose about her ears when she's 16, but I will lay it on thick that she has a big history of skin and excema conditions and is therefore more likely to react badly to the piercing (like I did for several years). Caring for a pierced nose is so much more challenging than for ears - I would really doubt that an 11yo has the maturity to cope with looking after it. I would totally judge a parent who allowed it so young.

happycrimblechuckie · 20/12/2013 07:30

random I said they are removable and not permanent I did not say they left no scar. My daughter has worse scars from spots that she has from unwanted piercings. And skang are you seriously saying people mention scars on your face! who are you talking to!? No self respecting person would mention a scar on someone's face.

willyoulistentome · 20/12/2013 07:31

I would judge. I would definitely judge. I think they look revolting. ALways sore looking.

dippydaisy1 · 20/12/2013 07:36

I think people may stare and make unkind comments. They certainly would here in Durban! Maybe we are a little conservative.

HahaHarrie · 20/12/2013 07:43

I would say yes - in 7 years time when she is an 18 year old adult.

What would have I done? - said no like you did originally - but stuck to it. Sorry! No means no in my house.

I'm sure you've put up with a lot of nagging, but now she knows it works.

Good luck!

Buzzardisnotina4birdroast · 20/12/2013 07:47

Welcome to Mn, that is all.

everydayaschoolday · 20/12/2013 07:48

happycrimblechuckle I have scarring (not from piercing) that people can see (neck and shoulder) and yes people do mention it. I'd rather people asked out of curiosity and openness, then we can get past it, than feel awkward trying to ignore it. Not a pop at your Q, just saying people do ask sometimes.

dippydaisy1 · 20/12/2013 07:53

Thanks

Fairylea · 20/12/2013 07:53

For ANY piercing people should be going to a proper piercing studio where they pierce with nneedles. Not guns. This is especially more important when piercing through cartilage like nose piercings. No studio in its right mind would nose pierce an 11 year old! Most only do 16+ for ears and 18+ for all other piercings.

Just tell her that. And buy her something else for Christmas!!

ggirl · 20/12/2013 07:58

Do you live in the west country?

My friend moved there years ago and had peculiar urge to get her nose pierced

She eventually moved and dropped the nose peircing , she decided it was a west country thing

Skang · 20/12/2013 08:19

It is a weird scar, people have mentioned it thinking it was dirt. A close friend years ago asked if it was a blackhead!

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